My husband is drinking again
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Mar 2014
Posts: 95
My husband is drinking again
I don't know how he's doing it. I give him anabuse every morning. But he appeared drunk last nite after coming home from work. I gave him the breath machine and he blew .28. Is he not swallowing the pills? I'm at the point I just want to give up. I want to grind the anabuse pills and put them in his dinner. It sad but my youngest was the first to bust him. He's going to be 5yr old and said "daddy is acting funny again".
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Join Date: Feb 2012
Location: Wisconsin
Posts: 1,572
Alcoholics who want to continue to drink will find a way to do so, antabuse or no antabuse. The "how" and "why" of it really doesn't matter, and you will torture yourself trying to figure it out...only the fact of his drinking matters. I can absolutely promise you that if he wants to continue to drink, even if you were to grind up his pills and put them in his food, even if you were to give him an antabuse i.v., even if you were to stand over him watching his every move every minute of the day...he will find a way to drink. It's just what this disease does. Unless and until he experiences the shift within himself that will make him want to stop, he will continue to drink.
I am so very sorry that you and the children are going through this. In my experience, the most helpful, healthy thing to do is focus on yourself, and what you can do (other than trying to control someone else) to develop your own peace and serenity, and to help your children do the same.
I am so very sorry that you and the children are going through this. In my experience, the most helpful, healthy thing to do is focus on yourself, and what you can do (other than trying to control someone else) to develop your own peace and serenity, and to help your children do the same.
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Join Date: May 2010
Location: USA
Posts: 13,560
I am sorry. As I think alot of people on this board will say, recovery is much more mental than physical. Unless he is able to mentally want recovery so badly that he is willing to work on it every day...for the rest of his life....he won't recover. No matter what you do they will find a way around it if that is what they decide they want to do. Addicts are sneaky and can outsmart you to get their drug/alcohol of choice, every single time.
Antabuse is a great tool for someone who mentally wants to recover, not so much for someone who is only doing so to appease another. When I kicked out my XAH a month ago, he offered to take antabuse. My thought process was why was he not already taking it if he really wanted recovery? He was only saying that so I would let him come home. I did not.
I am so sorry that it is not the magic tool I know you so want it to be. I hope you get therapy and make steps to take care of you and your children.
Good Luck and God Bless!
Antabuse is a great tool for someone who mentally wants to recover, not so much for someone who is only doing so to appease another. When I kicked out my XAH a month ago, he offered to take antabuse. My thought process was why was he not already taking it if he really wanted recovery? He was only saying that so I would let him come home. I did not.
I am so sorry that it is not the magic tool I know you so want it to be. I hope you get therapy and make steps to take care of you and your children.
Good Luck and God Bless!
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Join Date: Nov 2012
Location: nh
Posts: 339
Sorry for your suffering maggies...i hope you can find a way out of this spider web. No pill or program or rehab will work until he is ready to work it. Take care of you and focus on your recovery because addiction is a family disease.
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Join Date: Oct 2006
Location: southern indiana
Posts: 2,145
maggies.....I am so deeply sorry that you must experience this.
as I sit here, I have a tremendous lump in my throat and tears in my eyes that sting so badly.
I have followed your posts, and it felt as if I was watching a rewind of my own hopes, plans, dreams, love, and vulnerability in my own situation with my XAH.
just keep sharing, maggies. we understand as no others can.
be kind to yourself today. it is not the end of the world because he has drank. this may feel like the end of the world, but it may truly be the beginning of your new promising future by accepting what this is really all about.
you will be in my thoughts.
as I sit here, I have a tremendous lump in my throat and tears in my eyes that sting so badly.
I have followed your posts, and it felt as if I was watching a rewind of my own hopes, plans, dreams, love, and vulnerability in my own situation with my XAH.
just keep sharing, maggies. we understand as no others can.
be kind to yourself today. it is not the end of the world because he has drank. this may feel like the end of the world, but it may truly be the beginning of your new promising future by accepting what this is really all about.
you will be in my thoughts.
Behold the power of NO
Join Date: Jan 2013
Location: WA
Posts: 7,764
Originally Posted by maggies 
I don't know how he's doing it. I give him anabuse every morning. But he appeared drunk last nite after coming home from work. I gave him the breath machine and he blew .28. Is he not swallowing the pills?
I have never taken antabuse and came to recovery on my own volition (I m single and live and drank alone) but to give you an insight in the alcoholic mind if I had a spouse making me take antabuse and I was in the midst of the insanity and wanted to drink this is what I would do:
I would drink a spoonful of oil so it would coat my stomach (to delay my body absorbing the drug) and give me that icky feeling. Then I would obediently pop the antabuse and look so sweet and willing then hit the bathroom. Fingers down the throat and voila!
Pill was not absorbed, my mate is pacified and off my back because he thinks I ll be sober and I am free to drink.
Scary stuff isn't it?
I would drink a spoonful of oil so it would coat my stomach (to delay my body absorbing the drug) and give me that icky feeling. Then I would obediently pop the antabuse and look so sweet and willing then hit the bathroom. Fingers down the throat and voila!
Pill was not absorbed, my mate is pacified and off my back because he thinks I ll be sober and I am free to drink.
Scary stuff isn't it?
Carlotta, my husband would never do that with the antabuse. For me it is a solution and I just don't understand why I have to work on myself. I'm sorry but I don't think my husband drinking situation is as bad as some of yours.
