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Old 04-21-2014, 05:02 AM
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Unhappy Depressed

Brand new to this site but I am struggling. I am 55 days clean and sober. Last night I had a lot of suicidal thoughts again which bothers me because I only thought like when completely wasted out of my mind. Now that I'm sober, I guess I thought that would end? Being sober is much harder than I thought. I feel abandoned by everyone. The first month everyone was concerned because I was in the hospital, now it’s like I don't exist again. I can't help but feel worthless, depressed, suicidal, and that being at the bottom of a bottle is better than feeling abandoned. I have 2 wonderful teenage boys that I would never leave on purpose, but I just feel lost. Does this ever get better? Yes I have a sponsor & go to meetings.
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Old 04-21-2014, 05:08 AM
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I think it takes time. We still have whatever problems in our lives or emotional difficulties that where there before we stopped drinking. I think that all the booze messes up our brain chemicals too, so it can take time for all that to settle down. It seems to take about 3 months to start feeling more ok. At 55 days, yeah, you probably feel crap. You're probably going through a lot of grief and depression but I believe i can safely say it will pass. You won't be stuck in these uncomfortable feelings forever. You will feel better in time. Take good care of yourself.
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Old 04-21-2014, 05:09 AM
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It could be a chemical thing, especially with the quitting of alcohol. Why not go see your doctor and discuss maybe an anti-depressant . I know it really helped one of my friends. You don't have to stay on them forever and it might help for a few months while your body,brain and life are adjusting to your new reality . It's worth considering at least.
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Old 04-21-2014, 05:10 AM
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I think if you feel suicidal you need to involve a doctor or a counselor, Thankful - or at the very least a crisis line.

There are some crisis line links in here - and some useful reading too. Please do look through them:

http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/...ease-read.html

A little depression is normal for some of us when we quit - but, based on your post, this seems a little more than that?

I hope you will reach out and find some help.

It really will get better

D
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Old 04-21-2014, 05:11 AM
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Congratulations on 55 days! I think you are absolutely at the worst part of early sobriety. I am about 6.5 months sober and it wasn't until about 4 months of sobriety, that I actually felt confident and serene in my sobriety. I honestly feel better now that I have my whole life, so hang on because you won't believe how much better you will feel. I have three teenage sons, too. They are loud, eat a lot, can be totally obnoxious and are self-centered a lot of the time. But they are my precious babies and they are much more vulnerable than they want us to think they are, so you are giving them the biggest gift by working on becoming your best self. My eldest leaves for college for the fall and I am so grateful to be sending him off soberly and wisely, with no regrets.

Join your sobriety month thread, you won't feel lonely with their support. Take good care. You are not alone, momma.
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Old 04-21-2014, 05:13 AM
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Originally Posted by Thankful4God View Post
Does this ever get better? Yes I have a sponsor & go to meetings.
Yes, it gets better. The darkness is on you right now, but hold on. Even if you're feeling so awful and you want it all to end, hold on to the thought that sooner or later it WILL subside. Pain is TEMPORARY. You never know when the shadow will lift and the world becomes brighter again. Get to a safe place and wait out the storm.

We're all with you. And well done on the 55 days, when this darkness passes you will be stronger for it.
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Old 04-21-2014, 05:16 AM
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Hi Thankful,
I've got 245 days sober now and I'll say that for me sobriety has been an emotional roller coaster. I have a hard time coping with some things, mostly uncertainty, you know, things that I can't control. I have dark moments in which I have thought of suicide. I fully realize I'm too chicken to follow through, but the thoughts come. I also have times when I get myself so worked up about things I can't control, that all I think about is picking up and drinking for some temporary relief.

When I think of picking up, I have to rationally think it through. Think of what the results and aftermath of drinking again would be. That's been enough to scare me away from drinking.

I intend to stay sober for the rest of my life and most of the time I remain hopeful and optimistic about the future. I had a period of 8.5 years sober prior to my latest one year relapse and those were great years in which I was very happy. I expect I'll be back to that place again.

Coming here to SR, which I just joined a couple of days ago, is a big help to me. Reading about others experiencing the same issues and all is calming. I also attend 5 or more AA meetings a week and have made great friends in AA, including my sponsor. They are a great support team.

Keep the chin up!
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Old 04-23-2014, 07:23 AM
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Thank you all for your comments. I saw my therapist yesterday and spent time with extended family last night. I do take an anti-depressant and have for years. Although I have found out that while I was drinking 1.75 lt of Capt'n every 2 days my meds weren't working. I was taken off my anti-anxiety meds because the dose I was on apparently is dangerous and causes one to crave alcohol anyway. Who would have thought! My therapist said we do need to address my anxiety because it was turning me into an agoraphobic person. I thought I was just shy. At 44 I have found I need to learn a lot about myself. I have struggled with relationships since my divorce in 2008 (shocker!) and usually only dated men associated with bars. So I'm alone with myself more now than ever. That is why I feel so lost. But I know this is best for me. In my line of work and in public, you would never know I had all of these issues. I did a GREAT job of hiding how I really felt because I felt like I was the only one. I'm thankful to have found this site and am looking forward to being sober for the rest of my life as well. Again - thank you all SO much for commenting! It really means a lot to know people care who truly understand how I feel!!!!
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Old 04-23-2014, 07:56 AM
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I've added a pic of the tattoo I got as a 30-day sobriety gift to myself. Its on my forearm to remind myself to JUST CALM DOWN! And the infinity symbol and cross represent God's never ending love for me.

I can do this!!!
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Old 04-23-2014, 08:05 AM
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Welcome to the SR family. Yes, it does get better but we often need outside help, such as counseling. (I see a counselor myself)

Congrats on 55 days sober!
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Old 04-23-2014, 08:35 AM
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im about the same time more or less of being sober, i also have those feelings, very down, simply lost. im hoping things get better like everyone says. I am thankful for this site and for everyone here that posts encouraging messages.
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Old 04-23-2014, 08:41 AM
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Thankful, you mentioned that you take an anti depressant. One of the more dangerous side effects of this class of medications is suicidal thoughts. Please discuss this with the doctor who prescribed them. You may have been put on the wrong one.
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Old 04-23-2014, 03:59 PM
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I'm having these same exact feelings of lost and just alone. I am dying to get rid of them it's really making me more and more sad every day.
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Old 04-23-2014, 04:23 PM
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Just remember Thankful and Solitary there are people here that care about you so you are not alone.
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