First (and unexpected) Test - night 3
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Apr 2014
Location: New York
Posts: 3,241
First (and unexpected) Test - night 3
It's (only) night 3 for me. Trying to make this story short. My hubby has had a really tough and depressing week at work. We've talked only so far as to cut out wine for a bit, for me. I know he will still enjoy his craft beers occasionally (I'm 100% sure he has no issue - he can have none, one or two but he is a beer snob).
He was picking up a pizza for us and the kids tonight; I figured he'd pick up his weekend six pack. What does he bring home with the pizza but a bottle of red merlot. Because he got the pizza from a different place not near the grocery but right next to a liquor store.
I saw the bottle and felt my heart race. My head was spinning with voices. Angry, tempted. Then strong and willful. It was like I was two different people having an argument.
LUCKILY my plan was originally that I was driving 45 min to stay overnight at my parents house to run a 5k in the morning. But voice one said bag that, crash here and enjoy some wine with hubby. It's only a small bottle, you can each have two glasses, that won't do anything. You can drive to the race in the morning!
Voice 2 said, pour a glass of water with your pizza, and then get on the road. Get a good nights sleep and run your race without a hangover.
In hubby's defense I haven't talked to him about my plan. He just thinks if I don't want any for the calories or whatever then don't pour a glass. Easy. Cork it and save for dinner guests. So I know I need to talk to him. Honestly.
Well, I packed up and drove off, after my water, according to plan. Listened to my own music and enjoyed the solo drive. I just couldn't believe I sat there and was able to stare that bottle down and walk away. So early on. But it also made me realize - someone that was a normal drinker would not have had a near panic attack seeing it, or thought through the scenario over and over since then.
I'm left feeling proud, but nervous about what's left in that bottle tomorrow night when I'm home. Cause I know he would have had maybe 2 glasses if that. I actually think I will be ok. It's almost as if I was panicking that my first test was happening, instead of thinking I actually wanted to drink. But we will need to talk.
Anyway thanks for listening, if you kept up. Headed to bed, sober - day 4 tomorrow.
He was picking up a pizza for us and the kids tonight; I figured he'd pick up his weekend six pack. What does he bring home with the pizza but a bottle of red merlot. Because he got the pizza from a different place not near the grocery but right next to a liquor store.
I saw the bottle and felt my heart race. My head was spinning with voices. Angry, tempted. Then strong and willful. It was like I was two different people having an argument.
LUCKILY my plan was originally that I was driving 45 min to stay overnight at my parents house to run a 5k in the morning. But voice one said bag that, crash here and enjoy some wine with hubby. It's only a small bottle, you can each have two glasses, that won't do anything. You can drive to the race in the morning!
Voice 2 said, pour a glass of water with your pizza, and then get on the road. Get a good nights sleep and run your race without a hangover.
In hubby's defense I haven't talked to him about my plan. He just thinks if I don't want any for the calories or whatever then don't pour a glass. Easy. Cork it and save for dinner guests. So I know I need to talk to him. Honestly.
Well, I packed up and drove off, after my water, according to plan. Listened to my own music and enjoyed the solo drive. I just couldn't believe I sat there and was able to stare that bottle down and walk away. So early on. But it also made me realize - someone that was a normal drinker would not have had a near panic attack seeing it, or thought through the scenario over and over since then.
I'm left feeling proud, but nervous about what's left in that bottle tomorrow night when I'm home. Cause I know he would have had maybe 2 glasses if that. I actually think I will be ok. It's almost as if I was panicking that my first test was happening, instead of thinking I actually wanted to drink. But we will need to talk.
Anyway thanks for listening, if you kept up. Headed to bed, sober - day 4 tomorrow.
Member
Join Date: Feb 2014
Location: St. Petersburg, FL
Posts: 20
Nice!
In my experience, talking to your closest friend/spouse will do you well. I know I tend to keep certain secrets to myself in situations like yours because it's an easy out for when the craving to drink becomes a juggernaut, and you just cannot say "no" anymore. We cave to our impulses and have to start all over again. I promise, in time it does get easier. Being honest with your husband should definitely help alleviate some future stressors and anxiety, I think.
I hope you race goes well. Stay hydrated!
Let us know how it's going!
In my experience, talking to your closest friend/spouse will do you well. I know I tend to keep certain secrets to myself in situations like yours because it's an easy out for when the craving to drink becomes a juggernaut, and you just cannot say "no" anymore. We cave to our impulses and have to start all over again. I promise, in time it does get easier. Being honest with your husband should definitely help alleviate some future stressors and anxiety, I think.
I hope you race goes well. Stay hydrated!
Let us know how it's going!
Member
Join Date: Sep 2012
Location: Gulf Coast, Florida USA
Posts: 5,731
AppleKat if you are fully in to this plan of leaving behind alcohol for good. You will need to tell your husband asap. If you do not tell him that you are done drinking period, then you are just leaving the door open a little bit for a relapse.
Based on what you have shared it doesn't sound like you had that talk with him yet. Are you having reservations?
Based on what you have shared it doesn't sound like you had that talk with him yet. Are you having reservations?
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Apr 2014
Location: New York
Posts: 3,241
Thanks everyone. No reservations. I also refused a nightcap with my dad. Fresca and ice tasted amazing. I definitely need to have a more in-depth talk!
I think in the beginning it was a "you got yourself into this mess, you can get yourself out."
Stupid! I couldn't even have gotten to day 4 without y'all at SR! Think how well I'll do with hubby on FULL board.
I think in the beginning it was a "you got yourself into this mess, you can get yourself out."
Stupid! I couldn't even have gotten to day 4 without y'all at SR! Think how well I'll do with hubby on FULL board.
Formerly ScrewdUpInDe
Join Date: Apr 2014
Location: In the Nightmare in my head
Posts: 5,329
I am very proud of you kat, you did the right thing.
As for talking to him I am sure you can get some good advice for people here to make him understand your addiction. Plus we will be here to help give you the strength when you decide to talk with him.
Anyway you did great!!!
As for talking to him I am sure you can get some good advice for people here to make him understand your addiction. Plus we will be here to help give you the strength when you decide to talk with him.
Anyway you did great!!!
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