coastalgirl

Hi everyone,

I'm a 23-year-old soon to be college grad who recently admitted to myself that I had problems with alcohol. Not sure which route I should take or what's right for me. How do I start? I do not at all know whether I need AA or to talk to my doctor first. I do not know what is best for me.

To give you some perspective...

My father is a recovering alcoholic and has not had a drink in several years. I think that my maternal grandmother is one as well, but I do not see her much at all or hear from her much so I can't confirm this easily.

I had my first drink when I was 16. I went to Ecuador with my family and one night out to dinner I ordered a pina colada... And then I ordered another one; to be honest, I couldn't tell you exactly why but I remember having a mindset of "why the *** not" at the time. I hadn't truly drank before, I was with my family, and it was what I perceived to be a fun fruity drink--And BOY oh BOY! To have alcohol for the first time!, I thought to myself. Now, after these two pina coladas, I don't remember "feeling much", as thin and as not used to alcohol as I was. But I did feel something. Needless to say, for the rest of my time in Ecuador, I had a drink almost every other day, I'd say.

For the rest of high school, I didn't drink too much honestly. I never felt like after Ecuador that I really needed to do it. It never crossed my mind. College was when things really started becoming questionable. I had a breakup with my boyfriend of about 3 years in the middle of my freshman year. It really made me feel alone and vulnerable, not being with him (at the time, I thought he provided me with a lot of security and solidity; I don't see it that way now). I began again with that same "ohhhh what the ****" attitude that I had in Ecuador -- I justified my drinking, sometimes subconsciously -- after my breakup, I thought to myself "hey, what else do I have going for me except for more college years ahead? I'm partying tonight." And by "partying" I mean usually I attended small get-togethers and only several PARTY parties. Over the course of the next year I managed to score a few drinks at bars before I was 21, had no freaking CLUE as to what my limit was (I didn't care), and simply "lived it up." There were many drunken mistakes that I still strongly wish I could undo...BEYOND freshman year. Which leads me to say that my drinking continued even when I got into another relationship (with the wonderful man I'm now married to) where I became best friends with wine, liquor, and the opportunities in which I could have those things. When my drinking was questioned by my husband (and family) during these next few college years, I brushed it off... But I DID puke, I DID deny that I had an issue with alcohol, I DID sneak alcohol and disappear at events to consume more, I DID make a lot of mistakes...

My drink of preference is wine. It is/was my go-to. Sometimes I watch my friends on Instagram or Twitter post about their seemingly unwavering affinity for wine and I ask myself "don't they alcohol problems too then?? Look how they're talking about how much they want their 'big glass of wine' tonight!" I hate it. It's a constant battle.

To tell you the truth, I have not had a drink since the night before my birthday - March 29th of this year. My husband and I were coming back from a wedding where I had pushed it too far. He was done with it. I was done with it. From that moment, we agreed that I would likely have nothing else, not another drink, until we get things straightened out. I admitted that I had a problem, and I know I do. And even as I write this, I sit thinking about how I have a very low-key rest of the week ahead and that a glass or two (or three) of wine would be perfect right about now.

And so here I am.

LBrain

Welcome coastalgirl
you'll get plenty of support here. Are you ready to quit for good?

Anna

Welcome, and I'm glad that you decided to stop drinking. You've made a good choice!

As far as what route to take, I think if you look around here you will see that we have many different ways of stopping drinking and recovery. I think that motivation is more important than the method you choose.

Thepatman

Welcome to SR

Realizing this at your age will save you a lot of grief. 20 years that is in my case.

There are many options out there, AA, Rational recovery (AVRT), smart recovery groups.

There are also some with good sobriety under their belt that only needed SR.

Depends and everyone is different in their level of support requirements.

Glad you found us

coastalgirl

Here's my thing... I am and am not ready to quit for good. I want to be able to one day sit on the couch reading a novel with some wine nearby, my future kids in bed and my husband on his laptop. I WANT to be able to go to weddings and toast with champagne. You know? I hate who I am often with alcohol as well as what it's done to me, but at the same time I really want it and keep hoping I'll get better. I don't want to be who my dad is now, who can't have a drink no matter what--no matter what event or function.

