taking back my life

Old 04-24-2014, 03:37 PM
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Red face taking back my life

Well last night I went to my first al-anon meeting. I was scared to go and I wasn't even planning on it. A co-worker of mine told me I should finally go so I did. I was 10 minutes late because they moved the meeting to a dif. Room. I walk in, whisper is this where th he alanon meeting is? And I go into. There weren't any seats. So then I just felt like running in the other direction.
I have to tell y'all that haven't ever been to one. It was uplifting and a huge eye opener! I am def going back to more. I met multiple women who are in a similar situation as mine.

Today I just feel very emotional now tho. I did speak last night.told the group a short version of why I was there. I cried the whole time and I hate crying. I know it's not a sign of weakness, just a way your body and mind releases all the anger, emotion and pent up feelings you have..but it feels like weakness to me.
One of the ladies there bought me a al anon book bc she wanted to. Even after I insisted that she didn't. She was very nice. I'm glad I found them. I haven't called either of them yet. I'm still really scared to.

My husband gave me$7.00. Lol. Said that is all he got. But for done reason he had enough money to by energy drinks. And he left his can at my house. I feel like throwing at his face.So Tom. I am going to close out our joint bank account and open one for myself. Transfer car ins to my name, other bills. And then take a nice relaxing break at the dentist., yipee.oh and today I just realized that I am a co-dependent. That was also an eye opener.
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Old 04-24-2014, 06:53 PM
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Ann
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Cmfl, that was a big step, the one that got you to the meeting. I am so glad it went well and I promise you that there is so much peace you will find there.

And yes, my name is Ann and I am a codependent too. Getting better every day.

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Old 04-24-2014, 08:34 PM
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Thank you Ann. My day was getting better until I asked him for my key back. If I didn't have this sight and all anon and the night support system I have I would bee off really bad. . He basically couldn't understand why I asked for it back, was appalled when I told him he was off the lease, accused me of being untrustworthy, told me there is no reason I can't trust him. Called me a liar. Said he would give the key to the land Lord, not me. I told him I would call there Tom to make sure then. He then fought with me for another 15 min on why he should have a key. Tried to make me feel bad for kicking him out. I had too cry hysterical too get him out. And I went through all of that sitting there, anger building up. And I just took it all. I know I'm doing the right thing and I have too remind myself that I can't feel sorry for him, he had plenty of chances. I never knew what dry drunk meant until last night at the meeting. I recognized it tonight, at least I hope he is sober, but if he isn't that it's his problem now. I know I can't change it,I just wish he would leave me be.
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Old 04-25-2014, 03:34 AM
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CMF, good for you! great that you have started going to meetings. that will help you soooo much!
It is so hard, to stand up for yourself against their arguments and accusations, but you will be alright.... just take care of yourself, and keep posting here. You cannot imagine how many have been in your very shoes. they must be very worn out shoes, you know?

If he gives that key back already, you are very blessed to not have more of a fight on your hands. I hope things go smoothly and that you find your serenity, and begin a new life for yourself, where you can live in peace and find your joy.

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Old 04-25-2014, 03:50 AM
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Hi cmfl, I'm sure things will start to get better for you once you have the key and now you have your own finances. It's great that you went to Alanon and you seem to have learned a lot just in one meeting.
It's hard sorting everything out when you're first separated, especially as your EX is so irresponsible, but I hope things smooth out rapidly.
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Old 04-25-2014, 03:53 AM
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Ann
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You did well, and you will get stronger every day. It might be wise to just have the locks changed, he could cut another key before he gives it back and you wouldn't have to worry about it with new locks and new keys. Most landlords are fine with this as long as they get a key, some will even set up the locksmith and send you the bill when it's done.

It's sad that people have to be so hard to get along with. Thank goodness recovery teaches us that we don't have to attend every fight we are invited to.

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Old 04-30-2014, 11:17 AM
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I wish I had had enough by now. My husband goes into rehab Friday 3rd time lucky. While he is in there I will be moving to another town with the mortgage in my name this is his last chance. How many times have I said that! It's too hard to see the man I love continually destroy himself. I also need to realise that for two years is been illusion and misery. I hope that I am as strong as you when it comes to shutting the door on my soul mate.
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Old 04-30-2014, 01:45 PM
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Karrets,

I have heard it said, " It takes what it takes". give yourself a break. love yourself. work on what you can work on, and then wait for the next days lesson. it will come to you.
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