Gracey

Tuesday…….WOW, what a night……..I spent the whole evening and most of the night reading “Co-dependent No More� by Melody Beattie……..What a great book………I am learning new things everyday about myself……..I know that my husband is very upset that I am reading these books…….quote…..�why are you reading that garbage????? I haven’t drank in over two months…….I looked at him and said you don’t get it do you, this isn’t about you anymore, this is about me, and about healing myself and making me better…….I happen to be really enjoying this book…….I had a very hard time putting it down……..around 11:00pm I knew that I had to work so I put the book down and was ready to go to sleep, I was all snuggled in my nice warm cotton blanket, when he decide to come up stairs and sit in the chair next to the bed……My six year old was in my bed she fell asleep to a Clifford book……..My husband always waits till I am nice and comfy and ready to actually fall asleep……and he asks for sex……….I told him no not tonight, I told him that I am exhausted, I told him that I love him very much but I needed to get some sleep for work…..he wasn’t accepting no for an answer………I said this is the first time I have said no in three months……..please don’t take this personal…….it has nothing to do with you I am tired tonight…………he says you are just going to lay there and go to sleep knowing how I am feeling………I said honey please I am tired, I would have had to force myself into doing something that I didn’t want to do………I decided I am not going to force myself to do something I don’t want to do anymore…..he started to get mad and call me names (oh that helps I really want to now)……He kept saying I shouldn’t have to beg you for something that is natural……..I said honey I don’t want you to have to do that either….so please understand that has nothing to do with you (I didn’t shower or brush my teeth yet) I just felt gross…..I had showered in the morning before work of course, but that was 17 hours prior ewwhhhhhhhhhhh…..and honestly I didn’t want to go take one that night before I went to bed…..I was just simply tired……..It became a game to him……he tried to manipulate me into giving him what he wanted, and didn’t give one little bit about what I wanted……..he said he was going to keep me up all night until I gave him what he wanted…..he started taking his hand and shaking me when I would start to relax……he called me every name in the book……..45 minutes later he finally left me alone…….I did not react to all of his accusations, I did not react or give in to his manipulation……I ended up calling into work the next day……mostly due to it was my daughters 15 birthday………..I felt like I really needed to talk to someone and I felt like I couldn’t talk to my mom or my sisters…..I tried to go on line at home, but there is something wrong with my computer………and I couldn’t get on line………so I went to the yellow pages and there it was and Al-non phone number………I talked to some strange man and he knew me, he knew everything I was thinking and feeling and he helped me to help myself…so by the time my husband came home I was okay……….I had to leave for baseball practice and when I came home my husband was busy on the computer…..trying to fix it…..I was getting ready to take my nightly shower, my six year old was with me and yes going to take a shower toooooooo….I was bending over touching the water and all of a sudden the door popped open and it startled me….I was half dressed and I wasn’t sure if it was my son…..I jumped a little, and he says to me oh don’t you worry, I don’t want that…….. In fact I never want to see that again……you may have won lastnight, but I am winning the war…..I just said okay honey……after showering I went to the living room to read the rest of my book………he came into the living room and said to me I just want to know something……..I said what……..Is this where you are going to remain the rest of the evening……..I said no, I am going to come to bed I just want to finish the rest of my book, I am almost done…….I really like it. He of course had a problem with that…….so I compromised with him and said fine I will be up in 10 minutes, I will just read the rest of this chapter…….so he went along his marry way……..he came downstairs ten minutes later, so I hurried up and stopped what I was enjoying to go to bed like I compromised…My six year old went to bed with him………..so when I went up there she was sleeping……..and the first thing he says to me……….are you go give me some or are you going to be an ******* again tonight???? I reminded him about what he said in the bathroom, and I said to him I am scared to be honest with you because of how you reacted lastnight……….but I was honest anyway…..he said you know what f**k you……..I still have an hour and a half I am going to get wasted and if you think I am bad now you wait till after I have a few………and when I come back and if I come back……….I will definetly will have some of what I wanted…….I let him continue to do what he wanted, at one point I told him that if he didn’t decide to calm down and go to bed he was going to be exhausted for work………when he realized that I wasn’t going to react and I wasn’t going to stop him from leaving, he even got more mad……he ripped his hat off and through it at me (very hard) he hit my daughter……who was still sleeping by miracle……and then he came over to me and picked me up and through me on the floor………my arm instantly bruised………..today it looks better because the swelling has gone down……….five minutes later he came to me on hands and knee’s crying and repeating his apologies……..telling me I need help, I need some medication………….telling me to please leave him that I deserve better then himmmmmmmm……….begging me to help him………I told him I cant help him he has to help himself………I suggested that he might go to AA meeting and he asked me if I would go with him………I said that I would……….I told him that I would go to Al-non………We have counseling today……………I told him that I am going to continue to work on myself and I am going to get happy, and that I do deserve better then this………..I don’t feel sorry for him, I hate him……….I want him to move out and let me keep my house………….I don’t want to have to change my kids lives around so much………I deserve to be able to stay in my home…….I don’t need his help, I can take care of my self…………….

Lorelai

breec -
There are many people on these boards that are much wiser than me but all I can say is - Get the hell out of there.

He threw you on the floor, he hit your daughter. You and your kids are not safe. Go somewhere safe. You can work on yourself from any location.

Don't wait until it is too late. You are being physically abused. That should not be tolerated by anybody.
Please write again and let me know you're OK.
L

amarie

Bree, I agree with Lorelai--You need to get out now before it get's any worse. If he's throwing you around now, the next time he might be punching. You need to go someplace safe with your daughter. He's losing control and eventually he is going to really snap. And who is he to demand sex?? You shouldn't be forced into doing something you don't want to do. That is also called rape. Even though you are married, if he forces himself on you, he is raping you. Please seek help and get out of there. Nobody deserves this kind of treatment.