SoberLeigh

Welcome, coastalgirl; glad you found us. This is a great site for information, support and encouragement.

Wine was my poison of choice, also; the good news is that it is possible to leave it behind.

Again, welcome.

LBrain

May I suggest discussing this with your father?

biminiblue

Welcome, I hope you get this sorted out before it's too late. People who are problem drinkers don't usually gain moderation.

SoberLeigh

At first, I found the thought of never drinking again rather daunting but, as time went on and I became comfortable in my sobriety, those daunting thoughts faded and faded. Now, what I fear most is losing sobriety; I actually sometimes have nightmares about it.

coastalgirl

Thanks for that suggestion. That's something a little scary for me to think about. I don't want him to feel upset that I have to deal with this now. And I have trouble opening up to him a lot because I know that almost 100% of what I say he'll tell my stepmother who I've never really been close with. It's something to consider, so I'll keep that in mind. I might be talking to him about it sooner than I even think...

Anna

What I know for sure Coastalgirl, is that stopping drinking and recovering is hard and it takes a great deal of commitment and motivation. If as you say, you are ready and not ready to stop drinking, it's going to be a really tough road. The other issue is that alcoholism is progressive and it will continue to worsen, unless you stop drinking.

I hope that you decide to commit to sobriety.

coastalgirl

Okay. So, as you guys know, I'm new to sharing these thoughts to people other than my husband so forgive any questions that may be no-brainers to some people.
What actually makes someone an alcoholic? I know I have a problem with drinking, but is it alcoholism? I guess I've never been truly clear on that.

Also, wow. Thank you guys a lot for your support already. I've been on here for what - like an hour? It really means a lot.

Eddiebuckle

I can relate - when I was 23 I associated alcohol with celebration, camaraderie, sophistication, satisfaction, and peace of mind. The fact that the longer I kept drinking the further my drinking took me from anything remotely like those ideals did not dissuade me from clinging to that delusion. It took me to an afternoon twenty years later where the reality of who I had become made suicide seem attractive. Then and only then was I willing to give up the delusion that I could ever attain those things through alcohol.

The good news is that I prefer the me today over the me who kept trying to become someone or something else through escape. I don't drink no matter what -- no matter what event or function, because any function that would make me feel the need to escape it through oblivion is one I can do without.

FeelingGreat

Hi Coastal, lots of us who have got to the point of regularly drinking too much have wondered whether we're alcoholics, especially if we're not at the living rough, bottle of spirits a night stage. I drank a bottle of wine a night, and I'll give you my personal reasons for thinking I am an alcoholic:

- I tried many times to moderate my drinking, and ever succeeded for a while, but I always came back, and usually drank more than ever.
- I was unhappy with how much I drank, but couldn't stop myself.
- I stopped going to evening events because they didn't involve alcohol
- When sharing a bottle I drank 3/4 of it, or wanted to
- Drinking with others, I would sneak a bit more on the side
- I woke up in the morning filled with self-reproach and promising I'd do better

Once it was obvious I couldn't stop, and I was slowly getting worse then I could face the fact that I had to stop forever. It's a hard decision, but much easier than desperately trying to control my drinking. I can relax now, and I'm free of worries about my health and reputation. I love waking up in the morning with a happy conscience and no hangover.

coastalgirl

Thanks, Eddie. Your words really hit home, especially the last few. Really. Thank you.
Also, please wave hello to my dear Tate Street in Greensboro for me, by the way!

coastalgirl

My gosh... All of those things you listed. They sound all too "familiar" to me. I don't think there's one that I could not apply to myself.

I have so many reasons to stop now, but it just feels...weird to make that commitment. It doesn't seem real. However my life, the people in it, and my future are too precious to me. You would think that'd be enough for me to want to stop wanting the alcohol... I guess there's the problem then. It's that hard.

