snakes

I drank last night even though I did go to an AA meeting. I feel depressed and hideous today. Is there hope for me? I feel lost and alone. But I also know that I have to change and things will get better. How do I do it?

lifenomad

a lot of us here feel lost and alone my friend. just keep your head up, be strong and try again. go exercise anytime you feel like drinking. Set a goal, put drinking on hold until you can go for a 3 mile jog without stopping. Once you reach your goal you might be so happy with the way things have been you wont even want to go back.

The easiest way to cutoff my drinking problem was to taper alcohol with alcohol. what I mean is instead of going cold turkey, slowly but surely start cutting down by drinking the same amount, just not the same strength, drink something weaker little by little, span it out over time, weeks, months, it took me a year actually to slow down from daily drinking to solids weekends only.

snakes

Thank you lifenomad. I do worry if I try to taper I will just use it as an excuse to drink. I don't trust myself. I am at a point where I have very little faith in myself.

PurpleKnight

There's always hope, as long as you still wake up every morning there is hope, SR is full of people that posted looking for help and have managed to remain Sober for large periods of time, that in itself is where I got my hope from when I first posted.

As to the how's of it? you just have to break it down, don't be worrying about tomorrow, next week or never drinking again, that's way too stressful at the moment.

Simply the next hour, half an hour if you need to, just get to bedtime and that's Day 1, do the same tommorrow, start your Sober life one day at a time.

However your gonna need support, other people, no point sitting in on a Friday night with nothing but your mind trying to convince you that you need to drink, guess who's going to win? so other people are going to be important to get you through, even if it is only reading SR, but meetings can work too.

We all had a Day 1 . . . great to have you onboard!!

snakes

How do I pull myself out of failure mode? I hate this state of mind. Is this common?

letsgowithJ

Yup. There's hope.

LBrain

Welcome lifenomad, You'll get lots of support and advice here. Just stop plain and simple.
Is there hope? Absolutely. It sounds as if you aren't too far gone - a guess.
When you go to the next AA meeting ASK SOMEONE THERE what you must do to stop. In my experience asking for help at an AA meeting is like dropping a lolly-pop on the sidewalk on a summer afternoon. In no time at all it is covered with ants. Be that lolly-pop. Ask for help. But you must be sincere. Good luck.

least

As long as you are still breathing, there is always hope. I couldn't get sober until I wanted to be sober more than I wanted to drink. I hope our support helps you stop drinking for good.

CAPTAINZING2000

AA messed up my drinking. Listening to everyone in a meeting telling my story. I came to know, the drinking wasn't fun any more and I wasn't alone.

Have you got a sponsor and a list of phone numbers to call?

snakes

I no longer want to drink. But I know that I've felt this way before and gone back to drinking. How do I not go back to it? I am nervous. And, I have gone to AA but I haven't gotten a sponsor yet although I did get a lot of phone numbers.

I am feeling pretty low right now. I want this part of my life to be over. I want to be happy and get the monkey of alcohol off my back. I don't trust myself though. I am really angry with myself.

Upward2Enlightenment

Try not to focus on what happened yesterday, we all stumble. You can do it. We are here for you and as Brain said ask around at AA meetings you will find someone that wants to help.

That's ok, WE have faith in you!!!! You can do it!

Upward2Enlightenment

Go ahead and use those numbers, if they gave you their number they want you to call.

Just remember we are here for you and we will do what we can to help you. try not to beat yourself up.

RazaR

Snakes I know exactly how you feel. Many experience stops and starts, it is normal. I believe the way you are feeling is part of the process, it was/is for me. Every morning was filled with regret, remorse, shame...etc etc.

For me the important thing was the realization that this has to stop. Find your strength, your arsenal of weaponry to slay the beast. I found my strength in my Father and my children.

You want this to be over and so it will. Just one day at a time.

Compass7

Snakes, it is common to feel depressed and hideous, lost and alone after drinking. If you read a lot of the threads here there are many that feel this way when drinking. I still feel that way somewhat since I have stopped drinking (Day 11 here), but I am definitely a lot better than when I was drinking. I don't feel as anxious or deeply depressed like the morning after drinking. My mornings after could be excruciating. I felt a sense of dire desperation to get out of that state of mind you speak of. Keep working on your plan daily. This is hard business, and I have slipped up many times. Try not to be so hard on yourself, just keep trying. Some techniques do not work for some, but that does not make you a failure at them...it just didn't work for you. I have not been to AA (I may try soon), but I try to read here on SR daily. It helps to relate to those of us who are struggling and those with years of sobriety and how it has changed their lives. When that AV tells me I need to stop and get alcohol, I try to think about how crappy I will feel the next day. It is not easy, but it does help deter me. I figure if I keep trying hard I will get this. I hope you do too. Go easy on yourself, Hugs and I hope you feel better!

Thirdtime

Snakes, I drank last night after 11 days of not doing it, and I also went to AA meetings. You are NOT alone in what you are thinking and feeling right now. I'm right there with you.

Hang in there. There is much good support here.

ChickChick

I am new, but I have to believe there is hope for all of us that want to be sober.

ScottFromWI

Have you considered some type of outpatient rehab or counseling? Sometimes we need additional help to get over the "hump" so to speak. Perhaps even Detox?

Regarding your AA work, have you actuallly started working steps or calling numbers when you should? While meetings themselves are good, they are only a small part of what AA is all about.

What it really boils down to is that ANYONE, you included can get sober. Not only is there hope, it is a FACT that if you want to stop drinkig you can. Absolutely and without question. The deciding factor is if you are willing to do the work to get there. That doesn't mean having a few beers before heading out to AA - it means calling numbers so you don't have those few beers, going to the meeting sober, calling again if you need more help, getting a sponsor, reading the big book and understanding what it means, working steps on your own and working with your sponsor, etc. Sure it sounds like a lot of work - because it is. But it's worth it.

shakeel

what you're going through is common, in fact it is normal. putting yourself in the pity pot, depressed, loss of hope...ect. I have been there more than once, I was even suicidal, but then I finally decided to get a sponsor who helped me go through the steps. drinking afte going to an AA meeting is not the end of the world, however bad the drinking and the consequences were. most important is not drinking again these next few days as your addictive voice would try to take advantage of the hopelesness and the physical withdrawals(if any) to push you to drink again, don't fall for it. in 2 days time I guarrantee you will feel ready to take on life and give sobriety another chance. I have been ranting it seems, but I am actually teeling my own experience with relapse. Get a sponsor, work the steps, call someone from AA, you are helping them more than they are helping you when you call them.

shalette

I am only on Day 3 and I understand the feeling. I am determined and I know you are. I ducked my first AA meeting to go to Jazz in the Park but bc I was with my supportive cousins, they didn't drink either. My fear is in the house. My emotions overwhelm me and I get really depressed. I haven't had the courage to throw away the alcohol still in the house because I think I may be strong enough to just have one glass (which is the worst idea ever) so I stay away. That is probably the worst thing I could do to myself because eventually I have to go home. Each day its gets a little better and a little harder but, I know WE can beat this!!!!

Welcome to Day 1, there is hope!!!!

snakes

Thanks, all. I tossed all of the alcohol in the house. I just hope I can keep myself from getting more. What I've found is my conviction is very strong in the morning and then dissipates over the course of a day. Does that happen to you too? And, how do you deal with it? I will call people from AA although I don't think any of them will know who I am.