New...Just need a place to talk
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Join Date: Apr 2014
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New...Just need a place to talk
Hi, I'm new so please excuse me if this is long/rambly. I just need a place to get it out in the open. I am pregnant, scared and I don't have anyone I can talk to.
My SO is in recovery. Well, he was. I'm not really sure what's going on anymore. A year ago, he went out of state to rehab for about 2 months for his heroin addiction. While he was gone, I worked 2 jobs to get a security deposit and rent on a small house away from his biggest triggers- his mother and sister. I really wanted to give him a place to have a good shot at recovery once he came home. He came back and things were good for a long while. We were both going to meetings (Him to NA, myself to Nar-Anon) and just enjoying being back together again. He got a job and is still working.
In November, I found out I was pregnant. I'm currently 27 weeks along and we were and are overjoyed. I'm due in July with a little boy. I guess since everything was so normal, it sort of lulled me into a false sense of security.
About a month ago, my SO received some type of notice from his rehab saying that he is Hep-C positive. I don't really understand why it took so long to get that diagnosis, as he's been out of rehab almost a full year. It is confusing to me. According to him, he was afraid to tell me about it. (I just found out 2 days ago). Many times over the past month, I have asked if anything was wrong, why he has been less affectionate, if there was anything he needed to tell me. He denied it and dropped the subject. I knew something was wrong, but I could not identify what.
Two days ago, we really got into it. I found 2 burnt spoons in my kitchen sink and baggies in my bathroom trashcan. He denied and denied until he broke down and told me what's been going on the past month. He claims he was snorting instead of shooting- which is irrelevant- and that he has only used 2-3 times, which is also irrelevant. Use is use. Lying is lying.
I've been so hurt and confused. I wish he would have came to me when he found out. I wish he would have told me he had thoughts of using. I try really hard to be emotionally available to my SO, and always make it known that I will never be angry if he is honest with me. I've tried so many times to explain that he is not protecting me from anything when he lies, and it makes the situation worse each time.
I am so scared for his health- the doctor from his rehab said his liver looks like someone's who has had Hep C for 15+ years. I'm worried about our future together and more so, about our child's future.
Now, we have this horrible disconnect. Our communication is terrible. He's been taking money from me, here and there, despite numerous pleads to stop, please ask.
I love my SO more than anything. I want to support him through this, but I am afraid that I am not in the greatest emotional place to do that right now. I am seeking counseling for us, but I'm worried he won't be on board and I am afraid for us to be back where we were. I'm afraid that this is going to get worse before the baby comes, and I don't know what to do.
Thanks for listening.
My SO is in recovery. Well, he was. I'm not really sure what's going on anymore. A year ago, he went out of state to rehab for about 2 months for his heroin addiction. While he was gone, I worked 2 jobs to get a security deposit and rent on a small house away from his biggest triggers- his mother and sister. I really wanted to give him a place to have a good shot at recovery once he came home. He came back and things were good for a long while. We were both going to meetings (Him to NA, myself to Nar-Anon) and just enjoying being back together again. He got a job and is still working.
In November, I found out I was pregnant. I'm currently 27 weeks along and we were and are overjoyed. I'm due in July with a little boy. I guess since everything was so normal, it sort of lulled me into a false sense of security.
About a month ago, my SO received some type of notice from his rehab saying that he is Hep-C positive. I don't really understand why it took so long to get that diagnosis, as he's been out of rehab almost a full year. It is confusing to me. According to him, he was afraid to tell me about it. (I just found out 2 days ago). Many times over the past month, I have asked if anything was wrong, why he has been less affectionate, if there was anything he needed to tell me. He denied it and dropped the subject. I knew something was wrong, but I could not identify what.
Two days ago, we really got into it. I found 2 burnt spoons in my kitchen sink and baggies in my bathroom trashcan. He denied and denied until he broke down and told me what's been going on the past month. He claims he was snorting instead of shooting- which is irrelevant- and that he has only used 2-3 times, which is also irrelevant. Use is use. Lying is lying.
