PAINLESS66

I dont know why some people have to constantly kick a person when their trying their best to better themselves... My EX wont give me a chance to make up for the lies I told her when I was using and only calls me when shes had a few drinks and gets that liquid courage. Its all good that she thinks im still lying to her when i tell her how clean I am because i know the truth so it dosent matter to me one way or another wether she believes in me or not. I WILL NOT ALLOW HER TO MAKE ME SO MAD THAT I RUN LIKE A PUNK FOR THE NEEDLE. Never gunna happen.. Her not being with me through ths is her loss not mine. she showed her true colors when i needed her the most and i understand that i hurt her with many lies about being high but comeon... when u know someone has done their best to apologise and u know they mean it and that their doing all they can to make thngs better they dont need verbal abuse telling them once and addict always an addict and that relapse will be coming for me.. screw that. im in charge of what i do and i choose life.. a clean life... so.. all u haters out there with little or no faith in this man... kiss it.. ill be fine without any of u in my life...

Dee74

Hey Painless

I think you need to focus on yourself right now. There'll be time enough later, when you're down the road a little in your recovery, to make amends.

This all sounds pretty stressful to be honest. Maybe don't take the calls for a while.
Give both of you some space.

Learn to walk before you can run - y'know?

D

Thepatman

Like Dee said maybe it's time to be selffish and concentrate on your recovery.

We got your back on SR, keep standing tall!

EndGameNYC

One of the many unfortunate consequences of my drinking was that I trained people in my life not to trust me.

I learned that trust is the first thing we lose and the last thing we get back.

In addition to making amends, the only thing I can do is make a better life for myself, which now includes easing the pain and suffering of other people.

Anna

One of the things we learn in recovery is that we can't control what other people think of us. We just can't. All you can control is yourself and your recovery, so focus on that.

Upward2Enlightenment

I agree with the others, focus on yourself now. Praying things get better with your ex.

Leana

Unfortunately you are not in control of her capacity to forgive any more than she was able to control your addiction.

OpioPhobe

Painless - the only thing you can do to make the situation better is to stay clean. Personally, I really wouldn't pick up those types of calls from an ex. If you aren't living with your ex then it is fairly easy to avoid the confrontation. I agree that we can't control how others react, but we can avoid putting ourselves in situations that we know are going to be harmful to our recovery.

PAINLESS66

Thanks everyone! !! I fully agree... I'll be here daily posting my progress. Love painless

MIRecovery

I answer to nobody but myself when it comes to my sobriety.

I have come to understand the primary reason loved ones don't trust me is because they don't want to be hurt. It is much easier to not trust and then not disappointed then it is to trust and then be hurt.

I used to think it was the other persons loss but I see it is my loss. I turned someone that trusted me into someone who didn't.

Trust is something that is earned. It took a long while to destroy the trust it will take me a long while to regain it.

lifenomad

its one of the ways the alcohol hurts us, and in turn we hurt the people around us, unfortunately its the people we llove the most.

im trying to fix things with my wife, she sees the change and knows it, but still tells me shes tired of my sorrys, tired of my apologies. I feel the same way, I know im doing better for myself, and in turn it should be better for those around me, but the one person that matters most to me is the one that still doubts me.

HumbleNumb

hey fella... hang in there and try to remember "hurting people hurt people"... You've done it, I've done it... we've all done it. Grace is meant for that too... so try to extend some her way... and just don't react at all. You have the choice of whether or not to communicate with her, and sometimes grace is shown best by just letting someone be for a while... At least, that's been my experience.

Amazingglazier

Painless, you have to be able to see the disappointment in others eyes and by your actions try to alleviate that and win back their trust it takes time, be patient, I know it hurts! But on the other hand , remember that your commitment to YOUR SOBRIETY is only yours, they don't have to do it YOU DO! And when you do they will be "Collateral Winners" in your journey. Stay Strong and Well ! Bobby

Upward2Enlightenment

As others have said painless don't pick up her calls. In time she will see that your recovery is genuine.

BrendonM

As someone who has hurt my girlfriend with my drinking to the point we broke up briefly, I have come to terms with the fact that you can't earn back trust easily. Time is just as critical as nice words and good behaviour. In fact, nice words and good behaviour are outright worthless without the time component.

Ruby2

The best "revenge" and I don't mean it in a vindictive way, is a life well lived. In working towards our own recovery we become people who happen to be addicts and not addicts who happen to be people. Hang in there. Time will sort these things out. When I've been in this situation I needed my space to recover.