What are your plans for yourselfAntabuse like anything else can work but only if the person wants sobriety for themselves and are willing to do some work on themselves.
Stoic
Join Date: Nov 2012
Location: Wash D.C.
Posts: 321
An alcoholic's need to drink can almost be likened to someone's need to eat.
It's possible to go without eating for a decent amount of time and do alright with it...but the longer one does that, the more and more one thinks about food...until it's almost literally the only thing the person can think about.
It's a horrible, intrusive, insidious and debilitating burden to bear.
Honestly, the best thing you can do is to worry about you and your children...and let him live his own life, whatever road he decides to choose.
The only thing you can really do is give him a map and show him the different roads he can take...the choice will ultimately be up to him.
It's possible to go without eating for a decent amount of time and do alright with it...but the longer one does that, the more and more one thinks about food...until it's almost literally the only thing the person can think about.
It's a horrible, intrusive, insidious and debilitating burden to bear.
Honestly, the best thing you can do is to worry about you and your children...and let him live his own life, whatever road he decides to choose.
The only thing you can really do is give him a map and show him the different roads he can take...the choice will ultimately be up to him.
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Join Date: Sep 2013
Location: Iowa
Posts: 3,050
You mentioned on another thread that if he failed a breathalyzer he was out of the house. Is that consequence still on the table?
So sorry you're going through this. I know how hard it is when you've tried everything and they're still choosing to drink. The best thing I ever did was to stop waiting for him to change and start working on myself.
Hugs to you and your kids. Take care.
So sorry you're going through this. I know how hard it is when you've tried everything and they're still choosing to drink. The best thing I ever did was to stop waiting for him to change and start working on myself.
Hugs to you and your kids. Take care.
Community Greeter
Join Date: Aug 2007
Location: Upstate New York
Posts: 51,564
I haven't followed your entire story maggies, but my heart goes out to you. I know all too well that sinking feeling.
I've been on both sides of this thing. I agree that an alcoholic will find a way if they aren't ready to stop. I'm glad you're getting support and encouragement here - we care about you.
I've been on both sides of this thing. I agree that an alcoholic will find a way if they aren't ready to stop. I'm glad you're getting support and encouragement here - we care about you.
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Join Date: May 2007
Location: Sweden
Posts: 1,649
Please don't grind up the pills and give them to him on the sly! You could end up watching him go from the ER to the morgue.
Maggies why don't you throw in the towel with the pills and tell him to get his sorry aXX to a meeting and or outpatient. You don't have to give him an ultimatum. Tell him you are sick of it and don't want to live the way you are living anymore, and you are just miserable. There are no "ifs" in there: just your heartfelt feelings. Your feelings are good enough, you don't need to make threats: feelings are valid.
Maggies why don't you throw in the towel with the pills and tell him to get his sorry aXX to a meeting and or outpatient. You don't have to give him an ultimatum. Tell him you are sick of it and don't want to live the way you are living anymore, and you are just miserable. There are no "ifs" in there: just your heartfelt feelings. Your feelings are good enough, you don't need to make threats: feelings are valid.
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Join Date: Aug 2011
Location: Pa
Posts: 4,872
This really even put me through a "loop" here. I had hoped the best for you. My problems weren't the same as yours, but I think similar enough. I only had certain "tools" in my shed. I realized the "tools" I had weren't working. I needed new "tools". But I needed to find "tools" that would work for me. I needed to stop thinking about how to change another person. I needed to start thinking about "me". And I thought, what a radical concept that was, I should start thinking about "me?". It took a lot of work because I then had to rewire my brain, and finally think about "me".
We are here for you.
We are here for you.
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Join Date: Jun 2012
Posts: 175
Anabuse does not prevent drinking. My XAH drank on it too. Personally, I think he only took the pills to try to convince me he was not drinking....
If you haven't tried Al-Anon yet, maybe you could consider it now? It might help you gain some perspective on things. Take care of yourself!
If you haven't tried Al-Anon yet, maybe you could consider it now? It might help you gain some perspective on things. Take care of yourself!
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Join Date: Aug 2011
Location: Pa
Posts: 4,872
This is a really strange concept that in time I found worked for me.
"Let Go, Let God".
Really, really strange for me. It was like, do you mean I can take all of these things that are bothering me, and I can put them in a box, and then I can actually thing about "me?". What I want. It really was strange for me to come to that realization. It also turned my life around.
"Let Go, Let God".
Really, really strange for me. It was like, do you mean I can take all of these things that are bothering me, and I can put them in a box, and then I can actually thing about "me?". What I want. It really was strange for me to come to that realization. It also turned my life around.
Behold the power of NO
Join Date: Jan 2013
Location: WA
Posts: 7,764
Just wanted to add that most of us here have been in your shoes. I still remember how hopeful I d be every time I'd drag my XAB to a rehab then he would come home and I would start getting that nagging sinking little feeling in my stomach and when he would "relapse" after a few days or weeks I would be so devastated.
I ve cried my eyes out many times until I accepted that I could do absolutely nothing about his alcoholism and that quitting was on him.
You deserve better than to live on this emotional roller coaster with this permanent anxiety.
Take care of yourself
Hugs
I ve cried my eyes out many times until I accepted that I could do absolutely nothing about his alcoholism and that quitting was on him.
You deserve better than to live on this emotional roller coaster with this permanent anxiety.
Take care of yourself
Hugs
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