I've been so hurt and confused. I wish he would have came to me when he found out. I wish he would have told me he had thoughts of using. I try really hard to be emotionally available to my SO, and always make it known that I will never be angry if he is honest with me. I've tried so many times to explain that he is not protecting me from anything when he lies, and it makes the situation worse each time.
I am so scared for his health- the doctor from his rehab said his liver looks like someone's who has had Hep C for 15+ years. I'm worried about our future together and more so, about our child's future.
Now, we have this horrible disconnect. Our communication is terrible. He's been taking money from me, here and there, despite numerous pleads to stop, please ask.
I love my SO more than anything. I want to support him through this, but I am afraid that I am not in the greatest emotional place to do that right now. I am seeking counseling for us, but I'm worried he won't be on board and I am afraid for us to be back where we were. I'm afraid that this is going to get worse before the baby comes, and I don't know what to do.
Thanks for listening.
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Join Date: May 2010
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Does he want help? Would he go back to rehab?
H addiction is very very difficult to kick. Relapse rate is very high.
The last thing you want is to have a baby in a home with an H user. Or yourself for that matter. Does he have a sponsor or any follow up care in place?
I think it depends on his mindset. If he does not stop using it will get worse, that is a fact. You cannot fix him. You will see this on here a lot,
You did not Cause it, You cannot Cure it, You cannot Control it. If he decides to get help he will have to reach out for it and want it for himself so badly that he is willing to work towards it every day for the rest of his life. It's a big commitment.
I encourage you to have a wide support system, to seek out a support group and yes, counseling is wonderful for you, even if he is not on board, you need it for you.
I am sorry for what brings you here but glad you found SR!
Keep posting, you are not alone!
H addiction is very very difficult to kick. Relapse rate is very high.
The last thing you want is to have a baby in a home with an H user. Or yourself for that matter. Does he have a sponsor or any follow up care in place?
I think it depends on his mindset. If he does not stop using it will get worse, that is a fact. You cannot fix him. You will see this on here a lot,
You did not Cause it, You cannot Cure it, You cannot Control it. If he decides to get help he will have to reach out for it and want it for himself so badly that he is willing to work towards it every day for the rest of his life. It's a big commitment.
I encourage you to have a wide support system, to seek out a support group and yes, counseling is wonderful for you, even if he is not on board, you need it for you.
I am sorry for what brings you here but glad you found SR!
Keep posting, you are not alone!
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Join Date: Jul 2013
Location: In the Middle
Posts: 632
I have went through a pregnancy alone while my husband was out - still in his mess - not even wanting help. So it is positive that he wants help.
I would recommend reading the stickies about addiction and honestly - you need to lock up your money - and lock it up tight. You will need that money for when the baby comes and paying for the baby stuff. You also will need family support. For yourself and child. Have you set up or secured daycare for when you have to go back to work. Have you saved money for maternity leave? Social services will help you with daycare and help that you need but not while you are enabling or supporting an active user. It's good he has his job - but it won't be worth anything if he starts spiraling out and spending all of his money on drugs. (it sounds like he is if he's taking money that he hasn't let you know about)
To protect yourself - save your money and put it in a bank and on a card that will not be able to be used as credit. Also, don't give him the password.
You have so much to worry about getting yourself financially stable and ready for baby to come without having to deal with an addict. (the disease affects us all here!)
I would honestly start thinking that maybe he will not be contributing or able to help with the baby if he continues to not stop.
My husband is currently in a 14 month program and not acting great about it. It's difficult, really difficult. But prepare yourself. Protect your finances. Get ready for baby.
I would recommend reading the stickies about addiction and honestly - you need to lock up your money - and lock it up tight. You will need that money for when the baby comes and paying for the baby stuff. You also will need family support. For yourself and child. Have you set up or secured daycare for when you have to go back to work. Have you saved money for maternity leave? Social services will help you with daycare and help that you need but not while you are enabling or supporting an active user. It's good he has his job - but it won't be worth anything if he starts spiraling out and spending all of his money on drugs. (it sounds like he is if he's taking money that he hasn't let you know about)
To protect yourself - save your money and put it in a bank and on a card that will not be able to be used as credit. Also, don't give him the password.