Also, I hope your fellow Perth folks aren't too stressed out with all the search stuff going on. Good vibes your way!

toddle118

Hi, what i can tell you is what others have said, no one wakes up and realises they are an alcoholic, its progressive, yes the thought of not drinking is horrid but the consequences of drinking are far worse, i wish you luck

sugarbear1

my alcoholism is not being able to live without drinking.....including not seeing myself totally sober the rest of my life.....

I needed to change, but what?

me.

rational recovery
avrt
smart
life ring
sos
women for sobriety
aa

all of these have their own websites.

for me, I just don't choose to drink today. one drink seems to bring on daily drinking for me. one isn't enough, ever.

I'll choose not to drink, just for today. maybe you can find something that helps you to stay stopped today, too. (and helps you realize that one is never enough)

Rickh54

If I may CGirl, I would like to add a couple of points.
IMO, you know you have a problem with alcohol, or you wouldn't be here. Thats a great start in making a change.
Everyone on this site has a problem that they need to solve. Some woke up this morning with a wicked hangover and said enough is enough. Others have been sober for decades and still pop in here to share their stories. Thats what makes SR such a great source of support.
You are a young girl just starting out on your life journey with a husband, an education and little ones one day. What a great position to be in. Those were some great times for me.
My drinking started at around 14. Got so drunk one nite on Balboa in Newport Beach CA, I passed out on the sidewalk. A nite in the drunk tank didn't seem to scare me at that point.
I just turned 60 in March and I have been sober for 5 months. My drinking activity became more and more of a focus. Not how I want to spend the last years. Like you, most of us have plenty of love and good in our lives. We have realized that we will eventually lose it or die.
Not many other options. It only gets worse. Moderation is not an option for me that I do know.
The first few days of my sobriety, I cried often. Seems strange to react that way to new lease on life but I did. My wife would ask why, I told her I feel like I have lost my best friend. We grew up together. Shared good times and bad. Sometimes with other friends, more often lately just the two of us. Tough thing to turn your back on your best friend. As the days passed and turned into weeks, I understood that liquor was not and never will be a true friend. It was killing me. I have two little grandsons and I'll be damned if I won't be at the high school gym to watch them graduate. And with luck at their weddings.
Anyway CGirl, I ramble. My point is you have a long and happy and healthy life ahead of you.
If you truly believe that you have a control problem with booze at this point, make no mistake, it will only progress in severity.
Spend some time on this site, post, read, share things you can't even talk to your hubby about. We understand. We have seen your movie already. We can help.
Rick

Ruby2

Hi. The thoughts you have in your head of the future of putting the kids to bed and having a glass of wine. Of reading a novel with a glass of wine near your hand. All things I pictured. All romanticized visions of what normal drinking would mean to me. For me they were a dream that became a nightmare. As my drinking progressed I would be drunk before putting the kids to bed and then would continue drinking far into the night. I would pick up a book I had read while drunk and only vaguely remember it so it was like reading a new book...over and over again. I would pass out while watching my favorite television program so that I could watch the entire season in reruns and not truly remember any of the parts that I had seen before passing out.

I was super angry when I realized that I couldn't drink normally. It wasn't fair that my dreams were dashed. Why could other people raise a champagne toast and I couldn't? Why can other people go on vacation and have a margarita on the beach and i can't? I mourned that loss of what I pictured my life would be but that isn't the hand I was dealt. I have to learn to live with the reality my life has become and that is an alcohol free existence. My drinking started like your drinking. And it only got a lot worse. I will be fifty this year. My kids are five and eight and I am giving them the gift of a sober mommy to remember. Because having kids is far more stressful than one would ever imagine and if stress is a drinking trigger you may find yourself picking up the pace. I quit one day at a time. It isn't easy to see a whole future without alcohol but it is possible. Better to quit now while you are young instead of looking back over the span of thirty years and wonder what you have done.