Hi everyone!!!
Hi everyone!!!
I just wanted to say hi to everyone and let you know that I am doing ok....for now. I have been keeping as busy as I can. I have gotten alot of things done (with alot more still to do ) and just Tuesday went to a meeting, I have another tomorrow that is my regular one.
I was doing pretty good today until my x-A called and wanted more of his stuff. He started out by asking how I was doing (that's a first since a kicked him out) I asked how he was...he replied he had hit 4 months sober yesterday. I said that was good, congratulations. Then he started about getting his things. I had given him some stipulations about getting his things about a week ago. He now wants me to listen why he explains why he needs to do it another way. I listened.....and then I said no, you know how it's going to be. He says " I promise" I said...and I quote " Your promises don't mean **** to me anymore, so save your breath." He said "I know" and continued to try to explain why. I just said I gotta go (I was at work) and hung up.
After hearing his voice, I got upset all over again and was crying. It all came back to me fresh as to why he's gone. He didn't hit me with is fist..it was all pushing, shoving,throwing keys and hitting me & trying to restrain me that left me with several bruses. Is this also physical abuse? I feel (in my mind) as if he beat the tar out of me. I keep trying to seperate it in my mind and I just feel as if it's all the same thing. It keeps me upset <img border="0" alt="[Pi Cry]" title="" src="graemlins/../graemlins/pi_cry.gif" /> and I want to confront him about it when he comes here but instead I just put what he wants on the porch and stay inside or leave until he is gone.
I also feel as if I have regressed in my recovery because of all of this. I seem to be stuck in this spot and don't know how to get out. ( Is there any climbing gear that comes with the bunny slippers? )
Well...thanks again for listening. I didn't intend to write so much but once I started, it just all came out.
Searching for my sanity, Chandra
I was doing pretty good today until my x-A called and wanted more of his stuff. He started out by asking how I was doing (that's a first since a kicked him out) I asked how he was...he replied he had hit 4 months sober yesterday. I said that was good, congratulations. Then he started about getting his things. I had given him some stipulations about getting his things about a week ago. He now wants me to listen why he explains why he needs to do it another way. I listened.....and then I said no, you know how it's going to be. He says " I promise" I said...and I quote " Your promises don't mean **** to me anymore, so save your breath." He said "I know" and continued to try to explain why. I just said I gotta go (I was at work) and hung up.
After hearing his voice, I got upset all over again and was crying. It all came back to me fresh as to why he's gone. He didn't hit me with is fist..it was all pushing, shoving,throwing keys and hitting me & trying to restrain me that left me with several bruses. Is this also physical abuse? I feel (in my mind) as if he beat the tar out of me. I keep trying to seperate it in my mind and I just feel as if it's all the same thing. It keeps me upset <img border="0" alt="[Pi Cry]" title="" src="graemlins/../graemlins/pi_cry.gif" /> and I want to confront him about it when he comes here but instead I just put what he wants on the porch and stay inside or leave until he is gone.
I also feel as if I have regressed in my recovery because of all of this. I seem to be stuck in this spot and don't know how to get out. ( Is there any climbing gear that comes with the bunny slippers? )
Well...thanks again for listening. I didn't intend to write so much but once I started, it just all came out.
Searching for my sanity, Chandra
Hi Chandra!
You're not regressing. You're just purging some old ****. In early recovery, to give ourselves a lot of good momentum, we often try to act "totally" recovered. There's nothing wrong with this. Sometimes we fake it so well we convince ourselves we're "over it". We feel evolved and in control of our lives, forgetting we were a basket case just last week. Then issues start to pop up that we realize we haven't really dealt with and we get the shakes. All it means is that you have a very firm grasp intellectually on where you need to go in recovery, you just have some emotional dust motes to clean out. It's not regressing. It is definitely PROgressing.
Hugs!
Smoke
You're not regressing. You're just purging some old ****. In early recovery, to give ourselves a lot of good momentum, we often try to act "totally" recovered. There's nothing wrong with this. Sometimes we fake it so well we convince ourselves we're "over it". We feel evolved and in control of our lives, forgetting we were a basket case just last week. Then issues start to pop up that we realize we haven't really dealt with and we get the shakes. All it means is that you have a very firm grasp intellectually on where you need to go in recovery, you just have some emotional dust motes to clean out. It's not regressing. It is definitely PROgressing.
Hugs!
Smoke
Guest
Posts: n/a
Chandra,
Here's a link for you. It got moved down quickly so I'm not sure if you saw it.
