3 months sober and still struggling with the 'spiritual' side of AA
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Jan 2014
Posts: 77
3 months sober and still struggling with the 'spiritual' side of AA
Hello everyone,
It will be 3 months since my last drink tomorrow, and I plan on collecting my 3 month chip tonight at my local AA meeting.
I am having a bit of a rough patch at the moment, however, and have been questioning whether AA will ever work for me. I completed my Step One whilst I was in rehab, but I feel I can progress no further until I have learnt to let the 'higher power' concept into my life. As a scientist and an atheist (a former Christian who lost her faith somewhere down the line), I am not a particularly 'spiritual' person. I did attend a very interesting meeting last week, which highlighted that not everyone sitting in the circle with me was indeed religious, but they were able to share about what their higher power was. One woman commented on how it is like a butterfly. If you chase it, it will elude you, whereas, if you stand still, it will settle on your shoulder when you least expect it. I have tried to take this comment on board, but I feel like I am heading towards a relapse and that the conventional medical route I am taking (Pregabalin for my very severe, almost 24/7 anxiety focused around conscious control of my breathing and hyperventilation) is not helping at all, after about 6 weeks. If I visit the GP, she just suggests that I increase my dose, which makes the side effects (dizziness, etc.) worse. I have tried lots of medication - mainly antidepressants, which are prescribed with Valium. I then come off the Valium, and persevere with the antidepressant for a few weeks, after which time, I feel my anxiety hit the roof, I can't sleep, and feel suicidal. I really don't want to have to go down this route again.
I'm just interested really in hearing from people with a similar background to me, if AA worked for them, and also if there are any more 'secular' organisations that can help maintain sobriety. One reason I still attend the meetings is the social contact with other people. I appreciate the way that a lot of us are there to support and cheer each other on, and I would miss that if I were to stop it. I am based in the UK, by the way.
in advance!
Wendolene
It will be 3 months since my last drink tomorrow, and I plan on collecting my 3 month chip tonight at my local AA meeting.
I am having a bit of a rough patch at the moment, however, and have been questioning whether AA will ever work for me. I completed my Step One whilst I was in rehab, but I feel I can progress no further until I have learnt to let the 'higher power' concept into my life. As a scientist and an atheist (a former Christian who lost her faith somewhere down the line), I am not a particularly 'spiritual' person. I did attend a very interesting meeting last week, which highlighted that not everyone sitting in the circle with me was indeed religious, but they were able to share about what their higher power was. One woman commented on how it is like a butterfly. If you chase it, it will elude you, whereas, if you stand still, it will settle on your shoulder when you least expect it. I have tried to take this comment on board, but I feel like I am heading towards a relapse and that the conventional medical route I am taking (Pregabalin for my very severe, almost 24/7 anxiety focused around conscious control of my breathing and hyperventilation) is not helping at all, after about 6 weeks. If I visit the GP, she just suggests that I increase my dose, which makes the side effects (dizziness, etc.) worse. I have tried lots of medication - mainly antidepressants, which are prescribed with Valium. I then come off the Valium, and persevere with the antidepressant for a few weeks, after which time, I feel my anxiety hit the roof, I can't sleep, and feel suicidal. I really don't want to have to go down this route again.
I'm just interested really in hearing from people with a similar background to me, if AA worked for them, and also if there are any more 'secular' organisations that can help maintain sobriety. One reason I still attend the meetings is the social contact with other people. I appreciate the way that a lot of us are there to support and cheer each other on, and I would miss that if I were to stop it. I am based in the UK, by the way.
in advance!Wendolene
Hears The Voice
Join Date: Jan 2013
Location: Unshackled
Posts: 7,901
Congrats on 3 months sober! You might try The LifeRing Home Page | Sobriety, Secularity, Self-Help
Secular recovery, with meetings!
There is also information in the secular connections forum here at SR.
Best of Luck on Your Journey!
Secular recovery, with meetings!
There is also information in the secular connections forum here at SR.
Best of Luck on Your Journey!
Member
Join Date: Mar 2014
Posts: 25,373
I'd say in regards to AA, go if the meetings help you. Find your own path. No one can define God for anyone else, but it doesn't have to be some man in the clouds, it can be whatever you want it to be. I know God/HP is a sticking point for many in AA. It's okay. Just go to meetings and enjoy the fellowship of other recovering alcoholics. Hold onto whatever sentence helps you to stay sober.