You have so much to worry about getting yourself financially stable and ready for baby to come without having to deal with an addict. (the disease affects us all here!)
I would honestly start thinking that maybe he will not be contributing or able to help with the baby if he continues to not stop.
My husband is currently in a 14 month program and not acting great about it. It's difficult, really difficult. But prepare yourself. Protect your finances. Get ready for baby.
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Join Date: Apr 2014
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There is a big part of me that believes this was a hiccup in the grand scheme of things. I know how that sounds- blindly optimistic, but I have to believe it or I will go crazy.
Since it's hard for me to say how much/often he is using, I can't say if rehab would be the next step. Could he get help with IOP? I really don't know and it's not my call to make, I guess. Getting him into ANY counseling/help at this time is a good first step and I am going to start there with him.
I really believe that he wants his recovery and wants to get back on track. When he went away last year, he went because he wanted to. He knew he needed to change or die, pretty much. I know he is terrified at the prospect of having poor health, and more so at the prospect of not being able to be around his child when July comes. I've made it clear that if he is going to use, he won't be allowed in my household. I will find a way to make it work for myself. I asked him about if he'd like to go to counseling and he seemed receptive to the idea, he was really enthusiastic about having both individual and couples counseling, which I think could be a huge help to our communication issues. This felt like a big relief to me.
As far as money goes, I'm sadly not in a great spot- we split our bills and I'm fearful that if he starts using more, we will be financially unstable. I don't make very much money, so most of if goes towards bills. If he loses his job or stops contributing, we will be very much in trouble.
Luckily, I have a close family and good support system, who would be willing to help with childcare so I am fortunate in that department.
I am very familiar with the phrase, 'you didn't cause it, you can't control it, you can't cure it'. I felt so good when I was going to my Nar Anon meetings. I really do look forward to going back. They were a very big source of support for me while he was using/in rehab before. I would love to see him get back into NA meetings.
I feel kind of stuck in limbo now while we sort this all out. It's so refreshing to be able to talk to people in similar situations (as horrible as they are,) because I can't really address this with anyone around me. While I wish I was one of those people who are advocating against stigma surrounding addiction, it is our silent secret. We deal with it privately and sometimes that hurts the worst.
Since it's hard for me to say how much/often he is using, I can't say if rehab would be the next step. Could he get help with IOP? I really don't know and it's not my call to make, I guess. Getting him into ANY counseling/help at this time is a good first step and I am going to start there with him.
I really believe that he wants his recovery and wants to get back on track. When he went away last year, he went because he wanted to. He knew he needed to change or die, pretty much. I know he is terrified at the prospect of having poor health, and more so at the prospect of not being able to be around his child when July comes. I've made it clear that if he is going to use, he won't be allowed in my household. I will find a way to make it work for myself. I asked him about if he'd like to go to counseling and he seemed receptive to the idea, he was really enthusiastic about having both individual and couples counseling, which I think could be a huge help to our communication issues. This felt like a big relief to me.
As far as money goes, I'm sadly not in a great spot- we split our bills and I'm fearful that if he starts using more, we will be financially unstable. I don't make very much money, so most of if goes towards bills. If he loses his job or stops contributing, we will be very much in trouble.
Luckily, I have a close family and good support system, who would be willing to help with childcare so I am fortunate in that department.
I am very familiar with the phrase, 'you didn't cause it, you can't control it, you can't cure it'. I felt so good when I was going to my Nar Anon meetings. I really do look forward to going back. They were a very big source of support for me while he was using/in rehab before. I would love to see him get back into NA meetings.
I feel kind of stuck in limbo now while we sort this all out. It's so refreshing to be able to talk to people in similar situations (as horrible as they are,) because I can't really address this with anyone around me. While I wish I was one of those people who are advocating against stigma surrounding addiction, it is our silent secret. We deal with it privately and sometimes that hurts the worst.