<a href="http://soberrecovery.com/ubb/ultimatebb.php?ubb=get_topic;f=13;t=000745" target="_blank">http://soberrecovery.com/ubb/ultimatebb.php?ubb=get_topic;f=13;t=000745</a>
Feeling emotions does not mean you are going backwards. It means you are going forward.
Hugs,
MG
Here's a link for you. It got moved down quickly so I'm not sure if you saw it.
<a href="http://soberrecovery.com/ubb/ultimatebb.php?ubb=get_topic;f=13;t=000745" target="_blank">http://soberrecovery.com/ubb/ultimatebb.php?ubb=get_topic;f=13;t=000745</a>
Feeling emotions does not mean you are going backwards. It means you are going forward.
Hugs,
MG
Ahhh Chandra
How many sad posts have included the phrase "I was doing okay until my A called/dropped by"
We do okay and build our strength, and yup...there they are ready to push our buttons.
What Smoke and MG said is true - believe it or not this is a forward step in your recovery. You are no longer hiding everything from even yourself and pretending all is well.
We grieve for the person they used to be or could have been, but that person is an illusion now. And we have to move forward and make our days prettier. We have lived too long in "their" disease, and it is time to live in "our" recovery.
It will get better, I promise. One day at a time.
How many sad posts have included the phrase "I was doing okay until my A called/dropped by"
We do okay and build our strength, and yup...there they are ready to push our buttons.
What Smoke and MG said is true - believe it or not this is a forward step in your recovery. You are no longer hiding everything from even yourself and pretending all is well.
We grieve for the person they used to be or could have been, but that person is an illusion now. And we have to move forward and make our days prettier. We have lived too long in "their" disease, and it is time to live in "our" recovery.
It will get better, I promise. One day at a time.
((((((( Chandra )))))))
I'm right here with you! I fight thoses emotions every time I talk to the A and even when I listen to his messages on the answering machine because I refuse to talk to him anymore. I can't because I know it keeps me here stuck in the same old place.
You are doing great! And yes that is physical abuse! I went through the same with my A. Our mind plays tricks on us at times. We try to convince ourselves into thinking, well - maybe it wasn't that bad or I pushed him to the point he treated me like that or the abuse didn't happen all of the time. None of the less, shoving, slapping, restraining, leaving bruises shouldn't have happened at all - ever.
The A called last night again drunk - left a message. I can't talk to him for my own sanity.
He knows what buttons to push and he was using them last night. I should have not listened to the message because now I'm fighting those emotions. I went to bed last night upset and this morning that's all I've been thinking about. Every time I think about it though - I try to think about something else. It's helping!!
One good thing is I have no urge to call him. I'm not going to give my power to him. He left that message expecting me to do the usual - call him back or pick up while he's leaving the message.
Pat yourself on your back for not giving in to him and for standing your ground. I'm proud of you!!! Hang in there!!
Love,
Cindy
I'm right here with you! I fight thoses emotions every time I talk to the A and even when I listen to his messages on the answering machine because I refuse to talk to him anymore. I can't because I know it keeps me here stuck in the same old place.
You are doing great! And yes that is physical abuse! I went through the same with my A. Our mind plays tricks on us at times. We try to convince ourselves into thinking, well - maybe it wasn't that bad or I pushed him to the point he treated me like that or the abuse didn't happen all of the time. None of the less, shoving, slapping, restraining, leaving bruises shouldn't have happened at all - ever.
The A called last night again drunk - left a message. I can't talk to him for my own sanity.
He knows what buttons to push and he was using them last night. I should have not listened to the message because now I'm fighting those emotions. I went to bed last night upset and this morning that's all I've been thinking about. Every time I think about it though - I try to think about something else. It's helping!!
One good thing is I have no urge to call him. I'm not going to give my power to him. He left that message expecting me to do the usual - call him back or pick up while he's leaving the message.
Pat yourself on your back for not giving in to him and for standing your ground. I'm proud of you!!! Hang in there!!
Love,
Cindy
Thank you all for your replys.
MG-I did read that one.......maybe I just didn't READ it !!!
I went to a meeting tonight and thought I would feel better after...this is the first time after a meeting I didn't feel better. I even stayed after for about an hour and talked to some friends.
I am trying, the beat I know how, to keep it together. This seems to be the hardest time I have ever had in letting someone go. I can't figure that one out
Take care
Chandra
MG-I did read that one.......maybe I just didn't READ it !!!
I went to a meeting tonight and thought I would feel better after...this is the first time after a meeting I didn't feel better. I even stayed after for about an hour and talked to some friends.
I am trying, the beat I know how, to keep it together. This seems to be the hardest time I have ever had in letting someone go. I can't figure that one out
Take care
Chandra
Currently Active Users Viewing this Thread: 1 (0 members and 1 guests)