Knat84

Hello all,

Okay. I'll just jump into it.
I have a friend who is in prison and has been for going on 8 1/2 years.
He is in prison for (ultimately) drugs. However, on his record it will say "accomplice to an aggravated robbery." The robbery happened when his friend (who was a meth dealer), pulled a gun out on people who had owed him money. My friend had no idea that the dealer had a gun and actually turned it on my friend forcing him to drive him (the dealer) away from the scene. Of course, the cops were called, pulled them over, and it was my friend's third strike, (he had broken probation THREE times before for not having gone to his monthly drug tests on account of not staying clean. He was arrested before for being caught with drugs.) Sooo...the Judge had no mercy on him. Gave him 20 years (at the ripe ole' age of 23) with eligibility for parole in 10 years.

This, in the end, was a Godsend.

My friend now admits that he would not have quit had he not been sent to prison. Rehab did not work for him. And obviously being arrested multiple times did not prompt him to stay clean. He says that he probably would be dead.

Okay, so.. why all that info. up top? Well, just thought I'd give you guys a back story.

My friend and I speak two times a week. See each other once a month and he seems totally changed. (When I say changed I mean..not an addict. Not on drugs.) He is really into fitness. He is learning a trade to help him when he gets out. His attitude is really positive! What's the problem?
He has an addictive personality. I mean, he admits that even a cigarette will start a chain reaction for him. Cigarettes turn to drinking, drinking turns to cocaine, cocaine eventually turns into meth. He admits this! He has told me numerous times that he will NOT turn to drugs because he knows that it will only lead him back to prison..or death.

Well... I am a skeptic. (I do not tell him this.) I, myself, am a recovering booze addict. (Sober almost 3 years.) I tell him all-- the time how easy it will be to say yes to 'that drink' or 'that cig' when he gets out. I am trying to tell him that it's going to be hard, however, he states that his will is strong enough. I am, really, just so worried about him.

Okay, so what I am asking you guys:

What group would you recommend him joining? First, let me say that he (like me) is not a fundamentalist. We believe in God / a higher power, however, are not by standard definition "Christians." I got sober by luck and a sheer epiphany (possibly a higher power), he.. well, by prison. (Possibly a higher power, as well!)

AA and NA seemed to not work for us. We have both had our fair share of it, however, it just did not work... are there any other groups? I know that there is this wonderful online group (and I have told him about you guys!), however, is there anything else out there for addicts aside from NA and AA??

I am just so- so- scared that he will relapse when he gets out ...when he has full fledged freedom. The upshot is, (and I know this sounds terrible), is that his old dealers and friends are in prison themselves, and (unfortunately) dead. What I am saying is that he would have to seek out for the harder drugs, however, alcohol (like many of you know) is treated very casually today. Ex.: "How about a lovely cocktail with your lunch?!" I have told him time and time again that it is going to be so easy to relapse...

Where can he go? What can he do? What can I do to help??

Sorry for the long freaking post.

I thank you guys to the bottom of my heart.

xoxo,
Nat

(Sober 2 years, 7 months, and 22 days!)

biminiblue

Only he can decide for himself that which will help him or hurt him.

Let him go his own way. He's going to anyway. Preaching at him is not at all helpful. Try sharing your own experiences, and then let it go.

Knat84

You're right. Preaching does not help. It did not help him before. I will be so crushed, though, if he turns back to that lifestyle. I will be so especially crushed if he goes back to prison, or worse, dies. He's had 8 1/2 years of sobriety. Perhaps he has had his epiphany as well. He states he has. I just need to let it go (like you said) and have trust. Thanks, biminiblue.

xoxo

ClearLight

Couldn't he join AA while he's still in prison?

There's lots of folks in AA that are atheists so don't let the God thing hold you, or him, back.

Why wait?

Knat84

You know, I should ask him about that. Really. He has yet to mention it and I have just not asked due to my experience with AA. I know that there are volunteers at the prison that come and speak and share their experiences with addiction and etcetera. I think all I can do is pray to God / the higher power in hopes that he walks the straight and arrow.

