Thinking

As many of you know my ABF died recently. Thank you all for your support through this.

So many of my BF's friends have been supportive. One of them told me today that my BF had talked to him five years ago about having liver damage due to alcohol. This is new information for me. I've attended all the hospital appointments and heard my ABF say that he had no knowledge of any damage prior to this current bout of illness. I know it makes no difference to anything now but I feel so cheated. He told me so often how much I mattered to him and how before me, he had nothing to live for. How he wished he had met me sooner because he would have led a different, healthier life. So it feels like he should have tried to stop drinking once he fell in love with me. I guess his last lie just got exposed and it's too late. I had thought that he didn't have a chance to change but I was wrong. It hurts to find this out.

readerbaby71

I'm so sorry that finding this out is adding to your pain. Wishing you much strength and healing.

SparkleKitty

Oh, Thinking, I am so sorry.

Rather than taking this news as a personal reflection on you, let it be a reminder of just how powerful this disease can be. That DESPITE how much you meant to him, he could not find his way to change, not BECAUSE you didn't mean enough. For some, the path is just too difficult. Sending you strength and comfort.

hopeful4

I too am sorry Thinking. It's a sad sad road they choose.

Tight Hugs.

Raider

Very sad. I am sorry.

lillamy

Yeah. If love only was that strong, you know?

NoelleR

"... I guess his last lie just got exposed and it's too late. I had thought that he didn't have a chance to change but I was wrong. It hurts to find this out..."

I am sorry for your loss......not thst it makes a whole hill 'o beans difference, but have you consdered that he told you the truth and lied to his friend.....?

NoelleR

paige73

If love could fix all the damage, there wouldn't be any alcoholics left. I'm sorry you're going through this.

NYCDoglvr

Letting go is a process ... it takes time and it's ok to feel cheated and angry. I'm sorry for this tragedy, keep coming here for support.

MissFixit

I an sorry for your loss.

I think denial about the disease and denial about the reality of what happens to ones body when in the disease is really hard for many to overcome.

Hugs to you

Thinking

Thank you everyone. This one is a very tough one for me to deal with. It has adjusted my reality and yet I knew as soon as I was told that it was true. It made other little things fit.

Before he reached the final phase of his illness, I had been detaching and seeing him much less. Once I realised he was dying then it seemed to be the right thing for both him and me to help him through the last few days.

I have lost someone who was dear to me but I hope that knowing the truth about his choices will help me in the months to come. Maybe this knowledge will help me to let go.

Your thoughts and advice are so good for me. They help to talk me down from the upset and panic.