Ginamarie323

I've been dreading this for months (years) now, coming to grips with the fact that I'm an alcoholic, but when a bottle of wine a day doesn't do it anymore, even when I have to work in the morning, I need help. My world is crashing down around me, and I can't stop it. Was supposed to go to an AA meeting tonight, but I'm absolutely terrified and I just can't go alone. I've been suicidal and wish I could just fall asleep (pass out) and not wake up....but then there's my dog.

I'm hoping this forum helps me, and thank you for reading my dribble, as I'm sure you've heard it all.

Dee74

Hi Ginamarie

welcome to SR - there's a ton of support and understanding here. I'll hope you'll stick around and post some more.

If you feel in danger of self harm I hope you'll read the reading in this link and take note of the Crisis numbers to call:

http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/...ease-read.html

D

Gakx

You know what you have to do. Don't fear the AA meeting, we aren't all terrifying people, I promise. All that is required is that you show up and listen.

AA will ask you to find a higher power. Do it for the dog who relies on you to sustain life, do it for SR, do it for anything you believe in.

Don't let the roof keep collapsing in on you. Start building a new scaffold with one brick at a time. You don't have to tackle everything at once. Just begin simple, one AA meeting to get the ball rolling. Remind yourself constantly of how much you want sobriety. Best Wishes!

robgt350

Gina

there is a chat room here, you can go there and talk to people. at times there might be few or no people, but at times there are some great people to talk too.

MyTime86

Hi Gina Marie , welcome your in good company. There is a lot of great support here.

Coldfusion

Hi Ginamarie!

Look up AA in your local directory and give them a call. They might be able to arrange for someone to meet you before the meeting and accompany you.

EndGameNYC

Hi GinaMarie.

I was in your shoes once and also pleaded with the powers that be to not allow me to wake up each day. I just wanted to disappear.

It's only because my world actually did crash down around me that I got sober. I could no longer function on my own, and there was nothing else I could do. That was less than three years ago.

It took some time and some heavy lifting on my part, but things started getting much better once I was able to ask for help. All the wonderful support I got made all the difference for me. I only found SR after I was sober for about two years, but I can tell you that there is a great deal of compassion to be had here, and many people who've been -- or currently are -- where you are.

Now is not the time to despair. You've made a great start by reaching out here.

Through my own struggles, I learned that sometimes we need to fall apart in order to come together.

not2late

Ginamarie
We are all bigger than this drinking thing. We just have to keep believing that. It can escalate to out of control before you know it. Thing is you ARE in control. Stay here. Take one day at.a time. Many have succeeded and we can too. I just finished my day 5.

Ginamarie323

Thank you all so much. I never expected to even get a reply, let alone this much support. To be honest, I'm drinking right now. When I've tried to even cut down before I can't sleep, get the shakes, etc. I know I need to stop and had a good friend (recovering addict) tell me I needed detox, but I don't have insurance at the moment, and my finances are dwindling. I need to get sober because I can't see myself homeless with my dog in los angeles. (She is a german shepherd and needs a lot of care and food) Not to mention the fact that I'm too damn old to be homeless.

I drink to forget about my financial problems, etc, but it's just a temporary cure for anxiety....then it just gets worse. I guess I'm a semi-functioning alcoholic, with world crumbling down, at this point.

Thank you for listening, everyone

Upward2Enlightenment

Ginamarie look around, maybe even call AA, there are places that take people with no insurance. You could probably call a local rehab and ask them. Also I believe that most mental health places treat addiction and they will get you in somewhere if you tell them you are suicidal.

Just please don't hurt yourself.... I don't know you but care about you enough that I don't want to see you hurt yourself.

Coldfusion

I was able to find a no-cost detox program that was professional and while by no means luxurious, my detox was relatively easy.

I was out of money when I quit, but things have gotten much better now that I'm sober.

Ginamarie323

Thank you for your concern.....I'm not going to hurt myself as long as I have my dog under my care. I rescued her from shelter, and I can't abandon her unless I find suitable home for her...but she's so attached to me, as I am to her.

I will call AA and ask someone to take me and/or meet me at meeting....but then again I've been reading horror stories on line of people calling AA a cult and much worse. (I've been googling) I just am so lost at this point, which is why I'm writing on this forum.

Croissant

Ginamarie...sorry to hear you are feeling so bad. Things will get clearer if you let the alcohol get out of your system. There's been many times on benders that I have felt hopeless and helpless...and the beast within loves that because that just makes us want to drink more....when in fact, you and your body are in so much distress that you need to stop taking in alcohol.

Please go see a Doctor, they can assist you in going through detox and guide you through options.

You will also find support and resources here. You aren't alone.

heath480

Sorry you are struggling Ginamarie.Give the AA helpline a call.

Don't believe the negative things you hear about AA,I did and it kept me drinking for several more years.I eventually went to a meeting,I was desperate,since that day I have never needed another drink.

Wishing you well.

least

Welcome to the family. Give AA a good try. It's not a cult, just a lot of people with a common purpose: getting sober.

Thepatman

I agree with Least, AA can be a great support system, you will feel surrounded.

About detox, please see a doctor. Withdrawal is serious business.

Be safe

GotGrace

Welcome, Ginamarie. Lots of hugs and hope to you!

GracieLou

This is what I did. A lady came out and took me to a meeting. I just did not have the courage to go by myself plus I was drunk.

She picked me up and talked to me on the way to the meeting. I sat in the meeting and my anxiety was high so I went outside a couple times to have a cigarette and came back in. To be honest I don’t remember much about it other than at the end there was a bunch of ladies that gave me their phone number.

After that night I found the courage to go on my own and have been sober and attending ever since. It is scary and uncomfortable for a while but after a few weeks it got better and easier.

Joan, the lady that took me that first night, I still see here from time to time at meetings. She has 21 years sobriety and I thanked her for saving my life. She is one of my angels.

Call AA. They will set you up with someone in your area to take you.

Ginamarie323

I'm ashamed to say have still not gotten to a meeting. Didn't get home until 7 pm and was exhausted.....and you know I had to get some wine...but just a bottle this time and it's kicking my ass. I know I have to do this, I'm just terrified. Part of it is the social anxiety of just going there; another part is the giving up drinking thing all together. (I know I need to, but I have so many friends that meet me for drinks, etc) Not that that's an excuse.....but I guess it's like giving up an old friend. But at the same time I think I'm in denial that my life is in TOTAL CHAOS because of it.

My brain logically knows I need to do this, so why is it so hard?

MyTime86

Like you said its a like a close friend you can always rely on. Except this friend isn't true he make you feel special then chews you up an spits you out.
As for drinking with your friends I completely understand how hard that is all my friends drink, it's what we been doing for 10 plus years so to tell them I'm no longer doing it is a shock to the system. But they are true friends so they have been supporting me, it really does feel good to be sober an get rid of all the shame an anxiety. I can think clearly now a days