Anna

Allow your friend to make the choice he needs to make.

Step back and take care of yourself.

AnvilheadII

as he has been IN prison for 8.5 years and not eligible for parole until 10 years, aren't you maybe getting just a smidge ahead of things here???? he's had plenty of time to ponder his own life and any choices he makes upon release are HIS to make.

FeenixxRising

Secular organizations for recovery:

SMART
LifeRing
SoS

I only have a little experience with SMART, I know little about the other organizations. Ultimately, it will be your friend's battle to fight once he's out of prison. It sounds like he's doing the right things while he's there, so that's good. Is he seeing a counselor/therapist while in prison?

Knat84

You're right. But, as a very close friend (like a brother, really), it just scares me. It is so painful to know that he is in there and is not a threat to society. It pains me to think that he could go there again. I suppose I need to have more faith in him and not be so worried and controlling. Preaching will not get me anywhere. I get that.

Knat84

No, he has not. He has told me that in the prison system (where he is at, Palestine, Texas), they have the attitude of 'you rehabilitate yourself.' They have faith based classes, however, he does not go on account of not being religious. And a lot of the church volunteers that come to guide the faith based classes are very strong Southern Baptists. (We live in the 'Bible Belt'. Definitely was a determent to religion when we were growing up.) So, needless to say, it's fire and brimstone, so I have heard. Either you are a believer of Jesus dying for your sins or you're going to hell. (That is unless you are Jewish. They are the chosen people. lol. It's what it is.)

AnvilheadII

so knat...as he's been incarcerated for quite a while now, what is going with YOU that suddenly is causing you so much concern and angst over stuff you can't control? he has a long ways to go til he's released, so that's not it....is there anything else going on in your life that is acting as a stressor, or is something you'd rather not look at?

GREAT job on your own sobriety, sorry i didn't say that out the gate.

Knat84

Hmm. I think that because he has been in there so long, (8 1/2 years) it really does not seem like that much longer in my (or his families) eyes. So, although 1 1/2 years may sound like a long time to someone else, we're seeing it as, "Okay! He's no longer in the four digit day range, it's now three!" Yes...weird.

Okay, something going on with me acting as a stressor? Sure. Doesn't everybody have some sort of stressor? IF (and I said 'if' ^_^) you are hinting at my fear of his possible relapse paralleling with a fear of my own relapse, then you are slightly wrong. But, however, there is always the subconscious level that might have the fear... so, who knows?
I am fairly confident that I will not relapse. I love the sober life. I might as well just put a gun up to my head if I chose to start drinking again. Really.
But, I guess I am starting to worry about him because I have been out and about and I have felt the demons creep up on me. They are hard to shake off! But, so far I've been pretty darn good at throwing those suckers to the floor! I just worry too much.

And thank YOU so much on the 'GREAT job'!!!
xoxo

suki44883

^^^^This.

Worrying about what he will or will not do is just a waste of time and emotion. He'll do whatever he decides to do. It really has nothing to do with you.

Go on and live your own life, find happiness and move on. Take care of yourself. Get to a place where you will not be "crushed" regardless of what he does.

PAINLESS66

10 years in a federal prison for a cocaine conspiracy saved this addicts life too... i only served 7 1/2 with a year off from a drug program but one day in prison is all i really needed to learn what i needed to learn. The rest of the time I spent reading book after book including and entire set of encyclopedias except for the letter J... it was missing. I also read 4 encyclopedia year books that contain all the new information at years end. I learned a lot form reading those books... lol... i was in the Federal Prison system serving time in the high maximum security prisons... NOT CLUB FED AT ALL... quite the reverse... terrible places with the worst of the worst criminal minds this country has... learned a lot from them too.. havent broken the law since January 27th 1993... well... havent gotten caught i should say... lol...

Knat84

Wow! If I could give you a hug, I would. *hug* He was in a maximum security, however, they moved him to minimum this past autumn. He says that he reads and reads and reads, as well! Lots of magazine subscriptions. I am so glad to hear that prison saved your life and NOW you are at a place where you can help and communicate with others. Good for you!!!!!