SolitaryThinker

I'm having a hard time today, I'm 28 and 14 days sober. My mother is not doing as well and it's really stressing me out. I'm gonna copy and paste my problem after this message. Any input or ideas would be lovely, I'm really depressed about all this and it's hindering my ability to stay sober.

SolitaryThinker

Ok, here is why I'm even more distressed today. I was already very deep in my head today anyway, just thinking a lot but in a good way. My posts this morning reflect that I think. It wasn't pleasant thoughts, but legit ones. Anyway. My mom is really bad with the drinking too, and a workaholic as well, a brutal combo. She is supposed to be taking Antabuse. My stepfather loves her very much and treats her like gold, but he and I don't really have a close relationship. We do get along tho. Between the two of us we try to make sure she is feeling/doing well and staying on her meds. We crush it up in water usually, but she gets confident again, and will say things like "I'm not a baby I can take it like an adult" and gets all frustrated. She does well for a month or so at a time, and then starts pocketing them in her mouth in prep for knowing she wants to drink. Well I posted she did that on Easter. The problem with her logic is that she is still getting a small dosage of Antabuse keeping it in her mouth for that short amount of time. She haven't been to work sense Easter. I came home early this morning before work and she was vomiting in the sink and stunk of wine. I don't even question/ask about it anymore cause I just know what the deal is, and she gets extremely aggressive if I bring it up. In the state that I am in right now this is just making even more sad. I worked my day and when I got back home she was even worse. She is alone in the house all day if she is not working and I can't babysit cause I work 2 jobs. My stepdad won't be home till late every night during the week because of work all the time. I have a 12 flight set of stairs in the house and she has fallen down the stairs and hurt herself bad before, when her blood sugar drops it's even worse. I have the same hypoglycemic issue also if I drink or not. It's so stressful for me because I know she's sad cause my dad killed himself so I don't get angry with her, even tho I want to scream my brains out. I'm just even more worried and anxious cause of this. I stopped looking to her for guidance because when she sobers up, she almost tries to play "catch up" in a way and is a complete hardass. I'm almost 30 and live my own life semi comfortably. I'm just so sad seeing this, and then I get put in the position where I have to dig around the house looking for bottles in the typical hiding spots, and I'm standing at the sink thinking about drinking it myself. Then, I wanna just leave, I have plenty of safe places where I can just vibe out and relax. My GFs parents love me to deth and let me hang there whenever I want. They feed me and take care of me better then my parents ever have. It's kinda sad, but not also. Thankful I have that at least. But then I feel guilty leaving and living my life, she holds me back with her problem wether she is aware of it or not. I'm driving in the car with images of her tumbling down the stairs again, and my girls place is a good 30/40 min drive from my place, not directly around the corner. I know family is everything, but this is really killing me inside, and making staying sober only that much harder. Thank you for listening. This isn't easy for me, I just feel numb, the same numb from drinking and I'm sober. It makes me really scared that I may not find happiness at all. Not even an excuse to drink cause that gets me nowhere. Just really afraid it's not there anymore.

ichabod

Family is very important, but it is not everything. Everything should be your sobriety because with that in place you will better be able to handle the horrors that life sometimes throws you. You'll better appreciate the wonderful things too., and there are lots of wonderful things. This is so early in your sobriety. Your body and mind are in chaos. I'm not an alcoholic but I went through early sobriety with my husband and he was a mess. It got worse before it got better, but then it got much, much better.

I am very, very sorry that your mom is deteriorating but it is not your place to keep her sober. She has to want it and if she doesn't there's nothing you can do, just like no one except you can keep yourself sober. Are you in AA or any other program? Quitting drinking is the first step (well, after admitting the powerlessness you have) but having a community that understands and supports you is essential to your long term sobriety.

I know it's hard, but you need to step away from your mother and let her live her life and hit her bottom if that is where she is headed. Be a little selfish (be very selfish) and focus on you. You can do it, you really can. One minute at a time if that's what it takes. You are important.

SolitaryThinker

Thank you so much. I know that's what needs to be done. But my guilt makes me feel like a bad person. I'm really emotional for a guy and think a lot. So I feel sad inside you know? Plus there are a few things she does help me with and I guess my own fear is keeping me connected. I should just worry about myself more but it's not the kind of person I am normally, so I guess I need to learn how. Or force myself

HopefulinFLA

Solitary, have thought about an ACoA or Alanon meeting? Might help you resolve some of your feelings. You know, you are not responsible for the sobriety or well being of your mother, or any other adult. Just you.

Wishing you well, take care.

SolitaryThinker

I have not and have had trouble finding anything from therapists to meetings other then AA in churches in my area. See I have been off hard drugs for 8 years, and did many meetings as such to get past that, so I kinda have a lot of the tools equipped to stay away, that's not realy my issue at the moment. But dealing with the emotions and feelings is just confusing and driving me a little crazy. It's hard to focus on everything with all this going on, along with keeping my own life in order. I'm under immense stress and depressed and I don't wanna feel ever so down on myself

Mango blast

Congratulations on your sobriety! I'm sorry to hear you're struggling right now.

Here's a link for finding Alanon meetings near you:
http://www.al-anon.alateen.org/local-meetings

Good luck! Have you asked at AA for recommendations for therapists?

Do you also have a doctor who you relate well to? After not making progress with conventional doctors, I've been to several naturopathic doctors, some better than others but all I've learned something from. Now our family members have been going to a chiropractic clinic that specializes in Nutrition Response Therapy and have had great results. Mind, body and spirit are all connected. It's taken me some time to start noticing what's a physical problem and what's spiritual or mental.

readerbaby71

I'm so sorry you're going through this. It's hell to watch someone we love destroying themselves. Do you think it's time for you to move out? I know you love your mom but she's an adult and can't stop her from drinking if that's what she wants to do.

Congrats on getting sober. It's a huge accomplishment. HUGS to you. I wish there was something I could say to help ease your pain.