Building some muscle on feeling the feelings
Its a cold and its a broken hallelujah.
Thread Starter
Join Date: Aug 2011
Posts: 2,887
Building some muscle on feeling the feelings
My favorite excuse to drink is because of the emotional roller coaster that life inevitably brings with it.
At one time. I would just as soon numb out every emotion that could be perceived as even remotely negative or uncomfortable. It was if every feeling had to pass some litmus test to be judged on whether it was drinkable over or not.
Interesting how they all somehow managed to wind up in the drinkable category...
I now see that I set up that process so that I could justify my behavior. I rarely just allowed or permitted my emotions to hit me. And then recede.
I now wonder if that was one if the main culprits behind my anxiety.
The constant evaluating, labeling as bad, so I could fall face first into a bottle.
Last night I had a highly emotional response to something. It was painful. I hurt. Tears flowed profusely. And of course, as the hyperventilating and deep emotional angst surfaced, I wanted out of the pain. Now.
For a split second, I defaulted mentally to use what I used to think worked but only exacerbated the despair tenfold.
It passed.
It always does.
If you just are WILLING TO try to walk through the storm. Unshielded.
This life experience is not meant to be benign. At least for me it's not. It's about self discovery. At every turn.
To find out what you are really made of. You are going to have to build some muscle. And that takes work. And repetition. And once you have gotten good at lifting the smaller weights, you have to be willing to put more weight on.
And rip and tear.
In order to build.
At one time. I would just as soon numb out every emotion that could be perceived as even remotely negative or uncomfortable. It was if every feeling had to pass some litmus test to be judged on whether it was drinkable over or not.
Interesting how they all somehow managed to wind up in the drinkable category...
I now see that I set up that process so that I could justify my behavior. I rarely just allowed or permitted my emotions to hit me. And then recede.
I now wonder if that was one if the main culprits behind my anxiety.
The constant evaluating, labeling as bad, so I could fall face first into a bottle.
Last night I had a highly emotional response to something. It was painful. I hurt. Tears flowed profusely. And of course, as the hyperventilating and deep emotional angst surfaced, I wanted out of the pain. Now.
For a split second, I defaulted mentally to use what I used to think worked but only exacerbated the despair tenfold.
It passed.
It always does.
If you just are WILLING TO try to walk through the storm. Unshielded.
This life experience is not meant to be benign. At least for me it's not. It's about self discovery. At every turn.
To find out what you are really made of. You are going to have to build some muscle. And that takes work. And repetition. And once you have gotten good at lifting the smaller weights, you have to be willing to put more weight on.
And rip and tear.
In order to build.
Member
Join Date: Sep 2013
Location: Strailya
Posts: 8,011
AO, I have interpreted your post as a unique metaphor for describing mindfulness and CBT. My psych taught me these coping mechanisms which are precisely what you have outlined though in a different way. I feel like you and I are on the same journey but in different carriages ! Onwards we go, its been a great ride so far 
Its a cold and its a broken hallelujah.
Thread Starter
Join Date: Aug 2011
Posts: 2,887
Originally Posted by SolitaryThinker 
That's amazing, I wish I had that power!
Just gotta start out with low weights and reps and know that with every workout good things are happening underneath.
Member
Join Date: Mar 2012
Location: South East England
Posts: 8,009
And then comes the day when after one of life's down spells...when you reach a place when you think you can't cope and have a little (or not so little) meltdown as happened to me last week...
And you suddenly realise, like a bolt from the blue...that you didn't once consider drinking over it!!
And that's the best feeling of all...
Keep going AO. Proud of you
xx
And you suddenly realise, like a bolt from the blue...that you didn't once consider drinking over it!!
And that's the best feeling of all...
Keep going AO. Proud of you
xx
Administrator
Join Date: Aug 2003
Location: Dancing in the Light
Posts: 61,476
Yes, that's it.
I was so afraid of feeling the feelings. I had to learn that the feelings themselves had no power over me, they were just feelings and I could feel them and then let them go. Very empowering.
I was so afraid of feeling the feelings. I had to learn that the feelings themselves had no power over me, they were just feelings and I could feel them and then let them go. Very empowering.
Community Greeter
Join Date: Aug 2007
Location: Upstate New York
Posts: 51,537
Wonderfully enlightening stuff AO. Spent my whole life stifling my feelings & now I let them flow. It was so hard to learn to do that. I thought I was protecting myself, never imagined I was doing so much damage.
Your post gave me chills. Thank you so much for an eloquent share.
Your post gave me chills. Thank you so much for an eloquent share.
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