Blah, messed up 7 days
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Apr 2014
Posts: 6
Blah, messed up 7 days
Hey,
So happy to have found this site. I just need to vent.
Im sober 24 hours. 7 day bender. All of yesterday was fricking rough.
Im just looking for support at the moment and I need vent and express the
things I'm very dissapointed about. I'm Canadian and went to the US with this
guy I like. Drank on the train down to the US and blacked out after the train, before getting cut off on the train. I woke up hungover and was going through
anxiety like usual, hanging out with this guy, so of course I drank more in the
afternoon cause thats the only way I know how to get over a hangover.
I actaully was going to go home because he was going to drink more and I had stuff to do in the next couple days. I didn't go. So, of course I wake up hung over as hell the next day. I sleep all day in the hotel, I had arranged a family
dinner for my sister, me being the baby, everyone was proud of me. I get up at 7:00pm, the time of the dinner and text my mom and sister to let them know I got stuck in seattle.
I drank again, of course. Drank again Friday and dont remember that much. Saturday, the guy im dating decided to leave back to Canada, him not understanding how fricking hungover I was, how my anxiety was 15/10, bad. I was embarassed and he left. I went to catch the train and missed it by two seconds, it pulled away as I left. I got a mickey with the last little bit of my money before i arrived at the train station, drank that, got drunk, two cops showed up while I waited for the bus and asked if I needed to go to detox. I drank in an alley, a young woman in the states, which is fricking dangerous :'( But this was after I seriously contemplated killing myself in the hotel room because I couldn't deal with embarassing myself in public. :'( I'm happy I had nothing to kill myself with in that hotel room. Or I wouldn't be here to post this and get help. I dont know where I went after the alley, I think i ran somewhere? for some reason? I ended up losing my 250$ shades, a credit card, a debit card, a pair of pants, spent all my money. Got this guy im dating to pay for "the next day" from saturday til tuesday. I was 99% sure I was gonna kill myself in that room, I was suppost to work saturday, sunday and monday at my new job that I got a promotion for full time. I was stuck in the US and so scared. I dont remember Sunday, drank champagne. I know that much. Monday, I found a mini bar and missed my bus. I left on Tuesday on the 1:00bus. I bought a 6pack of tall cans because I borrowed money off of my mom. I slammed a beer in the cab and a beer in the bathroom of the train station. Now, I was so damn hungover, shaky, anxious, depressed, questioning my sanity, and felt like everyone on that bus new that. I could barely stand up. I looked like crap. Brutal!! People were looking at me like a freak. I caught the cab from the bus station to home. I drank a beer and a half at home, and dumped out the last 4. My mom would kick me out if she found them, but I had them all hidden around the house. I decided to dump them.
Now, I have to deal with two jobs that I missed. I dissapointed my family and my mom. My home life could be in jeopardy. I spent $3000, of this guys money because I couldn't stand not drinking and getting over my hangover. I was gonna kill myself. And Im just so dissapointed in myself.
I really dont want to lose this job. Im scared and needed to vent. Im going to get help. Im going to AA and am listening to AA youtube videos, im in the chat room chatting with other people. I'm just sad and upset right now.
Why do I keep doing this ? When everything is going right.
I have my higher power holding my hand right now, but these feelings are very hard to deal with. Any words of positivity or encouragement, I would greatly appreciate it.
Ohya, now im detoxing- having lucid nightmares, just feel like crap and can barely sleep.
So happy to have found this site. I just need to vent.
Im sober 24 hours. 7 day bender. All of yesterday was fricking rough.
Im just looking for support at the moment and I need vent and express the
things I'm very dissapointed about. I'm Canadian and went to the US with this
guy I like. Drank on the train down to the US and blacked out after the train, before getting cut off on the train. I woke up hungover and was going through
anxiety like usual, hanging out with this guy, so of course I drank more in the
afternoon cause thats the only way I know how to get over a hangover.
I actaully was going to go home because he was going to drink more and I had stuff to do in the next couple days. I didn't go. So, of course I wake up hung over as hell the next day. I sleep all day in the hotel, I had arranged a family
dinner for my sister, me being the baby, everyone was proud of me. I get up at 7:00pm, the time of the dinner and text my mom and sister to let them know I got stuck in seattle.
