Socializing
Member
Join Date: Apr 2014
Location: Washington, DC
Posts: 27
That was the hardest thing for me at that age...mostly because bars is where the girls are. I assume he's not married.
Adult sport leagues are great for meeting people. I do volleyball intermittently which is great because you don't have to be but so athletic and your generally hanging out with athletic (read attractive) people, but there's flag football, basketball and softball if he's more athletic. I was also on a kickball league, but that is probably one to avoid... 45 minutes of athletics, 3 hours of flip-cup.
There's meetup.com groups for all kinds of interests, online dating, festivals, concerts, and he knows more I'm sure. If he can’t go out clubbing at night, he just needs to be creative, he’s of the millennials and they have millions of outlets.
I really didn't figure it out, because IT IS hard. From 20-30 most any place to socialize will have alcohol available, so I just surrendered to my alcoholism. Now at 30 I’m able to go to bars and happy hours and whatnot without drinking, but I still can’t do nightclubs and I’m scared to even try a football game. Ultimately the sooner he can get to a point of being sober and having fun without drinking the better…the fun will happen but it takes a lot of practice before it actually takes hold, but if he’s patient it’s glorious and he can spend his twenties almost 10 years ahead of the game. Tell him some random guy over the internet promises.
If I could talk to my young adult self I would tell myself that I’m not missing out. Standing around in crowded ass bars and drinking is not that fun. There are attractive girls there but they really just show up to get hit on and then laugh at you for hitting on them. And if a girl does go home with you, how much work did that take? Were you just that charming? In that crowded ass spot where you had to yell sentences and only pick up on 50 percent of the words. Any girl you’re going to hook up with, you have to bring with you to those clubs…and instead of the club it’s a lot better to take them somewhere else. Because there’s plenty of girls that are really only out and drinking because they’re pressured by their friends and feel like they have to. He can save them. As far as socializing with potential love interests it has to be done sober and if he can get good at that, he can kill it.
And as far as socializing with his buddies…he’ll be surprised to learn how shallow many of those friendships are. In fact…if they don’t want to hang out with him while not drinking. How much are your boys your boys?
There’s also been stretches where I’m the go-to DD. HE MUST FEEL COMFORTABLE THAT HE CAN AVOID ONE DROP THOUGH. It’s a good way to have an excuse not to drink and get calls from people that are going out because he’s useful. It also has the added effect of being annoyed by drunk people and realizing that you’re really are not as awesome or clever as you think you are when drunk. Some negative visualization I think also helps with the process.
Hopefully some of that is useful. If not, disregard.
Adult sport leagues are great for meeting people. I do volleyball intermittently which is great because you don't have to be but so athletic and your generally hanging out with athletic (read attractive) people, but there's flag football, basketball and softball if he's more athletic. I was also on a kickball league, but that is probably one to avoid... 45 minutes of athletics, 3 hours of flip-cup.
There's meetup.com groups for all kinds of interests, online dating, festivals, concerts, and he knows more I'm sure. If he can’t go out clubbing at night, he just needs to be creative, he’s of the millennials and they have millions of outlets.
I really didn't figure it out, because IT IS hard. From 20-30 most any place to socialize will have alcohol available, so I just surrendered to my alcoholism. Now at 30 I’m able to go to bars and happy hours and whatnot without drinking, but I still can’t do nightclubs and I’m scared to even try a football game. Ultimately the sooner he can get to a point of being sober and having fun without drinking the better…the fun will happen but it takes a lot of practice before it actually takes hold, but if he’s patient it’s glorious and he can spend his twenties almost 10 years ahead of the game. Tell him some random guy over the internet promises.
If I could talk to my young adult self I would tell myself that I’m not missing out. Standing around in crowded ass bars and drinking is not that fun. There are attractive girls there but they really just show up to get hit on and then laugh at you for hitting on them. And if a girl does go home with you, how much work did that take? Were you just that charming? In that crowded ass spot where you had to yell sentences and only pick up on 50 percent of the words. Any girl you’re going to hook up with, you have to bring with you to those clubs…and instead of the club it’s a lot better to take them somewhere else. Because there’s plenty of girls that are really only out and drinking because they’re pressured by their friends and feel like they have to. He can save them. As far as socializing with potential love interests it has to be done sober and if he can get good at that, he can kill it.
And as far as socializing with his buddies…he’ll be surprised to learn how shallow many of those friendships are. In fact…if they don’t want to hang out with him while not drinking. How much are your boys your boys?
There’s also been stretches where I’m the go-to DD. HE MUST FEEL COMFORTABLE THAT HE CAN AVOID ONE DROP THOUGH. It’s a good way to have an excuse not to drink and get calls from people that are going out because he’s useful. It also has the added effect of being annoyed by drunk people and realizing that you’re really are not as awesome or clever as you think you are when drunk. Some negative visualization I think also helps with the process.
Hopefully some of that is useful. If not, disregard.
Member
Join Date: Feb 2014
Location: Western NY
Posts: 1,209
Josie - there is a sticky at the top of the page that has pretty much everything imaginable to do. It's titled "Looking For Something To Do". Here is the link too.
http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/...ething-do.html
http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/...ething-do.html
Member
Join Date: Apr 2014
Location: Texas
Posts: 67
I'm just gonna toss a few things up in the air...
I'm sure there are lots of ways to socialize on the weekends and meet new people. A few things that immediately come to my mind are...
Church group?
Volunteering?
Hobby groups? Take your pick, RC cars boats planes, shooting, fishing
just a quick start..
I'm sure there are lots of ways to socialize on the weekends and meet new people. A few things that immediately come to my mind are...
Church group?
Volunteering?
Hobby groups? Take your pick, RC cars boats planes, shooting, fishing
just a quick start..
Administrator
Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: Australia
Posts: 211,373
Hi and welcome Josie - great to have you here 
Why not suggest your son signs up here - he could connect with other people in recovery and maybe get a few ideas himself based on what he'd like to do
D
Why not suggest your son signs up here - he could connect with other people in recovery and maybe get a few ideas himself based on what he'd like to do
D
Member
Join Date: Mar 2012
Location: Newcastle
Posts: 908
Originally Posted by Josie43 
Hi, My young adult son is in recovery and was wondering what he could do on the weekends. It seems all the kids his age go to the bars at night, and that is not an option for him.
Has he ever tried reaching out to others in recovery?
I ask because I'm 22, I also seem to spend quite a lot of weekends alone as all my friends are out partying. There's only so much time I can spend at the gym!
I'm a bit of a loner anyway so I usually go to the movies on a weekend. I also have a sober friend who I go bowling with.
It's not easy when you're young definitely, but there are others with the same problem out there
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