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you are at risk now of contracting Hep C from him......you should probably get checked immediately. YOUR health and YOUR BABY'S health are far more important than his addiction right now. whatever he told you about this relapse, you can pretty much double the length of time and the amount used. if he was "just" snorting it, why the burnt spoons? addicts are great at half truths......partial truths. which can also be stated as LIES. and as he is "taking" money from you without your permission, you can add THIEVERY to the list.
what he says he's gonna do is nothing but empty words.
what he is DOING demonstrates his true intent, which is for now to keep using. and steal from you to support his habit, DESPITE the fact you have a baby on the way.
what he says he's gonna do is nothing but empty words.
what he is DOING demonstrates his true intent, which is for now to keep using. and steal from you to support his habit, DESPITE the fact you have a baby on the way.
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Join Date: Jul 2013
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Sadly - it's true. My husband is a heroin addict and things he has done while binging or during his addiction are totally out of his "normal" character. Character pretty much goes out the window when the drugs get back into the brain.
I hope you can plan accordingly and now that you know.. make a plan B - in case you have to follow through with not living with him if he continues to use.
I really do hope counseling is enough. It wasn't enough for my husband but everyone is different. I'm hoping that it's enough for him.
However, for you - make sure you protect the little bit you have and concentrate on your future and babies future.
I hope you can plan accordingly and now that you know.. make a plan B - in case you have to follow through with not living with him if he continues to use.
I really do hope counseling is enough. It wasn't enough for my husband but everyone is different. I'm hoping that it's enough for him.
However, for you - make sure you protect the little bit you have and concentrate on your future and babies future.
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I am having my blood tested this upcoming week. Recently I had a liver function test for an unrelated issue, which came back normal, so I'm hoping that brings good news. I've told my health care provider also, and from what I understand, the risk of contracting it is pretty low (through sexual contact, at least), and the risk of giving it to my baby, if I do have it, is even lower.
I agree with you- for some reason, it always seems like he thinks minimizing the problem, by lying about how much or often, or how, is going to somehow make it 'better'. The lies just make the entire situation so much worse.
I'm resigned to the fact that he does need some type of help ASAP if he wants to be around this baby. I've told him that his behavior demonstrates a complete lack of respect and is very reminiscent of past behavior....as anyone who deals with an addicted loved one knows, when they are in active addiction, they don't love you, care for you, or themselves for that matter. I'm just really keeping my fingers crossed for the best right now. It's a very scary place to be.
It is so hard for me to swallow the fact that it isn't about us anymore. It's not just us through the ups and downs of his addiction anymore. That our child's interest comes first now, and based on his behavior and actions, decisions have to be made. I refuse to let my baby be around my SO if he is using/in active addiction, etc. We both grew up with an addicted parent, and I can't stand the thought of doing that to my own child.
I have a lot weighing on me right now.
I agree with you- for some reason, it always seems like he thinks minimizing the problem, by lying about how much or often, or how, is going to somehow make it 'better'. The lies just make the entire situation so much worse.
I'm resigned to the fact that he does need some type of help ASAP if he wants to be around this baby. I've told him that his behavior demonstrates a complete lack of respect and is very reminiscent of past behavior....as anyone who deals with an addicted loved one knows, when they are in active addiction, they don't love you, care for you, or themselves for that matter. I'm just really keeping my fingers crossed for the best right now. It's a very scary place to be.
It is so hard for me to swallow the fact that it isn't about us anymore. It's not just us through the ups and downs of his addiction anymore. That our child's interest comes first now, and based on his behavior and actions, decisions have to be made. I refuse to let my baby be around my SO if he is using/in active addiction, etc. We both grew up with an addicted parent, and I can't stand the thought of doing that to my own child.
I have a lot weighing on me right now.
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I'm nervous about this actually. Like I said before, since I am really not sure of the extent of his use right now, I have no idea if counseling is going to be enough. I'm so hoping it is the right step to take, because we don't have much time. I'm so afraid of going back to how we were (him using, lying, stealing. me never knowing what the hell was going on until it was too late). I am afraid of what will happen if it does not help him because I will have no choice but to kick him out. This is really weighing on my heart quite heavily.
