EH21

I've been a member of Sober Recovery for a few years. Initially for myself and for my addicted boyfriend for the last year or so. I've posted about him many times. He is 38 and he's addicted to benzos. We live with his mom who is an enabler (and is oblivious to this fact). I'm 25 and I'm currently looking for work and trying to get my life together. My boyfriend is supporting me until I find work. We've been on and off for 3 years this August. I've made a lot of stupid decisions with him when I should have just left. Now I've gotten myself into a situation where I have nowhere to go (can't move in with family), I have no money, I have no car and I have absolutely no idea of what to do. I am totally willing to move into a shelter but I have 3 cats that I need to find foster care for because I refuse to lose them because of him. This situation is really starting to get to me. I don't feel like myself anymore. I feel like a cornered animal. My thoughts are cloudy and all over the place. I know I have PTSD because of him and his addiction. He doesn't get high all the time. It's just a few times a month lately. But when he does get high everything goes to ****. He takes 8-10 Xanax bars and changes to a completely different person. He's so high that he has to be watched closely which means I have to babysit him 24/7 and lose sleep for days on end (until his welfare check runs out and he can't buy drugs). Then he sobers up and promises it will never happen again and does and says whatever I want to see or hear. The thing is I know better than this. I know he's an addict. I know he can't be trusted. I'm not an idiotic girl who doesn't have enough wisdom and confidence to stay clear of people like him. I know I'm codependent to an extent and I know this is very unhealthy for me. I was 23 when I first met him and I may have been nieve back then but I know better now. He's a manipulative adult child that sits around all day and lives off the government. He's a narcissistic ***** who uses everyone he comes into contact with. He preys on younger girls who are troubled (like I was) and abuses them emotionally, mentally and physically. I know this because that's what he's done to me and several others before me. I'm really trying to get myself and my cats out of this mess in one piece. I'm trying to distance myself from him emotionally until I can afford to physically. But I wasn't exactly sound mentally or physically before I met him. I was abused as a child and struggling to survive on my own since I was 19 without help from family or friends. I was already shell shocked, traumatized and depressed before I met him. At this point I'm really beginning to lose my ability to stay here without losing my mind and killing him. I have no tolerance or patience left. He ABSOLUTELY DISGUSTS me and I HATE him for doing this to me. I harbour so much resentment for him it overflows within me. I actually got to the point that I called the cops on him the last time he was high. That is something I've wanted to do for a long time now but was too afraid to get kicked out. They actually told me there's nothing they can do. So I follow the law and he doesn't and my life is in danger because he doesn't and there's nothing you can do?! Just like all the shelters I call are filled and none of the animal shelters I call actually have fostering set up for domestic violence situations. And just like none of the places I apply to actually hire me. And just like I basically have no family or friends that are willing (not can or can't but are willing) to help. Seriously I'm beginning to just give up. My family is white trash so why shouldn't I be? I feel like I'm being forced to live like one. No matter how hard I try I just can't seem to be able to get ahead. I'm so tired of living like this!

LoveMeNow

Edit....wrong thread!!

chicory

EH21,

I am sorry that you are going through such a hard time. I believe that if you try hard enough, you might find a place to foster your furbabies, while you do whatever! you can,, shelter living, womens shelter, to get your life back.

there are many no kill shelters, and in my state, there are lots of places where they will foster your kitties,, it just takes time to find them. google no kill shelters, and talk to everyone. networking is important here, as someone usually knows someone, etc, etc.

Perhaps even though your family may not help you with a place to live, is there a chance that you could offer to do some sort of work, in exchange for your kitties to stay there while you find your way out of this nightmare that is a dead end street?

alleycat allies, is a national group. you might be surprised at the help you can find, if you look hard enough.

womens shelters can help you to escape from where you are. you can find a job, save your money, and get your own place.

I can hear how much you want a better life for yourself. dont give up. its possible. I am glad to hear that you seem to know the truth about this guy...no illusions of him changing for you, etc. hopefully he will get help.

keep looking. call womens advocate groups. vet offices sometimes know people who foster . try all of them.
hang in there, and use your strength and courage. you will find you are stronger than you think. and your life can get better. Stick around, we can support you through this.
hugs,
chicory

Txhelp

One step at time...I know it's all ovewhelming.

Take things in steps...first your priority seems your cats/fostering. Post an ad on Craiglist or as the previous poster contact womens group/shelter for foster care for them.

Then get out of dodge! Get on a waiting list; womens shelter etc. It's tough but you will feel a sense of relief, albeit fear, when you leave. It's natural.

ChloeRose63

There is always hope and help to get you out of your situation. Keep telling your story and letting people know you are looking for an opportunity to make a better life for you and your cats. Don't be discouraged. You will be amazed what opportunities will open up when you let people know what you want and what you need. Stay strong and believe that you are going to move on to a better place and a life that you dream of. Keep reaching out. ♡CR

Txhelp

I agree ChloeRose....it wasn't until I reached out for others did I get a response.

I always thought I had to suck-it-up and do-it-myself.....then there came a point when I had no choice but to ask for help.

Guess what? They came through in flying colors. Not everyone helped that I expected either!