LoveMeNow

My husband is addicted to pain pills. He has supposedly worked on his recovery for the last 2 years. I say supposedly because he never stayed clean for extended periods of time, although daily meetings, sponsor, therapy, etc, etc.

But he had never really surrendered. Drinking was never a big problem for him, so he fought the idea of never drinking again. Alcohol is a drug, the brain of an addict doesn't care what releases the dopamine, it just wants more!! I knew it would become a problem at some point and it appears as of late...that it has.

I was willing to support his recovery efforts until the drinking started. Then I could no longer see any efforts. When he threw in the towel, I did too.

The pills were hard to detect. It was very insidious. However, for him, the drinking was very noticeable and I hated it. I hated it enough to finally end my marriage. We have been separated for almost 2 months with some backsliding on my part.

Addiction is addiction. If left untreated, it will progress. But the alcohol pushed me over the edge far quicker then the pills. I often wonder if it was just the progression or the alcohol and I truly think it was both.

I hate to be around anyone who is drunk. But it still amazes me that it was the alcohol that was my final straw though. Somehow, I find myself wishing it was alcohol the whole time, so I would have left sooner. At least I think I would have because I really have no tolerance for being around a drunk person. He wasn't violent or mean. I didn't give him the opportunity to be because I refused to engage with him if he was drinking. But I always engaged even if I suspected he had relapsed from pills.

Logic tells me they are same thing, but my actions spoke very differently. It just seems so strange that I had different boundaries, a different mindset, and different behaviors - simply for a different DOC.

Any thoughts are welcomed.

Mango blast

I've been a really good codie in the past. I'd adapt to the slow changes in our lives without realizing they were going on. When my husband went to rehab and then stayed sober for another couple months, it gave me the break from what I was so used to. Starting fresh with his recent relapse and it's the same ol' world, but I have a completely new viewpoint of it.

Could it be the same with the drugs and alcohol for you? Used to the drugs so the viewpoint of that wasn't as effected or just more blurred, but the alcohol symptoms being foreign territory so it was easier to see?

Are you working a recovery program for yourself? ((hugs))

LoveMeNow

Yes, I have been seeing a therapist for a while, took a 12 week class on codependency for Christians and have attended Alanon, but not faithfully. I have read a lot here and read other suggested materials.

Interesting perspective ktf. Thank you.

Happy Easter!

LoveMeNow

For some reason, I made more excuses for the pain pills because it started out with a legal prescription. But with the alcohol? No way. Maybe it's because the changes are too visible.

BoxinRotz

My ex husband is a pill popper. I stuck with him for waaaaay to long. To the point where it damaged my relationship with my daughter. She felt that I should have stayed and he did too but his constant cat and mouse of him wanting me to hide them while he went behind me tearing our home apart looking for them, harassing me for them, shutting off the affection towards me because of them, selling them, stealing for them, pawning our children's game consols, my dad's tools, his wedding band... I had had it! And then I met AH who was "sober" for 20 years. LMFAO... WAAAAAAAY WORSE than anything I'd ever dealt with regarding the ex husband! Like, it broke my soul a time or two in the last 3 years. I'm going to come out of this with one thing and one thing only and that is, once it's over, if he goes first, there will never be another man in my life that will lie to me about his well being. NO F***ING WAY!!! Will not happen!!!

BoxinRotz

Ex's mommy took my place. I was over there the other day and he was telling me how he found his pills at his Mom's house. I said, You tore it apart didn't you? And he said, Yeah I did! It took me 3 hours to find them! He went through that woman's under ware drawer! He does not care what or who it is... he would steam roll you for a pill if he knew you had them.

LoveMeNow

For me, the pill relapses were hard to detect for a little while. It would take some time before the "insanity" to come. Eventually, his own self loathing would inevitably be projected on me. But the drinking was another story. He usually just came home and fell asleep. Yet, his presence while drinking - without saying a word, made my skin crawl.

I think it was just the visible signs of how sick he was and how his addiction was progressing. It became obvious he was not taking his recovery serious anymore. Sadly, seeing him drunk really made me lose even more respect for him too.

readerbaby71

My ex husband was a pothead. I see that now. I don't really mind marijuana use if it's in moderation just like anything else, but now I can see how much he was numbing his feelings with it. That was acceptable to me at the time. It wouldn't be now. I drank A LOT back then so I had no business throwing stones anyway.

HUGS to you. You're doing an amazing job with your recovery. xo