justinJustQuit

hi guys, I failed again and started drinking. I made it 31 days sober though, and no one can take that away. I can feel withdrawal coming on, and I am currently trying to get a doctor appointment to see what needs to happen detox wise.

I will detox again, and re double my AA efforts. I also just hired a psychologist. I am writing up a new plan, and learning about what made me fail. I need to find a way to prevent this.

I am not going to any social functions, not going anywhere where there's alcohol for at least two months.

This seems so stupid, but I fell off because I had to get rid of my cat since she attacks my son. Such a trivial thing, but it is what it is. I just have to fix this.

I just wanted to let you guys know this. I don't want to be a liar.

Upward2Enlightenment

We all make mistakes and you are trying to learn from yours. The important thing is you are trying again.

happycampers

you're doing just fine ! Getting right up proves that - good for you ! You'll kick this for good - keep moving forward !

ScottFromWI

Glad to hear you are back on track Justin, and sorry to hear about your cat.

One of the things you have mentioned in your past posts when you have relapsed is that you plan on spending a lot more time here as well. It seems like you do for a few days and then sort of dissapear, and then we hear about a relapse from you a couple weeks later. I'm not sure if you are reading SR in those times we dont' hear from you, but if posting and reading here helps you - by all means do it. SR is here for you to post about things that are bothering you and to help you get through bad moments - just like your AA numbers are there to call if you need it.

We are here for each other - use the resources available to you, it really can help.

SoulKat

Getting rid of your cat is not a trivial thing. Pets are like family and I would be devastated if I had to give one of mine away for any reason. Don't be so hard on yourself. You're back on the wagon and that's what matters.

Stoogy

We are all human, it just strengthen your resolve for this time when you kick it for good.
Have every faith in you, you CAN do it.

Dee74

Welcome back Justin - as usual Scott makes some good points.

What is the best devised plan in the world but words on a page if we don't work it, refine it and use it to maintain our recovery?

D

izzy8

Love your honesty, Justin. Losing your cat that way has to be hard. We had a cat go crazy once. Congrats on not giving up.

least

I hope this is your successful attempt at living sober for good.

Marjoram

Scott has a great point (honestly, everyone does here). I believe that is true as it is what I have done off and on for the past few years. Showing up for a while, falling off the wagon, and then coming back again, then falling off the wagon. The key is you are coming back and keep trying. But, like the veterans always ask us - what can we change that is different from what hasn't worked. I have found that telling myself even if it's just a few minutes in the day to connect with the group here, I have to do it. Helps to keep things in check.

I have no bragging rights by any means, as I'm only on day 18, but I did find that reaching out to my brother who is 13 years sober, and going to an AA meeting has really helped my mind set in this past week especially. That was what I changed, that was the step I took. I pray it sticks, and I pray that the difference in my feelings is a sign that I'm on the right track. I was on a track before, but needed to find the one that will take me to my destination - sobriety.

You did a great job - and you are inspiring in many ways. So, don't give up, listen to what others say, and stick with it. You are in my prayers along with everyone else here!

I am very sorry about your cat, too. I have furry kids, and they sure can tug on the heart strings.

Take care. And a big hug for you!

Upward2Enlightenment

Praying for you marjoram, just keep using whatever resource you have that helps you.

Kitkat331

There was an episode of the bubble hour podcast recently with an addiction dr talking about the fact that most successfully long-term-sober go through some failed attempts first. You might enjoy listening to it:

thebubblehour.com/2014/04/special-guest-dr-john-kelly-changing.html

Best wishes to you, glad you came back!

LadyBlue0527

Hi Justin, I am a cat fanatic and I fully understand how the loss of an animal feels. My kitty passed away 5 years ago next month and had she lived until that August she would have been 20 years old. I rescued her as a brand new kitten at the shelter. The loss of a pet is devastating and having to give one up is just as hard. I feel for you. It's not trivial by any means.

What I do want to say though is that somehow you have to find a way to make sobriety unconditional. If you don't you will always find a reason to pick up. Many of us can identify with being so distraught over the loss of a pet that it would make us want to drink. However, we'd also find a way to drink because we left the house and forgot the car keys. You get my drift.

The only way to maintain sobriety is for there to be no acceptable reason to drink, no matter the circumstance. You know by now that alcohol doesn't fix anything. It might take focus off the pain for a small fraction of time but it's still there to deal with when the fog clears.

It sounds like you have a plan of action. How about adding that there will be no plausible excuse or reason to pick up a drink? That's the only way through. It gets easier with practice. I promise. In fact, you'll find that any painful healing process is less intense and you get through it much more quickly.

Marjoram

This is a great way to look at it. Thank you LadyBlue for a good thought not only for Justin but for all of us. I sometimes think about what I will do when I lose one of my pets, or the death of a friend or a family member. I don't worry about it every day, but the thought has passed through my mind. Every time we'd have to bury a loved pet or a family member, a toast (or two or three turning into a day/evening of drinking) would occur. But, you hit the nail on the head - we drink for any reason.

Justin - your thread here was very helpful to me, too. Thank you for coming back. Thank you for being honest. And thank you for working so hard to make your sobriety happen.

Dee74

A great great post LB - I hope a lot of people see that - including you, Justin

D

Thirdtime

Justin. Let's do this. I am back to Day 1, as well. Hang in there.

justinJustQuit

I'm working on this as we speak. I do not understand how the AA folks say "No alcohol today. You can drink tomorrow. Just not today.", and say don't think about tomorrow. If this works, do it. But if I told myself I could drink tomorrow you damn well better know I'll be shoveling booze down my throat.

Kitkat331

I'm not an AA person, but to me the point of thinking "just today" is to bring your focus to NOW (only thing you control anyway) instead of discouraging yourself by worrying about "forever" or far off events ("I want to toast with champagne at my daughter's wedding!!"--my daughter is 8, I have some time...)

justinJustQuit

I generally DO read posts even when I dont post. I think about other people's problems instead of managing my own issues.


There will be a post on my plan of action later this evening. There is an intense plan that is different that what I have been doing. (which is obviously not working or I wouldn't be detoxing)

justinJustQuit

This is actually very helpful as the people in AA do not spin it like that.