For me, doing it my way did not work in any way shape or form, so I had to be willing to try something new. I don't agree with every single person in AA. It is a simple program, but alcoholics being who we are, we tend to want to make things complicated; to think them through. It's just simple for me. I believe that the Universe wants me to be happy. If I align myself with good - good things happen. If I relax into life, and stop fighting people and situations, life is calm. My life and my problems are tiny and insignificant in the scheme of the Universe - so only I have to deal with them and live with them. Why make it tougher on myself?
The meds? I tried all of them too. I finally remembered how I was as a child - before all the poo hit the fan. I didn't need meds. I was a perfectly happy kid before I started worrying and fretting about stuff over which I HAD NO CONTROL. So, I decided to cut my doctor off. No more meds. That meant I had to deal with my personality problem. I haven't taken meds in several years. Just stopped drinking in March. I feel better than I have in years - decades. My problem? Between my ears. Seven inches of drama. Really silly, actually.
You'll figure it out, and you'll heal. Be patient with yourself and it will come.
For me, doing it my way did not work in any way shape or form, so I had to be willing to try something new. I don't agree with every single person in AA. It is a simple program, but alcoholics being who we are, we tend to want to make things complicated; to think them through. It's just simple for me. I believe that the Universe wants me to be happy. If I align myself with good - good things happen. If I relax into life, and stop fighting people and situations, life is calm. My life and my problems are tiny and insignificant in the scheme of the Universe - so only I have to deal with them and live with them. Why make it tougher on myself?
The meds? I tried all of them too. I finally remembered how I was as a child - before all the poo hit the fan. I didn't need meds. I was a perfectly happy kid before I started worrying and fretting about stuff over which I HAD NO CONTROL. So, I decided to cut my doctor off. No more meds. That meant I had to deal with my personality problem. I haven't taken meds in several years. Just stopped drinking in March. I feel better than I have in years - decades. My problem? Between my ears. Seven inches of drama. Really silly, actually.
You'll figure it out, and you'll heal. Be patient with yourself and it will come.
Member
Join Date: Sep 2011
Location: SE Arizona
Posts: 1,099
I didn't find AA particularly helpful. Granted, my experience is limited but mostly it is limited because of my experiences. After several of the meetings I attended I was lectured to by different individuals who variously told me that I wasn't enough of a drunk, or that I was in denial or that unless I gave my life to Jesus I was going to roast in Hell for all eternity. Now I can deal with jerks in most circumstances. But, as a newcomer to AA I felt that the group had some responsibility to keep their resident jerks from hassling the newcomers and that didn't happen.
Actually, I think the problem is more mine than it is AA's; I'm not much of a group person. I didn't feel comfortable in LifeRing either. I do have a lot of respect for AA and the work they do. But, as a retired scientist and atheist, there is a level of belief required for success in the program that I just can't generate. I found Rational Recovery and AVRT a more comfortable fit to my particular personality; you might also.
Actually, I think the problem is more mine than it is AA's; I'm not much of a group person. I didn't feel comfortable in LifeRing either. I do have a lot of respect for AA and the work they do. But, as a retired scientist and atheist, there is a level of belief required for success in the program that I just can't generate. I found Rational Recovery and AVRT a more comfortable fit to my particular personality; you might also.
Member
Join Date: Mar 2014
Posts: 25,373
You've probably seen the Easter Bunny hopping around your neighborhood. If you startle a prey animal like a bunny or a deer, they freeze. They will slow their breathing or stop it to avoid detection. It's a primal reaction to fright. That's what humans do, too.
On the breathing thing - that was a real sticking place for me, too. If I experience anything I perceive as FEAR I hold my breath. That causes carbon dioxide buildup which triggers the anxiety response. My body does not want me to hold my breath a hundred times a day, that's counter to survival! The physiological response is anxiety - to make me breathe! It's a habit when it isn't actual survival at stake. Yoga, meditation and exercise help break this habit, as they focus on breath.
Fight or flight response is just that - a response. Unless I'm actually in danger it's a poor coping strategy.
