sober100

Hi

I'm newly sober, only 114 days. I don't have a sponsor and haven't committed to working the steps just yet.

When I was at a meeting a few weeks ago, I ran into someone who was desperate for help -- despondent, no money, no place to stay and very drunk. He asked me for help. I got him to rehab center (his request) and he called me every couple of days to check in. I bought him some clothes (t-shirt and socks) because he didn't have a change of clothes.

He was discharged yesterday, but he asked me if he could stay with me for a couple of nights. I barely know this person, don't know anything about his past so I told him "no," but I felt guilty and as if I had not lived up to the "responsibility" statement. He is supposed to have an interview with sober living house today.

This person appears to have nothing.

Did I do the right thing?

tomsteve

you did the right thing,IMO.
He may be broke and homeless. If he is, you might try to help him about getting a job, or give him a little financial assistance. But you should not deprive your family or creditors of money they should have. Perhaps you will want to take the man into your home for a few days. But be sure you use discretion. Be certain he will be welcomed by your family, and that he is not trying to impose upon you for money, connections, or shelter. Permit that and you only harm him. You will be making it possible for him to be insincere.
You may be aiding in his destruction rather than his recovery.

what you could do is find information for him to look into for getting assistance getting a place to live.

Ruby2

It is hard not to feel guilty but in my opinion you did the right thing saying no. At least for the time being. You can always revisit the issue at a later date. You are new. He is even newer. Congratulations on 114 days. You have extended a lot to this person already by getting him to rehab and buying shirts and socks and by talking to him when he called you. I view this as the airplane analogy. Put on your oxygen mask first before putting it on others. If he were to relapse or do anything else while staying with you, you are still in a very vulnerable stage. Good job with how much you have done!

Amazingglazier

Sober 100, Welcome and Congrats! Just a bit on my life trying to get sober. I had a long time friend who fell on hard times through wrong thinking and alcohol/drugs, my SO and I took him into our house, kept him fed and sheltered on the condition of no drinking in the house. We couldn't have that as we had her grandchildren living there also. His solution to that condition was to keep a bottle of Vodka in his car and stumble out take a drink and stumble back in all hours of the day! When confronted he got mad and moved down the road to a fleabag motel and continued. Also in AA I met a few younger members I tried to help, but it was all just problems, with them and our rules, one young man moved back to the Salvation Army after getting mad when we said no smoking in the house and he would just open a window and blow smoke through the screen while we both went outside on the porch smoking our cigs and watching him do it, then he said we were mistaken after we watched him do it! I am a giving person as my SO is but there must be boundaries! Hope this helps! Stay Strong and Well ! Bobby

Anna

I'm sure he appreciated your compassion and help, but it would be a bad idea to allow a stranger into your home to live with you. You have responsibility to take care of yourself, too.

doggonecarl

I think so.

You might work steps 1-11 before you start questioning your 12th step.

BadCompany

You did just fine. I took in a few people earlt in sobriety and most of the time things just didn't work out well. I don't regret helping them at all though.

sober100

Thanks for the suggestion. I think he was broke and homeless. However, I never heard from him again, so I don't know where exactly he landed. I don't think he even had a cell phone.

LBrain

as I was reading this I was experiencing de javu. Then yes, I was.
thanks for checking in sober100.
How's it going?

Upward2Enlightenment

You did the right thing. You don't know this person at all and they will be in your house while you sleep.

Holli

You definitely did the right thing.

sober100

Thanks ScrewedUp and LBrain.

I'm doing OK, but still wonder if this person is OK.

My saying "no, I don't feel comfortable with you staying with me," didn't mean I never wanted to help again, but I guess he saw it that way. His parting words were, "I respect that, hey, I need to find a place to stay tonight, so thanks for all the 12 step work, bye." Then zip, nada. I felt kind of "used." I dunno, the whole thing was weird.

All things considered, I'm fine. Going to meetings and reading the BB, 12/12, and Living Sober. I still don't have a sponsor yet. I'm waiting until I find someone I click with.

Thanks for asking --

Upward2Enlightenment

You may never know what happened to him, then again you may run into him later and find out that you are the reason he finally turned around.

Then again he may have been using you. He may do that all the time.

Good luck finding a sponsor, your plan sounds smart.