readerbaby71

Last week the therapist asked us to come up with three rules for our relationship. This is what we came up with:

1. HONESTY. always.

2. COMMUNICATION. Don't assume the other person's intentions behind what is said or done.

3. FRIENDSHIP. Sharing common bonds, laughing and having fun are all important elements that go into building a relationship. Keeping these elements alive can only improve things.

I don't know if these really sound like "rules" (not a fan of rules, lol), but it will be interesting to hear what the T says about them.

Do any of you have rules for your relationships? Sitting down and talking about/coming up with these was an interesting exercise.

LoveMeNow

Yes, we made a list of "agreements" during our therapy sessions. Once he relapsed, they all flew out the window.

MissFixit

We don't really have rules, but we are honest. Also, we don't ever force/coerce or manipulate the other one to do what one of us wants. If one doesn't want to do whatever, then the other just does it alone.

FeelingGreat

Sounds sort of superficial but I think politeness is really important. Plus the ones you listed.

readerbaby71

Having my own life and things that I do for me has always been very important to me. If I want to do something, I do it, and would never hold my SO back from doing what he loves or wants to do.

MissFixit

Me too. I have seen in MANY marriages around here that (usually) the wife makes the husband do all kinds of stuff he doesn't want to and he gets very resentful over time. I have heard many men complain behind their wives backs. I would never want that. Although, I was in a relationship for almost a decade where I did everything he wanted me to do. I did it because I loved him. he never appreciated it and I grew resentful after we split. wasted years.

dandylion

Yeah---respect always came in as #1 priority. My reasoning: One cannot love what they don't respect. One cannot respect (and love) another,properly, if they do not have respect for themselves. If one is coming from a position of respect--they cannot, then, treat another in an unloving and caring way.

Sing it to me Aretha....R E S P E C T.......give it to me;give it to me; give it to me.......


dandylion

FireSprite

We don't have rules per se, but years ago when I re-did our Master Bath while he was away in BASIC training my girlfriend & I painted psychedelic murals over 2 of the walls. Right next to the sink/mirror area is a large yin/yang with the words Love, Respect, Truth & Compassion written around the outside like this:



It kinda became our 4 Agreements, starting with how we treat our Selves & then by extension between us.... & I have most certainly pointed out to him how he has definitely not honored them in recent years & how it really is as simple (to me) as getting back to those basic tenets.

BlueChair

My husband and I have been in family counseling for a while now and we did an exercise like that too. I love our family sessions !! There is a website called Marriage Builders, a lot of thought provoking things there. I know you two aren't married, but I think its good for anyone in a serious relationship.

Wahine

My AH and I went to marriage counseling. We were suppose to make a list of "rules". Never got there. I couldn't get over him lying to the T about how much he drank.

Stung

I think the only rules that we have are that we can't use the terms "always" or "never" and that we stay off each other's side of the street, but I get on my husband's side of the street still but I just tell him that I'm going to do it before I do. Like "hey I'm gonna hop over to your side of the steer right now, but are you going to go to a meeting today and if so, when are you going to go to a meeting today?" Then he can tell me to back up or he'll just answer. Lastly, being kind is a big one for us because we both have a tendency to be mean. :/