On the breathing thing - that was a real sticking place for me, too. If I experience anything I perceive as FEAR I hold my breath. That causes carbon dioxide buildup which triggers the anxiety response. My body does not want me to hold my breath a hundred times a day, that's counter to survival! The physiological response is anxiety - to make me breathe! It's a habit when it isn't actual survival at stake. Yoga, meditation and exercise help break this habit, as they focus on breath.
Fight or flight response is just that - a response. Unless I'm actually in danger it's a poor coping strategy.
Member
Join Date: Jan 2012
Location: De
Posts: 1,333
Congratulations on your 3 months! Good Orderly Direction got me through steps 2&3, which got me through the rest of the steps. My other God was Notme, it helped too. Since I was willing to go to any lengths to get sober, just believing in a power greater than me was good enough. Just work the steps. Clean up, clean house, help others.
Member
Join Date: Nov 2009
Location: Kansas
Posts: 3,937
I avoided the god stuff for the like the plague when I first got to AA. Don't fight it from either end. This just makes it harder. I like the butterfly example. That really is how it seems to happen.
EndGame
Join Date: Jun 2013
Location: New York, NY
Posts: 4,677
I've worked as a clinician and research scientist for over thirty years. I'm also trained in psychopharmacology. If science had something to offer in helping me get sober, I would have used it.
Administrator
Join Date: Aug 2003
Location: Dancing in the Light
Posts: 61,476
I'm not an AA person, but I HAD to reconnect with spiritual side in order to recover. I am not religious, though. My spiritual side relates to the Universe and its gifts. My spiritual side allows me to be quiet and to listen to my soul, to that quiet place within myself which will always show me the way.
By the way, holding a purring cat is a great way to relieve anxiety. I also struggle with generalized anxiety and I am always looking for ways to remain calm. Meditation is really helpful.
By the way, holding a purring cat is a great way to relieve anxiety. I also struggle with generalized anxiety and I am always looking for ways to remain calm. Meditation is really helpful.
Member
Join Date: Jan 2014
Location: Australia
Posts: 643
Anna, you hit the nail on the head for me. I actually went and got another dog last year after a nervous breakdown, my family and even I didn't know why I did at the time, but now I know it was to help me heal. To think about something besides constantly focusing on myself. I am sick of hearing my inner dialogue, my dogs help drown that out.
I hope you find some peace Wendolene x
I hope you find some peace Wendolene x
Keeping it simple!
Join Date: Dec 2012
Location: Surrey, BC
Posts: 3,282
Congrats on 3 months! That is awesome.
When I first started going to AA I found that I obsessed too much over the things that I couldn't do at the time. The higher power thing being one of them along with a few other things. So I decided to can the stuff that I couldn't grasp and focused on the few things that I found positive about the program.
I incorporate 3 programs, Women for Sobriety, SMART and AA. All these programs have some kind of function for me even if I don't agree with them 100%.
WFS helps empower me as a woman and to not be defined by my addiction.
SMART gives me the logic I am looking for because sometimes my mind needs this.
I go to AA to remind myself that I am an alcoholic, to be with others like me, and to remind myself that I can't control everything. I haven't really done the steps however, I do have the workbook and I have looked at in and have filled in a few things, but I certainly haven't done each in order or obsessed about them. I mostly go to AA just to listen to others and to remember how bad it was for me when I first stopped drinking.
Like you I cannot really come up with God or a higher power, hence my signature. Right now it isn't my business what is out there or where I am suppose to go, I will discover it in due time
.
I try to keep the programs in my head simple as once I start complicating them that is when I usually start running into problems with the stinky thinking.
When I first started going to AA I found that I obsessed too much over the things that I couldn't do at the time. The higher power thing being one of them along with a few other things. So I decided to can the stuff that I couldn't grasp and focused on the few things that I found positive about the program.
I incorporate 3 programs, Women for Sobriety, SMART and AA. All these programs have some kind of function for me even if I don't agree with them 100%.
WFS helps empower me as a woman and to not be defined by my addiction.
SMART gives me the logic I am looking for because sometimes my mind needs this.
I go to AA to remind myself that I am an alcoholic, to be with others like me, and to remind myself that I can't control everything. I haven't really done the steps however, I do have the workbook and I have looked at in and have filled in a few things, but I certainly haven't done each in order or obsessed about them. I mostly go to AA just to listen to others and to remember how bad it was for me when I first stopped drinking.
