New here, but not to the world of substance abuse.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Apr 2014
Location: Milwaukee wi
Posts: 7
New here, but not to the world of substance abuse.
My story could go on for weeks, but I'll try to keep it short.
I'm married to an opiate addict. We have been together for 15 years, married for 10. He's gone from Marijuana to coccaine to opiates over the past 8 years. He almost died of an overdose about 4 years ago, shot up heroin while taking care of our young children. I had to perform cpr, he was transferred via ambulance to the hospital. While on probation (1.5 years) he did very well, but since then he has been using on and off while attending celebrate recovery in our church. Same promises, same lies. Gives false hope, just shot up on Monday and swears this is it (again). I'm ready to be done with it, yet I fear for my children, now having a broken home. He's a wonderful dad and is very loving. He suffers from clinical depression, on to of addiction. He refuses to do a live in treatment. I fear he will die. I lIve in fear, can't trust, not sure if I love him anymore.
I don't know what to do.
I currently do not work (besides my occasional photography jobs) and homeschool our children. I will not send them back to public school, yet I know I have to make a change and get a job to move forward.
I'm scared.
I'm married to an opiate addict. We have been together for 15 years, married for 10. He's gone from Marijuana to coccaine to opiates over the past 8 years. He almost died of an overdose about 4 years ago, shot up heroin while taking care of our young children. I had to perform cpr, he was transferred via ambulance to the hospital. While on probation (1.5 years) he did very well, but since then he has been using on and off while attending celebrate recovery in our church. Same promises, same lies. Gives false hope, just shot up on Monday and swears this is it (again). I'm ready to be done with it, yet I fear for my children, now having a broken home. He's a wonderful dad and is very loving. He suffers from clinical depression, on to of addiction. He refuses to do a live in treatment. I fear he will die. I lIve in fear, can't trust, not sure if I love him anymore.
I don't know what to do.
I currently do not work (besides my occasional photography jobs) and homeschool our children. I will not send them back to public school, yet I know I have to make a change and get a job to move forward.
I'm scared.
Nature Girl
Join Date: Mar 2002
Location: By The Lake
Posts: 60,328
Welcome, Ksuch.
It's all one day at a time and you sound ready to take care of yourself and your children, regardless of how he takes care of himself.
My son is my addicted loved one, I know the pain of watching someone we love self-destruct.
Take a read around, especially the sticky posts at the top of this forum. There is a lot of good reading and information there.
Make yourself comfortable and know you are among friends here who understand because we have walked where you walk.
Hugs
It's all one day at a time and you sound ready to take care of yourself and your children, regardless of how he takes care of himself.
My son is my addicted loved one, I know the pain of watching someone we love self-destruct.
Take a read around, especially the sticky posts at the top of this forum. There is a lot of good reading and information there.
Make yourself comfortable and know you are among friends here who understand because we have walked where you walk.
Hugs
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Apr 2014
Location: Milwaukee wi
Posts: 7
Thank you for your support, Ann.
I'm feeling very conflicted and alone. After dealing with this for so many years, I feel my family isn't really there for me anymore in regards to support. His mom (and dad) ask how he's doing, I tell her via email and get no response (second time in about 6 months she asked, I confided and nothing). It's very frustrating to think I've got her support, but then nothing. I feel like his addiction is all on me. It's not fair.
I'm feeling very conflicted and alone. After dealing with this for so many years, I feel my family isn't really there for me anymore in regards to support. His mom (and dad) ask how he's doing, I tell her via email and get no response (second time in about 6 months she asked, I confided and nothing). It's very frustrating to think I've got her support, but then nothing. I feel like his addiction is all on me. It's not fair.
Member
Join Date: Feb 2013
Location: W Washington
Posts: 11,589
perhaps your family was resistant to supporting you for staying WITH the addict but might be of a different mindset if you are truly trying to break free. you and the children deserve a drug free life, not living in misery with an IV drug user, especially and most importantly if he is using IN the home.
i know you are scared, but we can still move forward in spite of our fears....or maybe BECAUSE of them. wishing you the best.
i know you are scared, but we can still move forward in spite of our fears....or maybe BECAUSE of them. wishing you the best.
Member
Join Date: Nov 2007
Location: Louisville, KY
Posts: 31
From another wife of an opiate addict, all I can say is take care of yourself. When I am caught up in the crazy, as I like to call it, I am a horrible mom. When I am constantly worrying about him and if he is clean like he says he is...I am not a good mom. When I am suspicious and running a million scenarios in my head every minute...I am not a good mom.
When I focus on me and my daughter and our well-being, I am a good mom. All I can control is how I react and respond. It is hard and an every day struggle. This morning, for instance, I had a moment of crazy. I don't know if it will ever go away, but I just have to remember to pray and know I can't do anything to control it.