Gracey

I am okay I am at work........unlike my husband.........who had to call in today.....

Yes, he hurt me physically, I am bruised today......but something came over me lastnight........I looked at him, like I have never looked at anyone before......he was this scared, pathetic, little boy, begging and pleading for something or someone to help him..........I told him I cant.......he agreed to leave.........my home.........I wanted to go sleep on the couch, but I was too scared toooo.......I went to bed and bree was still sleeping (amazing) in the middle, next thing I know he moves bree over to the other side of the bed and he sleeps in the middle............and do you know what he says to me......lets have sex, I will get you pregnant............... :uzi2: I just thought in my head you sick little puppy...........I just said I dont want anymore kids..........and no!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

At counseling tonight, I am going to remind him of his suggestion to leave our home.....I feel safe there...........I dont have one place at home where I feel safe..........I want to suggest to him he meet me up there tonight.......so I can drive my self home, but he will still have to go there to get his work clothes...........

I want to have the courage to follow through..............I am going to pray for that on my way to the counselor's office.........

Lorelai

(((breec3)))
Even if you have to leave your house to keep you and your kids safe right now, that doesn't mean that you can't get your house back later. I hope that you go someplace where you will be safe and work on it from there.

It is not OK for him to throw you on the floor and bruise your arm - no matter what he says afterward. You are right - he is sick.
L

Gabe

Breec,
First of all, what I am about to say, I say with love and concern.
It is an abuser's pattern to abuse and then become remorseful. That is why so many of the abused stay with their abusers. They think the remorse is sincere and that "it won't happen again". But it does.
I don't care how much you love him, this man was physically violent with you and your daughter and you should not tolerate that.
Physically violent alcoholics are dangerous, period.
Please think of your safety and the safety of your child.
Concerned hugs,
Gabe

sturpin

Breec3,
Yes, they are the most pathetic after one of their tirades. It took me to wake up after he came after me with a loaded shotgun....He was the type "If I cant have you nobody can" and he would have killed me....this I dont doubt...I went to my daughters house (he didnt know where she lived, as she had just moved in with her b/f) he called me the next morning on my cell phone all sickly sweet wanting to know where I was and why I didnt come home....now this is the same guy who would raise T total hell if I spoke to a strange man in a restaurant (who is HE, you have something going on with him etc...) I told him I didnt come home due to the fact he came after me with a gun, which he vehemently denied...NOW DUH...I might have been born at night but it wasnt last night....
PLEASE find a safe place for now if not for you, do it for you innocent daughter, he WILL not change, he is NOT sorry...if you dont do anything remember its up to you to protect your baby, she doesnt deserve to see this kind of lifestyle.
My thoughts and Prayers are with you....
Sue

PS...please dont take offense to this...its not my intent, I just want you to realize the danger you are in....I am in no ways judging you or trying to tell you how to run your life....Hugs!! YOU are important and YOU are worth the world to your daughter and other people who love you, dont forget that!!

Nightowl

you should not be afraid of physical harm in your own home. and his emotional abuse is intolerable. how many games does this man want to play....he's trying to control and torment you wtih sex. It is very sick.

huge hugs.......you are stronger than you think you are sweetie. be kind to yourself. look after yourself.

Gracey

I am trying really hard to go the bottom of that barrell and pull something out good......but there seems to be a hole in it......

jojo

Breec -

Physical violance almost always escalates. He threw you down on the floor this time, what will it be next time? He did that to you with your young child in the room. He threatened to rape you if you didn't give in. I would be willing to bet that he is much stronger than you are. What chance will you have if he really loses it? Chances are that is exactly what will happen. His apology was only given so that he could get what he wants. You say you hate him. You say you don't feel safe around him. What are you waiting for? The next time could be a trip to the hospital - or worse. Next time your child could also be hurt. You need to be concerned about yourself and your child and not what he needs. I left the first time my husband was abusive because MY FEAR FOR WHAT WOULD BECOME OF HIM IF I LEFT WAS OVERRIDDEN BY MY FEAR FOR WHAT WOULD BECOME OF ME IF I STAYED. Think about that Breec.

Another thing to think about - if he is abusive or threatening abuse you can call 911 and the cops will take him where he belongs and give you some time to figure out what you want to do. If he is arrested you can get a no contact order where he can't contact you in any way. If he does, the cops will pick him up again and put him back in jail.

Please take care of yourself and your daughter.

Hugs, Jo

Alexia

Jo is right. All you have to do is tell 911 you do not feel safe and he will be gone. You do not have to leave your house, have him removed. I have not personally had physical abuse, but I've known others who have. I have not seen one instance where the abuser, who is always sorry after, has stopped the abuse.
Take care of yourself, we are worried about you.
Alexia

Gracey

I dont want to go home after work today......I dont want to see him....I dont want to hug him........I will be again doing this because he needs comfort......but I am not being comforted..........after our marriage counseling tonight, I immediatley have to go to my sons scrimmage.....

for the last couple of years I have been trying to keep my self so busy with everyone elses schedule I dont have time to think too much.....but it was just another thing I was doing for everyone else........I never do anything for me.......my escape has been my kids........my kids have kept me sane..........and leveled and resonsible......He has never once hurt my kids physically, he knows that I would do anything for my kids.....I would call the police........

Lorelai

Does your marriage counselor know that he hurts you physically?

Gracey

I am going to tell him and show him my bruise tonight..........in front of my AH......I am also going to tell him that this is not the first time......

Lorelai

Good. You take care of yourself, breec. That is number one. Everything else is secondary. You stay safe.
Good luck tonight and let me know how it goes.
Huge hugs - L

Gracey

I will and thank you everyone for listening to me, letting me vent and understanding....