Like you I cannot really come up with God or a higher power, hence my signature. Right now it isn't my business what is out there or where I am suppose to go, I will discover it in due time
. I try to keep the programs in my head simple as once I start complicating them that is when I usually start running into problems with the stinky thinking.
Member
Join Date: Mar 2008
Location: UK
Posts: 4,682
For me before I got sober I was flitting here there and everywhere. Dry stints, counselling, psychologists, medication, social anxiety group therapy, books, courses. I even paid 2 grand to sit having electricity passed through me in an effort to cure my drinking. Anything that didn't take too much energy and take me out of my comfort zone. Generally these endeavours would last from weeks up to 6 months max.
So my advice would be to to one thing then if it doesn't work then try something else.
AA is not sitting around meetings talking it is a program of action so you could actually work AA whilst you are already there. Get a sponsor who has some sobriety you like the look of and who has worked the steps of AA and directs you through the same process.
No one has "done AA" until they gave worked the steps, but if you are anything like me you will choose something else for a while...plenty of suggestions in the thread for something else to try:-)
So my advice would be to to one thing then if it doesn't work then try something else.
AA is not sitting around meetings talking it is a program of action so you could actually work AA whilst you are already there. Get a sponsor who has some sobriety you like the look of and who has worked the steps of AA and directs you through the same process.
No one has "done AA" until they gave worked the steps, but if you are anything like me you will choose something else for a while...plenty of suggestions in the thread for something else to try:-)
~sb
Join Date: Jul 2011
Location: MD
Posts: 15,960
The steps help us to find a power greater than us.
Just something to consider:
If you are sober for 3 months and life is going okay, why bother with AA at all? Something seems to be working for you.
If life becomes unbearable in sobriety, than maybe the steps of AA will help you and you can then work those steps by attending meetings and finding someone to guide you through those steps (sponsor).
Just something to consider:
If you are sober for 3 months and life is going okay, why bother with AA at all? Something seems to be working for you.
If life becomes unbearable in sobriety, than maybe the steps of AA will help you and you can then work those steps by attending meetings and finding someone to guide you through those steps (sponsor).
Member
Join Date: Mar 2014
Posts: 272
Congrats on the 3 months!
You are finding the meetings helpful, and that alone can be your higher power, if you want to start somewhere. AA can be challenging in different ways for different people. My process is trying to become comfortable with my own interpretation, and to not feel attacked or imagine that I'm being judged if others have a different interpretation. That is an ongoing process, lol. The "people-pleaser" in me instinctively feels nervous if someone talks about Christ and that's not my perception of my HP, like they must have it right and I must have it wrong. Obviously, that's not true.
However, AA is one of many options, and I encourage you to find what works best to help you stay sober.
You are finding the meetings helpful, and that alone can be your higher power, if you want to start somewhere. AA can be challenging in different ways for different people. My process is trying to become comfortable with my own interpretation, and to not feel attacked or imagine that I'm being judged if others have a different interpretation. That is an ongoing process, lol. The "people-pleaser" in me instinctively feels nervous if someone talks about Christ and that's not my perception of my HP, like they must have it right and I must have it wrong. Obviously, that's not true.
However, AA is one of many options, and I encourage you to find what works best to help you stay sober.
Member
Join Date: Apr 2014
Location: Midwest
Posts: 1,697
Congratulations!! I suffer from anxiety also. I have been reading a book called An end to Panic: Breakthrough Techniques by Elke Zuercher-White. This book is a really good workbook. Not just something you read and think about. Anxiety/panic are one of my struggles also. I have learned to accept and try to control my body during these times. This is not a disorder you can just take a pill for and it will go away. You really need to change your mindset and identify/deal with the symptoms. I not all that religious also. Have not had time to go to AA. I would suggest you get a therapist that can help you with your anxiety to talk it out and work through it.
Here is a website with some additional tips.
Tips to Manage Anxiety and Stress | Anxiety and Depression Association of America, ADAA
I wish you the best and be well!
Here is a website with some additional tips.
Tips to Manage Anxiety and Stress | Anxiety and Depression Association of America, ADAA
I wish you the best and be well!
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