Faith444

Hey,
Last time I wrote here, a week and a half ago, I was asking for support to NOT contact my ex-ABF. People wrote some very nice things! All the same, I slept with him again within 24 hours.

And now I'm involved again. I proposed an arrangement where if he's not drinking, I'll see him once or twice a week.

I know that many of you have tried allll these different kind of attempts to create a life with the person you can't live with because of alcohol.

Initially, when I left, this was my plan.

I feel PRETTY GOOD about it! I feel much better. I feel fine when I'm away from him. We talked through his feelings toward his ex, including love and guilt. I talked to the ex, and don't feel bad towards her anymore either. She's in Boston, and I don't think they are the ideal match, so I'm not worried.

Some of you on here are a little hateful, so please, keep your venom to yourself. I already have everyone in my life judging me.

I love my ABF like a wife to a husband. I don't love anyone else, I don't want to, and therefore, I can't.

Basically, taking things day by day now. But the incredible horrible vast emptiness and loneliness went away. For now.

I have a feeling my ABF won't even be able to keep up the "Friday visits," after a while... He won't stay sober. That's probably what will happen.

For now, I'm ok and happy just having him in my life. And if any of you wants to wish their bitterness on me, go right ahead! I'll never be happy anyway. I've been sad since i was a kid. Loving someone who dies... Well then, that's gotta be. I accept.

Unless if I change my mind, then I'll move on. But every decision we make has to be REAL.... no bluffing. This is where I'm at, and it feels somewhat peaceful.

Very happy to be living alone. That is all... peace and love.

biminiblue

ok, good luck

Sungrl

Please seek some counseling. Your decisions are your own, but I feel bad for you. That is a terrible heart breaking attitude to have. Your life is worth so much more. You are worth more. Please consider that.

lillamy

No judgment, no hatefulness, no bitterness.

Your life is yours, your decisions are yours. But I understand your defensiveness. I cut a lot of people out of my life when they insisted I needed to leave my husband. It wasn't their decision to make. Doesn't matter if they were right or wrong -- it was my decision. And one I would make when I was ready to. I made the decision to stay for 19 years after the first time I thought about leaving. When I decided to leave, I had no regrets.

We all have our own path to travel. I hope you find peace on yours.

Big hugs to you.

firebolt

This place made me feel somewhat defensive when I first got here also. It was very hard to see my part in my problems, when it was so clear to me that HE was all of my problem lol. When the people here get you up in arms, many, many times it's because they've been exactly where you have been. Try to remember that.

We all have triggers, we all project our experiences onto others that might walk down a painful path we've been down. We're human, but there is SO MUCH you can learn here about taking care of yourself - whether you stay with him or not. Don't forget, many of us are still with or married to alcoholics of ALL degrees.

Addiction is a living nightmare, weather your addicted to substances, or addicted to a substance abuser. Every one of us in here is in that together, whether we've clawed our way out of the nightmare, are working on doing that, or are just in the waiting place to see how it all plays out. Take care of yourself - we're always here if you need us.

Recovering2

If you're happy, then you're happy. I think the "temporary" in your post title says it all. Wishing you all the best.

dandylion

Best of luck.

itsmylifenow

It is your life, no doubt about it. And, I believe the people here have BTDT and if some come across as harsh - it is their way of offering a slap in the face. Sometimes, well, we need that I know I've been slapped here a few times...and, I've known I needed it when I couldn't see past the emotions that were making me continue to do the same crap over and over.

You are having a moment of peace now. That's good.

We are always...ALWAYS...here...when and if you need to vent or find someone to talk to.

Good luck.

Stung

I bet most of the people you know actually are not judging you. Most people you know probably just don't consider your choice in partner any of their business because they have their own lives to consume their time and thoughts. It's a new concept that I'm learning that just because I judge everyone does not mean that everyone judges me.

I'm glad that you're at peace with your choices. Doesn't sound like you're trying to change him or are dating his potential but like you are very aware that you're dating an alcoholic. More power to you if that works for you.

Seren

As others have said....this is your life and your decision. If this is what you want, you are an adult of free will and capable of making your own decisions about your life.

It seems there is a real disconnect here. This is what makes me very sad for you. You deserve real happiness and peace and joy! These things all come from within--not from external people, places, or things. Wishing you very bright days ahead, Faith.

jacrazz

(((hugs)))

love4menotu

I'm in a similar situation. Not sure I'm handling it very well, but I just take my emotional temperature every day and ask myself if I want to do this TODAY.

So far I've chosen to be by his side.

Will I enable his drinking in any way? Nope. Not gonna make it easier for him to drink.


Alanon is very helpful. Detaching with love is where you've got to aim, and it sounds like TODAY you are fine.

Best to you,

L

love4menotu

I'm sorry I really wanted to edit my post.. but I need to add...

My boyfriend is working on his sobriety. He falls but he gets back up. He has not stopped trying to get well. If he did? I'd be gone.

L