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Join Date: Jul 2013
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I'm so sorry. My heart is also heavy all the time. Even with my husband in longterm rehab. Just accepting that this may not even work... (he has a really bad attitude and disposition) He keeps threatening he's going to leave....
And.. I can't allow him back home if he does.
He did so much damage on his last binge. He sold his car for drugs and our kids Ipad. (worst things he has ever done) So... this was his options to reconcile the family... and he's being a whiny baby about the whole thing. It's terrible. Meanwhile i'm supporting him, and taking care of everything by myself. Thankfully my mom and sister live close to help. But no one but you guys here on SR understand the heaviness it weighs on the addicts wives. I want my family to work. I'm willing to put the work in and be patient... and love him uncondtionally. But... is he?? That's the big question that no one knows. Not even him.
And.. I can't allow him back home if he does.
He did so much damage on his last binge. He sold his car for drugs and our kids Ipad. (worst things he has ever done) So... this was his options to reconcile the family... and he's being a whiny baby about the whole thing. It's terrible. Meanwhile i'm supporting him, and taking care of everything by myself. Thankfully my mom and sister live close to help. But no one but you guys here on SR understand the heaviness it weighs on the addicts wives. I want my family to work. I'm willing to put the work in and be patient... and love him uncondtionally. But... is he?? That's the big question that no one knows. Not even him.
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Join Date: Dec 2013
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BlueBones, reading your thread here really helped me just now. You sound like you feel a lot like I feel about my friend.
I am glad I came to this forum today. I tried calling a couple of my friends on the phone but of course I can't say why I am worried about this friend, so of course they can't really understand why I'm worried.
It is a relief to be able to come here and read threads like this one you started. I wish I had something more helpful to say to reply to your post, but just reading this thread is helping me.
I am glad I came to this forum today. I tried calling a couple of my friends on the phone but of course I can't say why I am worried about this friend, so of course they can't really understand why I'm worried.
It is a relief to be able to come here and read threads like this one you started. I wish I had something more helpful to say to reply to your post, but just reading this thread is helping me.
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Keepinitreal, I'm so sorry your husband isn't responding well to rehab. I can't imagine what that must feel like and I feel for you. I was so thankful my SO was willing to go to rehab. Who knows how it will be this time around though.
I think that's what's so hard. The uncertainty. You want so badly for your relationship and family to work and be healthy and happy- And you are willing to put in the work to have it. But if they're not, it's just wasted effort. It hurts so bad that there is nothing to do to make them have some clarity or want it like you do. Even if they do want it, a lot of times, they are too caught in their own addiction to know what they want. They can't love or feel or do normal things when they're using.
When my SO is clean, he is amazing. He is a sweet, loving and sensitive person. When he is using, he is cold, distant and manipulative. It doesn't change the love I have for him, but it exhausts me to essentially love someone with two radically different personalities. Especially when his behavior is not so lovable. It is terrifying to not know when the bad is going to show up and it's more terrifying that it's not our business to know.
We really get caught up in trying to control, monitor, keep things how they're supposed to be....When really, there is no point. If your addict is going to use, they're going to find a way to do it. Once they do, what does it matter if you find out, or get mad? They got their fix. Be mad about it, they'll keep doing it. This is such a frustrating concept.
I really need to keep reminding myself that his recovery is HIS choice and I really do not have a say in it at all. My choice is whether or not I want to stick around through it and stick around if he doesn't choose recovery. Isn't that sad?
I think that's what's so hard. The uncertainty. You want so badly for your relationship and family to work and be healthy and happy- And you are willing to put in the work to have it. But if they're not, it's just wasted effort. It hurts so bad that there is nothing to do to make them have some clarity or want it like you do. Even if they do want it, a lot of times, they are too caught in their own addiction to know what they want. They can't love or feel or do normal things when they're using.
When my SO is clean, he is amazing. He is a sweet, loving and sensitive person. When he is using, he is cold, distant and manipulative. It doesn't change the love I have for him, but it exhausts me to essentially love someone with two radically different personalities. Especially when his behavior is not so lovable. It is terrifying to not know when the bad is going to show up and it's more terrifying that it's not our business to know.
