Pia

All week I have been extra hormonal if you get my drift.

I have been a mess but knowing it's because of the hormones so I have been focused knowing it too shall pass.

That was up till 5 minutes ago.
I have to see AH next week for a meeting. We talked last night and he was on and on how good it was too talk to me. I kept it short what we need to discuss

I was feeling low and stupid me checked his account and guess what saw ,the naked girls the accumulation of his collection.

I keep telling myself STOP STOP STOP non of your business. Practice what you preach arghhh

I was shaking picked up the phone and said some things. Now he knows I have his info

Dang it!!!

I don't know why it still bothers me knowing for 1) he has the right to live his life how he feels fit and 2) Stay on my side of the road.

I hate being a woman one week a month.

How do I recover from this?

Pelican

I'm sorry you feel down right now. It's tough dealing with alcoholic loved ones. They can turn us into someone we don't like being.

You asked how will you recover from this.
For me, I had to forgive myself and take the rest - one day at a time

Pia

Thank you Pelican- I had to step back and think about what led me up to this.

I was watching Divorce Court and the guy was saying such nice things about his wife who was divorcing him. I haven't had a compliment in years from him.

I have been with my AH for 12 years - Found out 6 months ago all these lies and sickness etc.. and he has been out the house 3 months.

I am retraining my mind and I can't do everything perfect.

I had a weak moment and I need to focus on reacting.

Live

It happens, progress not perfection.
Maybe you just needed to remind yourself?
It's over with now, no need to spend any more time on it.
What comforts you when you are hormonal?
For me it is hot tea, a good book and some extra sleep (or used to be, I had PMS bad, am now too old for all that nonsense and don't miss it a bit)
Maybe a comedy and some popcorn? A nice, long, soothing bath?

Pia

Live - I had down time and because I had nothing to do I ended up watching TV.

Lesson learned

Ofelie

Hey...maybe this was meant to happen. Maybe he will change the info, and you won't be able to get into the account since he knows you have it? Maybe then you can stop focusing on it in your low times...you won't be tempted to check since you can't, and then it won't derail you. So, hey everything happens for a reason. You might be kicking yourself now but don't. Just don't. Its ok. And maybe don't watch Divorce Court anymore!

JustAGirl1971

I agree with Ofelie. Now that he knows, hopefully he'll change his passwords thus removing your temptation. I've been apart from my STBXAH not quite as long as you & your AH and I've found that the single best thing to stop the obsessing is to get my own life I wasn't so much obsessing about him as I was obsessing over my mistakes, how the future's going to work out for me/kids, etc, etc. (But then, as soon as he was out I realized how much happier I am without him so that makes it easier for me.) But, seriously, now that I'm going out with friends, family, and/or my children and am busy doing things around my house that have been neglected for so long, I don't have the need or time to worry about what he's doing or even what I'll be doing 2 years from now One day at a time and all that. I've made lots of new friends through alanon who've helped fill up the empty spaces.

Pia

maybe this was meant to happen

I thought the same exact thing. My situation was difficult b/c I thought for years everything was great, not perfect but not bad. Then when I learned who he really was. Never did he admit or had hard proof until that one night it was a wake up call for me.

So I am glad this happened I almost believed him the other night the things he told me.

Side note: This might be horrible to say but I like to watch DC because it reminds me that I am not the only one with problems and sometime I see how there is a beginning and a end and it's ok.

Pia

Thank you JustAGirl1971- I got caught up in the moment that is for sure.

Looking back I can see what I am responsible for.
I took it upon myself to delete the info. I don't want it. I read a post where someone said the Dog returns to the vomit. Yup I did.

For the most part I am fine after I got over that initial hump I think it was 8 weeks or so before the fog began to clear. I wanted to check to see if his words matched what he told me the other night.
I have to learn not to believe in sick people all the time I have the hardest time with that.
example : I went to AA meeting (failed to tell me he drove there walked in and walked out) But he went. . .

Thankfully I only have to see him next week for an hour.

I pulled out my Codependent no more and that helped me a lot
.
I really am glad this happened. I learned more about me and reflecting back on what led up to the moment and how I handled it. I am not proud per say what I said to him but I am not going to hold back the fact I saw he lied. I have been in denial for a long time.

I do like the fact I am getting on with my life more. I do like the fact that I make decisions without always feeling guilty b/c I feel so good.
I love SR to remind me to
Stop : Take the focus off him
Go: and take care of Radiant

hopeful4

You know what, give yourself a break. It's hard. I get it. But you saw what you saw and that is a good thing. You can see that leopards spots don't change.

As you said, lesson learned.

XXX

Pia

Thank you hopeful4- It's interesting how so many people in my life want me to date and find someone new. I keep telling them no, I need to take care of me first,the issues I am dealing with need to be understood. I need to learn and grow from this experience. I don't want to make the same mistake when I am ready to move on and want to see the world and people for who they truly are.

Normies...They just don't quite get it.

lillamy

Yes! Thank you for that -- I should post that on my wall so I see it every day!

atalose

Things happen for a reason, he’s now going to change his passwords and things so you will be forced to stay on your side of the street. Which in fact can only benefit YOU!!! it’s all good!!!

Glass is half full right??

((hugs))

JustAGirl1971

We definitely learn more about ourselves in our failures than we do our successes so it's all good I had a bad night the other night... did not handle an issue with my child correctly. I started out beating myself up. And, I did need to/have to make amends to my child... but it taught us both a few lessons and after reflecting on it, I identified a few new truths about myself. My child forgave me, I've forgiven myself and we're both moving on. That's all we can do, I think

Amen!

airwick

Hi. I'm new to this. What is meant by AH

JustAGirl1971

AH = alcoholic husband
AW = alcoholic wife
STBXAH = soon to be ex alcoholic husband
etc.

airwick

Thanks for the info. I've had my share of AH, I can not say it was all his fault. It does take two. I moved out in Dec 2014...divorced in March. I didn't just get up and leave. I had a very well established plan. A house for my son and myself- a good lawyer- and a great family support system.

I quite drinking on St. Pat's and am now out looking for people to support me on that decision. Taking one step at a time and feel so proud that I'm heading in the right direction

bird13

ah man. Too tempting. I had the password and went into his email last year, when we were broken up and learned my lession. lol. bad idea. It is just stuff that gets the wheels turning in your head!!! It was so painful for me, that I did not sign in there again!! And he accidentally left the email open on my computer and left the house a month ago and I was surprised when I went to use the email. So tempting. I signed out of it though I am glad I did. I mean, I just reasoned that I am on my own path here in separating from this disease... and even if I do see things, then that will lead to other questions, none of which I will ever have the answer to anyway and just drive myself crazy. There is nothing that means anything to them anyway compared to booze!... and the person who was most important next to that, they married and ruined that with or dated and ruined that with! us! so .. in the end we should be jealous of the booze if anything. hope you're feeling better and were able to work through your thoughts and anxiety.

Pia

Thank you. Yes I learned my lesson.

Pia

I didn't want to highjack horriblethisis post on intimacy but I learned that impotency is another effect caused by alcohol.

I don't understand. How is it possible he watches porn, looks at other woman and almost breaks his neck if one walks by. Have a wife whom he doesn't spend any time with and not perform? All those times he would blame me.

I did all that fussin to now learn this is common!!!!
So this had nothing to do with me?????? I am loveable?????