Hi everybody
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Mar 2013
Posts: 10
Hi everybody
Hello.
I'm new to this and know I have a drinking problem. I think it might be deeper than that. I think I've been drinking to self medicate but a lot has changed the past couple months. I recently got married and my behavior when drunk is just "weird". I wouldn't say I do anything horrible, but just make an ass out of myself and i'm tired of it. I yelled at my wife the other day over nothing. I know I wouldn't have done that sober. Luckily, she forgives me, but I don't want it to happen again.
Also, I sent a weird email to my professor asking (very formally and it didn't even sound drunk) that asked if I could have a few minutes yesterday before her lecture to talk about some public health information that the university health center wanted me to spread notice about. She replied saying it was fine, but then I messaged her back saying "im really sorry, I was drunk when I wrote that". So embarrassing. Then last night I just didn't show up for class at all. I sent her another apology e-mail today for missing class and having sent a weird email. I told her I was having a lot of big life changes and needed some help which I was going to seek.
I feel like such a weirdo doing stuff like this. I feel like Im 28 now, been married a few months, and so it's time to grow up.
I'm just terribly embarrassed about the whole thing with my professor. I hope my apologizing and admitting I had a problem was the right thing to do. I could have just tried to pull it off as something else, but I'm tired of lying about my problem. I had a long talk with my wife and admitted that I have a problem. I feel like a huge weight has been lifted from my back. I've been a "socially acceptable" alcoholic for years, but now it's just getting too difficult. I can't justify it anymore.
I'm new to this and know I have a drinking problem. I think it might be deeper than that. I think I've been drinking to self medicate but a lot has changed the past couple months. I recently got married and my behavior when drunk is just "weird". I wouldn't say I do anything horrible, but just make an ass out of myself and i'm tired of it. I yelled at my wife the other day over nothing. I know I wouldn't have done that sober. Luckily, she forgives me, but I don't want it to happen again.
Also, I sent a weird email to my professor asking (very formally and it didn't even sound drunk) that asked if I could have a few minutes yesterday before her lecture to talk about some public health information that the university health center wanted me to spread notice about. She replied saying it was fine, but then I messaged her back saying "im really sorry, I was drunk when I wrote that". So embarrassing. Then last night I just didn't show up for class at all. I sent her another apology e-mail today for missing class and having sent a weird email. I told her I was having a lot of big life changes and needed some help which I was going to seek.
I feel like such a weirdo doing stuff like this. I feel like Im 28 now, been married a few months, and so it's time to grow up.
I'm just terribly embarrassed about the whole thing with my professor. I hope my apologizing and admitting I had a problem was the right thing to do. I could have just tried to pull it off as something else, but I'm tired of lying about my problem. I had a long talk with my wife and admitted that I have a problem. I feel like a huge weight has been lifted from my back. I've been a "socially acceptable" alcoholic for years, but now it's just getting too difficult. I can't justify it anymore.
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Join Date: Aug 2007
Location: Upstate New York
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Welcome duderwit. You found a great place to talk things over. Many never realize what alcohol is doing to their lives - it's good that you're aware.
Alcohol turned me into a very strange person. It was fun in the early years, but over time I became dependent on it. It took more & more to achieve the same effect. In the end I wasn't high or happy any more, just numb and foggy. I didn't heed the warnings the way you are - I kept going with it. My life was chaos. This never has to happen to you. I'm glad you're here for some support.
Alcohol turned me into a very strange person. It was fun in the early years, but over time I became dependent on it. It took more & more to achieve the same effect. In the end I wasn't high or happy any more, just numb and foggy. I didn't heed the warnings the way you are - I kept going with it. My life was chaos. This never has to happen to you. I'm glad you're here for some support.
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Mar 2013
Posts: 10
Thanks Heyvn. I feel like such a huge weight has been lifted. I explained to my wife that I think I have some issues. I've been rude to her sometimes when I'm drunk, and she's worried that it's something she's doing. I had to explain that I really believe I have a drinking problem. I don't drink everyday, but it seems that when I do - nothing good happens. It's basically self medicating and it needs to stop. Since then, I feel so much better. I don't think I'm a bad person, but I just get weird and rude when I'm drunk - and it's always through e-mail and texts when I'm alone. I think my demons just start popping out. I'm lucky though that my wife is so understanding and wants to support me. I'm a really lucky guy I think. I hope my professor understands after I explained that to her as well.