We really get caught up in trying to control, monitor, keep things how they're supposed to be....When really, there is no point. If your addict is going to use, they're going to find a way to do it. Once they do, what does it matter if you find out, or get mad? They got their fix. Be mad about it, they'll keep doing it. This is such a frustrating concept.
I really need to keep reminding myself that his recovery is HIS choice and I really do not have a say in it at all. My choice is whether or not I want to stick around through it and stick around if he doesn't choose recovery. Isn't that sad?
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Firesong,
The feeling you have when someone you care about is suffering with addiction is unmistakable. It makes you feel sick and completely helpless. I'm also new to this site and reading the threads has been so refreshing. It is hard when you have no one to talk to about it- it really is such a sensitive subject. To speak with people who know exactly what you are going through is truly bittersweet.
The feeling you have when someone you care about is suffering with addiction is unmistakable. It makes you feel sick and completely helpless. I'm also new to this site and reading the threads has been so refreshing. It is hard when you have no one to talk to about it- it really is such a sensitive subject. To speak with people who know exactly what you are going through is truly bittersweet.
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Join Date: Jul 2013
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It is sad. So sad. I personally keep hoping that his attitude changes and things get better again.. and stick to being good for more than 6 months. I just cannot deal with the cycle.
I'm at a cross roads of being tired of supporting him and his addiction and need to focus more on me and my own kids. I have two. I have supported... believe me!!
I think at this point if he leaves - it means he's not done. He's saying he will come home and not use - but his behaviors are off and what he's saying doesn't speak recovery. It speaks egotistical and naive. Not good signs. For him or my family.
Hopefully his attitude will change - and our family can get the counseling it needs... but until a tidal wave hits him.. i'm not sure he's going to get it. Maybe some people (my husband) needs to lose their family to get the primal understanding that this has to stop and this has to stop now.. and I need to take this recovery thing seriously. Not just go through the motions so my wife takes me back... again!
Until then - I take care of me, the kids, and come hear to read others stories and it is comforting because i'm not alone. I don't have to be alone.
I'm at a cross roads of being tired of supporting him and his addiction and need to focus more on me and my own kids. I have two. I have supported... believe me!!
I think at this point if he leaves - it means he's not done. He's saying he will come home and not use - but his behaviors are off and what he's saying doesn't speak recovery. It speaks egotistical and naive. Not good signs. For him or my family.
Hopefully his attitude will change - and our family can get the counseling it needs... but until a tidal wave hits him.. i'm not sure he's going to get it. Maybe some people (my husband) needs to lose their family to get the primal understanding that this has to stop and this has to stop now.. and I need to take this recovery thing seriously. Not just go through the motions so my wife takes me back... again!
Until then - I take care of me, the kids, and come hear to read others stories and it is comforting because i'm not alone. I don't have to be alone.
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Join Date: Jul 2013
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At least I have made up my mind. Now - it's just dealing with the emotions and choices and consequences of my choices. Yet - it's better than indecisiveness which I was struggling with. I have been with this man for 13 year and have two of his kids!! We have went around and around.
I need peace, security and safety.... and he doesn't graduate his long-term program until next January at the earliest. So.. if he does stay there's plenty of time for him to change his attitude. (see positivity) I really do hope his attitude changes... but it's not up to me.
I need peace, security and safety.... and he doesn't graduate his long-term program until next January at the earliest. So.. if he does stay there's plenty of time for him to change his attitude. (see positivity) I really do hope his attitude changes... but it's not up to me.
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Join Date: Apr 2014
Posts: 76
I really do hope the best for you! Sometimes rehab clicks for people right away and sometimes it really does take them losing everything before they realize they are hardly living at all. I so hope this is the case with your husband.