I drank again, of course. Drank again Friday and dont remember that much. Saturday, the guy im dating decided to leave back to Canada, him not understanding how fricking hungover I was, how my anxiety was 15/10, bad. I was embarassed and he left. I went to catch the train and missed it by two seconds, it pulled away as I left. I got a mickey with the last little bit of my money before i arrived at the train station, drank that, got drunk, two cops showed up while I waited for the bus and asked if I needed to go to detox. I drank in an alley, a young woman in the states, which is fricking dangerous :'( But this was after I seriously contemplated killing myself in the hotel room because I couldn't deal with embarassing myself in public. :'( I'm happy I had nothing to kill myself with in that hotel room. Or I wouldn't be here to post this and get help. I dont know where I went after the alley, I think i ran somewhere? for some reason? I ended up losing my 250$ shades, a credit card, a debit card, a pair of pants, spent all my money. Got this guy im dating to pay for "the next day" from saturday til tuesday. I was 99% sure I was gonna kill myself in that room, I was suppost to work saturday, sunday and monday at my new job that I got a promotion for full time. I was stuck in the US and so scared. I dont remember Sunday, drank champagne. I know that much. Monday, I found a mini bar and missed my bus. I left on Tuesday on the 1:00bus. I bought a 6pack of tall cans because I borrowed money off of my mom. I slammed a beer in the cab and a beer in the bathroom of the train station. Now, I was so damn hungover, shaky, anxious, depressed, questioning my sanity, and felt like everyone on that bus new that. I could barely stand up. I looked like crap. Brutal!! People were looking at me like a freak. I caught the cab from the bus station to home. I drank a beer and a half at home, and dumped out the last 4. My mom would kick me out if she found them, but I had them all hidden around the house. I decided to dump them. Now, I have to deal with two jobs that I missed. I dissapointed my family and my mom. My home life could be in jeopardy. I spent $3000, of this guys money because I couldn't stand not drinking and getting over my hangover. I was gonna kill myself. And Im just so dissapointed in myself.
I really dont want to lose this job. Im scared and needed to vent. Im going to get help. Im going to AA and am listening to AA youtube videos, im in the chat room chatting with other people. I'm just sad and upset right now.
Why do I keep doing this ? When everything is going right.
I have my higher power holding my hand right now, but these feelings are very hard to deal with. Any words of positivity or encouragement, I would greatly appreciate it.
Ohya, now im detoxing- having lucid nightmares, just feel like crap and can barely sleep.
Member
Join Date: Jun 2012
Location: Gatineau, QC, CA
Posts: 5,100
I'm sorry about what you have been trough.
I am also on day one from a completely idiotic bender.
I am drinking gallons of water, do the same and tomorrow is a different day.
Going to AA sounds like a great plan, you can make this you last hangover day!
I am also on day one from a completely idiotic bender.
I am drinking gallons of water, do the same and tomorrow is a different day.
Going to AA sounds like a great plan, you can make this you last hangover day!
Member
Join Date: Mar 2014
Location: PA
Posts: 12,000
k14, sorry to hear a bout it, going to a meeting is a good start, just don't look back. I would consider getting professional help ie. a doctor or therapist to help you through this. just be careful of the withdrawal, it can be very dangerous.
Glad you came here. keep posting. and keep going to meetings. I hope you have some good support from your family.
Glad you came here. keep posting. and keep going to meetings. I hope you have some good support from your family.
Member
Join Date: Feb 2014
Location: East Coast USA
Posts: 120,859
Sounds like you had a very horrible experience, k14. Have you considered talking with your doctor to help you formuate a plan for sobriety or a referral to a therapist? Glad to hear that you are going to AA; please let us know how the meeting goes for you.
SR has been a great resource for me; I would encourage you to surf the site; there are many helpful articles on alcoholism. Also, you may want to join the Class of April 2014 so that you can interact with and relate to people who are also going through early stages of sobriety.
Keep posting, k14; glad you found s.
SR has been a great resource for me; I would encourage you to surf the site; there are many helpful articles on alcoholism. Also, you may want to join the Class of April 2014 so that you can interact with and relate to people who are also going through early stages of sobriety.