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Join Date: Apr 2014
Posts: 94
If you really want to know the "why" of self defeating behavior and being your own worst enemy- it's always that internal perception of external events. Albert Ellis is a way to start on the road to Rational "recovery" from "alcoholism". For me, all the possible negative outcomes of ingesting alcohol again outweigh any possible positives. Or any positive outcomes of drinking again. It's just as simple as that. Wait until you are retired like me, and have no plausible "reason" to drink anymore. Or you can do the cost benefit ratio of quitting and cleaning up your act.
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Mar 2013
Posts: 10
Thanks for the reply azbluesgal.
I'm serious about quitting this time. In the past, I always had the excuse of "I don't have anyone else to worry about." But now that I'm married, it's more than myself that I'm hurting. I'm excited that I'll never drink again. And look forward to the work ahead to fix everything.
I'm serious about quitting this time. In the past, I always had the excuse of "I don't have anyone else to worry about." But now that I'm married, it's more than myself that I'm hurting. I'm excited that I'll never drink again. And look forward to the work ahead to fix everything.
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Join Date: Dec 2012
Location: Toronto
Posts: 3,195
hi duder,
I certainly can relate. As my drinking progressed, my behaviour when drunk became more and more out of character. I went from happy-go-lucky drunk to increasingly erratic and belligerent. I sent emails and had phone conversations that I shouldn't have, started arguments with my gf over perceived slights, and became a person that no one wanted to be around. I actually got fired once for a drunken email I sent to my boss accusing him of being a poor manager. I still cringe over that and it was 8 years ago.
The self-medicating with booze option never brings anything positive and will just send you further into despair. I ruined a great career and many relationships before I got professional help. Do something now while the damage is minimal and you still have a marriage to save.
I certainly can relate. As my drinking progressed, my behaviour when drunk became more and more out of character. I went from happy-go-lucky drunk to increasingly erratic and belligerent. I sent emails and had phone conversations that I shouldn't have, started arguments with my gf over perceived slights, and became a person that no one wanted to be around. I actually got fired once for a drunken email I sent to my boss accusing him of being a poor manager. I still cringe over that and it was 8 years ago.
The self-medicating with booze option never brings anything positive and will just send you further into despair. I ruined a great career and many relationships before I got professional help. Do something now while the damage is minimal and you still have a marriage to save.
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Mar 2013
Posts: 10
Thanks, Wasting Life for sharing. I'm excited that I finally am admitting that I have a problem. It's amazing how much work it takes to hide that problem from the world. I hope my professor will understand and I can just move forward from this
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Mar 2013
Posts: 10
Hi everybody
It's been a while, but I'm back. I've been doing well for the past several months, but fell off my wagon on Wednesday night. I was having a stressful day, so decided to grab "a" beer on my way home from work. As we all know, that one beer turned into several more and I stay drunk for about 48 hours (missing 2 days of work, told them I was sick, which is true).
I woke up this morning with my angry wife crying. She wants me to find a therapist or someone to talk to. She thinks that my drinking is just covering up some deeper stuff. So, today I sat around the house shaking and twitching, trying to find a therapist in between throwing up and sending "I'm sorry" messages to people. All the therapists I found either didn't pick up their phones or just very rudely said "I don't have time for new patients" and hung up. Not a very encouraging way to get introduced to the profession at all.
As I sit here, my brain is 100% dead. But my question is - what caused the underlying problems - was it the alcohol or the mental problems?I can't decide if my drinking is covering up the mental problems or if my mental problems are covering up the drinking? It's kinda like that question - what came first - the chicken or the egg.
It's been a while, but I'm back. I've been doing well for the past several months, but fell off my wagon on Wednesday night. I was having a stressful day, so decided to grab "a" beer on my way home from work. As we all know, that one beer turned into several more and I stay drunk for about 48 hours (missing 2 days of work, told them I was sick, which is true).
I woke up this morning with my angry wife crying. She wants me to find a therapist or someone to talk to. She thinks that my drinking is just covering up some deeper stuff. So, today I sat around the house shaking and twitching, trying to find a therapist in between throwing up and sending "I'm sorry" messages to people. All the therapists I found either didn't pick up their phones or just very rudely said "I don't have time for new patients" and hung up. Not a very encouraging way to get introduced to the profession at all.
As I sit here, my brain is 100% dead. But my question is - what caused the underlying problems - was it the alcohol or the mental problems?I can't decide if my drinking is covering up the mental problems or if my mental problems are covering up the drinking? It's kinda like that question - what came first - the chicken or the egg.
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