Good luck to you!
When I focus on me and my daughter and our well-being, I am a good mom. All I can control is how I react and respond. It is hard and an every day struggle. This morning, for instance, I had a moment of crazy. I don't know if it will ever go away, but I just have to remember to pray and know I can't do anything to control it.
Good luck to you!
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Apr 2014
Location: Milwaukee wi
Posts: 7
I know what you mean in regards to how mothering can be so different when stressed about HIM. I have felt so guilty about by short temper with the kids... moreso because I homeschool. They're always around me, bad mood or not.
This is something I'm working hard to change about me.
It's going to be (hopefully) a lot easier to do in our mew life that I'm trying to create.
I asked him to leave. After nearly a week, he went to stay with his parents and is finally taking me seriously (I think-I hope). I filed for child support today, and am going to file for legal separation. That one takes a bit more courage than I had today.
Also found 2 rentals in my budget. This are becoming real now. Part of me is really sad (honestly, a small part) and the rest is feeling relief.
15 years I was with him. The past 9 have been bad, the past 4.5 have been unbearable.
The thought of financial struggle on my own scares me a little, though we have been struggling for so long (because his using and frivolous spending) that it's not as scary as it should be. I could really use some prayers. I have been angry, I'm having a hard time praying myself.
I'm also looking into counseling for myself and the kids. I am looking forward to finding myself and being truly happy.
Please help keep me accountable. Help me stay strong on this journey for spiritual freedom.
This is something I'm working hard to change about me.
It's going to be (hopefully) a lot easier to do in our mew life that I'm trying to create.
I asked him to leave. After nearly a week, he went to stay with his parents and is finally taking me seriously (I think-I hope). I filed for child support today, and am going to file for legal separation. That one takes a bit more courage than I had today.
Also found 2 rentals in my budget. This are becoming real now. Part of me is really sad (honestly, a small part) and the rest is feeling relief.
15 years I was with him. The past 9 have been bad, the past 4.5 have been unbearable.
The thought of financial struggle on my own scares me a little, though we have been struggling for so long (because his using and frivolous spending) that it's not as scary as it should be. I could really use some prayers. I have been angry, I'm having a hard time praying myself.
I'm also looking into counseling for myself and the kids. I am looking forward to finding myself and being truly happy.
Please help keep me accountable. Help me stay strong on this journey for spiritual freedom.
Member
Join Date: Jul 2010
Posts: 13,497
Ksuch,
YOu just made some very important observations, about how things have already been about as bad as they can get, and how things pretty much can only get better. so that can motivate you, I would imagine.
I encourage you to keep thinking and seeing it as it really has been, and not through eyes that think it could be the way you wished it was. You tried, you survived a lot of bad stuff. I hope you find yourself in a much better place soon. The children will be alright, as you have already been protecting them. They will be even happier with a mom who is not worried and sad .
wishing you courage and peace, each day. prayers going up. Thank you for sharing and posting, and we will help you. we are here.
YOu just made some very important observations, about how things have already been about as bad as they can get, and how things pretty much can only get better. so that can motivate you, I would imagine.
I encourage you to keep thinking and seeing it as it really has been, and not through eyes that think it could be the way you wished it was. You tried, you survived a lot of bad stuff. I hope you find yourself in a much better place soon. The children will be alright, as you have already been protecting them. They will be even happier with a mom who is not worried and sad .
wishing you courage and peace, each day. prayers going up. Thank you for sharing and posting, and we will help you. we are here.
Member
Join Date: May 2010
Location: USA
Posts: 13,560
Good for you. I know you are sad but I think you are about to find some peace in your life. The stress is overbearing then we feel guilty b/c in reaction to the stress we become a stressed mess ourselves. It's an evil cycle.
H is a tough drug to kick. You have to be willing to work to kick it each day, for the rest of your life. I attend CR for Codependency. My XAH for alcohol/Xanax addiction. While it is a great tool and wonderful support, many times H users need inpatient therapy to actually kick that addiction.
I agree with the above post. Put the focus back on you and your child. Keep yourself well. Your child/children as they need you the most. He is not a child. He is an adult who is making bad choices, that's on him, not you.
Tight Hugs. Good Luck and God Bless!
H is a tough drug to kick. You have to be willing to work to kick it each day, for the rest of your life. I attend CR for Codependency. My XAH for alcohol/Xanax addiction. While it is a great tool and wonderful support, many times H users need inpatient therapy to actually kick that addiction.
I agree with the above post. Put the focus back on you and your child. Keep yourself well. Your child/children as they need you the most. He is not a child. He is an adult who is making bad choices, that's on him, not you.
Tight Hugs. Good Luck and God Bless!
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