Keep posting, k14; glad you found s.
Member
Join Date: Mar 2012
Location: Newcastle
Posts: 908
K14 that sounds like a brutal experience. I've certainly done the same thing and ended up in another country, it's scary how out of control we can get. I have felt suicidal mid bender too, it's awful it really really is.
But glad you're here. A meeting might be a good step for you. Hang on in there and I hope you feel better soon. I know it sounds stupid but try not to beat yourself up over it, it's done now. Take it as a lesson learnt! Most of all take care :hugs
But glad you're here. A meeting might be a good step for you. Hang on in there and I hope you feel better soon. I know it sounds stupid but try not to beat yourself up over it, it's done now. Take it as a lesson learnt! Most of all take care :hugs
Member
Join Date: Feb 2014
Location: East Coast USA
Posts: 120,859
Originally Posted by k14 
i was, was doing pretty well besides a one or two day party.
but life was good, im so greatful for this site
but life was good, im so greatful for this site
Were you actively seeking sobriety before this incident? Was this incident a relapse?
Member
Join Date: Feb 2014
Location: East Coast USA
Posts: 120,859
Originally Posted by k14
i wasn't, i honestly thought i could control it (or i was in denial)
Glad to that you are going to AA; maybe you could talk to your doctor, also? Your doctor may have some additional suggestions.
Member
Join Date: Mar 2014
Posts: 76
Originally Posted by k14
Why do I keep doing this ? When everything is going right.
Another thing I wanted to add: the only time in my life that I truly REALLY wanted to kill myself was when I was drinking. I got very close a few times. Being sober now, I no longer have those thoughts like I used to. The anxiety is barely there anymore and my depression is basically gone. I used to fool myself and say that the booze had nothing to do with me being suicidal, anxious, and depressed. In all actuality, alcohol was the reason I was suicidal, anxious, and depressed.
There is a better way to live. I hope you take the necessary action to find out how good life can be.
Community Greeter
Join Date: Aug 2007
Location: Upstate New York
Posts: 51,536
Welcome k14. I'm so sorry for all that you've been through. I did that sort of thing many times.
It was hard to acknowledge that once it got in my system I had no control. I always intended to just have a few - to stay high and happy - but it never worked out that way. Each time I had a few all my determination went out the window. Willpower is useless against our addiction. I wish it hadn't taken me decades to figure that out. You've learned something valuable. You can stop alcohol from destroying your life. We are with you as you begin this journey. We know you can do it.
It was hard to acknowledge that once it got in my system I had no control. I always intended to just have a few - to stay high and happy - but it never worked out that way. Each time I had a few all my determination went out the window. Willpower is useless against our addiction. I wish it hadn't taken me decades to figure that out. You've learned something valuable. You can stop alcohol from destroying your life. We are with you as you begin this journey. We know you can do it.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Apr 2014
Posts: 6
Gratitude is one word for today. I've watched numerous AA videos (humorous ones).
The best cure is laughter, fixing the problems that I can fix. Being grateful for what I do
have, which is my life, my wonderful family, beautiful friends and I live in a beautiful city.
I'm taking care of myself atm, eating, drinking lots of water and gonna have a bath.
Fewf. That was a couple rough days, but I feel like I have an idea of the solution and I
love that.
Thank you everyone so much for having an open ear, and beautiful responses of kindness.
Life is beautiful because we're all living and kindness can truly heal, Thank you
The best cure is laughter, fixing the problems that I can fix. Being grateful for what I do
have, which is my life, my wonderful family, beautiful friends and I live in a beautiful city.
I'm taking care of myself atm, eating, drinking lots of water and gonna have a bath.
Fewf. That was a couple rough days, but I feel like I have an idea of the solution and I
love that.
Thank you everyone so much for having an open ear, and beautiful responses of kindness.
Life is beautiful because we're all living and kindness can truly heal, Thank you
Member
Join Date: Aug 2013
Location: North salt lake
Posts: 3,325
Not drinking. Good idea. Now you mentioned suicide a few times. Seems to me you may want to talk to someone about those thoughts. Drunk or not, that is not a thought you should have. Good luck.
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