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Join Date: Feb 2013
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I'm so afraid of going back to how we were (him using, lying, stealing. me never knowing what the hell was going on until it was too late).
um, not to be the Parade Rain Uponer but...he already IS using, lying, stealing and you didn't know until VERY recently. so you already ARE where you were.........a relapse on heroin is no small thing. he's back in full blown active addiction. NOW. i don't think a couple counseling sessions are gonna cure him.....sorry, that probably sounds snarky - but he has a long road back and will have to work it harder than ever and commit to not using again no matter what....not tax bills, or car wrecks, or hep C diagnoses, deaths in the family, or a plague of locusts. and you don't have a whole lot of time to wait him out on this.....he's no longer first.
um, not to be the Parade Rain Uponer but...he already IS using, lying, stealing and you didn't know until VERY recently. so you already ARE where you were.........a relapse on heroin is no small thing. he's back in full blown active addiction. NOW. i don't think a couple counseling sessions are gonna cure him.....sorry, that probably sounds snarky - but he has a long road back and will have to work it harder than ever and commit to not using again no matter what....not tax bills, or car wrecks, or hep C diagnoses, deaths in the family, or a plague of locusts. and you don't have a whole lot of time to wait him out on this.....he's no longer first.
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Join Date: Jul 2013
Posts: 1,854
Originally Posted by BlueBones 
I was so thankful my SO was willing to go to rehab. Who knows how it will be this time around though. I think that's what's so hard. The uncertainty. You want so badly for your relationship and family to work and be healthy and happy- And you are willing to put in the work to have it. But if they're not, it's just wasted effort. It hurts so bad that there is nothing to do to make them have some clarity or want it like you do. Even if they do want it, a lot of times, they are too caught in their own addiction to know what they want. They can't love or feel or do normal things when they're using. When my SO is clean, he is amazing. He is a sweet, loving and sensitive person. When he is using, he is cold, distant and manipulative. It doesn't change the love I have for him, but it exhausts me to essentially love someone with two radically different personalities.
To: BLUE bones
From: BLUE chair
Now I have someone to share BLUE with !
Reading what you wrote made me feel a lot of emotions. How scary for him to test positive for hep c. My husband was an IV user and I remember waiting for all the test to come back. He was negative for that one but did have an STD !! Mistress of Cocaine wasn't enough when he was binging.
Its hopeful your SO is interested in counseling. My husband went to inpatient, a little outpatient and now sticks with counseling. His binging was last year and I thought by now it would all be over, but physically and emotionally he isn't 100% yet. He has had minor blips but not with his DOC coke, h, downers. Your right its scary ! what will happen next. I hope your SO picks himself up because relapse can happen but it doesn't mean the end. Hes come along way, and has skills from rehab. I hope he doesn't let it get him down because its not failure, it can be a blip. I encourage family counseling like you talked about wanting to do. I love our sessions together and the doctor calls us a team. Your expecting a baby so in a lot of ways you need to be a team more than ever right now. We want to do everything to help them, but its a lot of inside work because they face obstacles, choices, thoughts and feelings every minute and can only rely on themselves in the end. Congrats on your little one arriving soon.
((BLUEbones))
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Apr 2014
Posts: 76
BlueChair, would you look at that!
Your post was really touching- thank you for your kind words. I truly believe that slip ups do happen. Sometimes they turn into fullb on relapse, sometimes they can be a learning experience. Regardless, we have no say in that, only our addicts do. We do have a say in our reactions though and in a lot of ways, im still learning my boundaries and getting those in place. Its a constant process of decision making for all parties. Im glad that your husband is in at least some type of treatment. Its scary not knowing what the next step will be but I hope it gets and stays better for you. I look at us as a team and I am optimistic (as much as i can be) still about our future. Hugs to you
Your post was really touching- thank you for your kind words. I truly believe that slip ups do happen. Sometimes they turn into fullb on relapse, sometimes they can be a learning experience. Regardless, we have no say in that, only our addicts do. We do have a say in our reactions though and in a lot of ways, im still learning my boundaries and getting those in place. Its a constant process of decision making for all parties. Im glad that your husband is in at least some type of treatment. Its scary not knowing what the next step will be but I hope it gets and stays better for you. I look at us as a team and I am optimistic (as much as i can be) still about our future. Hugs to you
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