emmsie

Hi guys,

Hope you are all healthy and happy.

I recently travelled to Jersey, Channel Islands to visit some good friends. On the flights there and back (both of which departed around 9am), the people sitting next to me were going to order alcohol from the trolley. Whilst I think people who can drink 'normally' and in safety should be able to freely enjoy an alcoholic beverage, I still feel I cannot be sitting next to someone drinking and didn't expect to be at that time in the morning. I discreetly informed the people that I was in recovery and that I hoped that they wouldn't be offended if I asked to move seats, as it was nothing personal and to enjoy their drinks. Each party said they would have coffees instead and that there was no need for me to move. I felt quite guilty and thanked them for being so kind. One of the gentlemen (travelling alone) had got on the plane smelling strongly of alcohol and was shaking opening the milk for the coffee that I bought for him to say thank-you. I then realised what he might have meant when he said 'Coffee's probably a lot better for me'. I didn't say anything but saw a sadness in his eyes. I hope that he gets the help that he needs one day. I hope to be able to relax about being in drinking company one day but for the time being, I firmly believe that the onus is on me to keep myself safe. Has anyone else experienced anything like this situation or feel uncomfortable around alcohol? I am just over two years sober but am told it takes different amounts of time for different people and to do what I feel I have to in order to keep well.

Thanks,


Emma

jaynie04

I am getting more comfortable around alcohol. I flew up to Maine from NYC yesterday to see my best friend since first grade (42 years, scary). Her husband was having surgery, he has brain cancer. I helped take care of her son today, it was a very long day. Around dinnertime we left the hospital and went to get dinner. There was a pub close by so we had dinner there at a table next to the bar. There was alcohol everywhere, and I would have loved a glass of wine, who am I kidding I would have loved 2 bottles.

I actually felt relieved that it wasn't an option. If I was still drinking I would have been anxious all day about when I could have alcohol, I would have felt tired and stressed and felt I deserved it. Walking into the pub I felt that old anxiety about how much I could have and when it would be brought to the table. She knows I am in recovery, so I didn't have to worry about even being offered a drink.

I just felt relieved that that anxiety is gone. I looked around at all the people at the bar and tables with booze in front of them, but I can't even look at alcohol without that feeling of not enough. It felt like freedom to me, so strange that making a decision to remove something from your life can unburden us so.

When you talked about that guy on the plane next to you it reminded me of that anxiety I just mentioned. My guess is he was probably dying for a drink, but I know what it is like to have it be so early in the day that I didn't want to make it seem like I "needed" it. When I would fly in the front of the plane I would always casually asked for a mimosa (please, a thimble of champagne diluted by orange juice), but at least it was alcohol). Apparently I thought it looked more civil than ordering a triple vodka at 9 am….!

Who knows? Your honesty might have given him a thought about what life might be like without those chains, sometimes the seeds of recovery get planted when we least expect them. I think it is wonderful that you are taking care of yourself, and dealing with sobriety at your own pace. Two years is remarkable so whatever you are doing is working!

emmsie

Thanks so much, Jaynie for taking the time to type and share that. I love everything you've said and it makes a lot of sense to me. Great to hear you felt that feeling of relief and freedom in the bar. I hope your poor friend's husband gets better. I'm sure she is very glad that you are there with her.

Rar

Hi Emmsie.....Two years sober is awesome. I congratulate you on your courage in protecting your sobriety. I thought the story very sad about the gentleman sitting next to you.

yeahgr8

I can't relate to that at all. I was working abroad, living in a Hotel stacking my cans of diet coke on top of the booze in the rooms mini bar to keep them cold at 6 months sober. Like you said it's not a competition or race but I am interested in knowing that other from abstaining from alcohol what work have you done on yourself over the last 2 years to recover from alcoholism?

LBrain

Congrats emmsie, me too about above quote

sugarbear1

xa-speakers.org Paul O. he talks about being on a plane and the guy behind him ordering wine and asking about it....and that magazine article which spoke of the distinct taste of a type of wine.....

Paul O. talks about being a doctor and finding himself in the psych ward of the hospital he worked at......he also wrote one of the stories in the book alcoholics anonymous....doctor, addict, alcoholic or acceptance was the answer........

Dee74

Hey Emma

I think it was really cool of you to offer to switch seats and really cool of them to order coffee.

I think each of us has our own journey and comparing ourselves to others, or them to us, is a little futile and facile.

I'm impressed you're still so protective of your recovery - to me that bodes well for you

D

emmsie

Many thanks to everyone for your comments here. :-) I would like to say to yourself, yeahgr8 that I work on my recovery every day via various means. I have used addiction counselling, AA and SMART recovery in a combination approach as well as engaging in other new-found or resurrected activities and interests, etc for personal development. As you say, it's not a race or a competition but I still struggle to this day with the temptation of alcohol despite it putting me in hospital 4 times. I guess that is indicative of the power and insanity associated with this illness. At least if I am aware of that and understand it, I can work with it. I also get that we all have our own journey here and that's a case of 'different strokes for different folks' and that I have to take it ODAAT, based on my thoughts, feelings and instinct, acknowledging my own patterns of behaviour in the past. One thing remains certain: My sobriety will always come before anyone and anything else in my life. As always, I'm interested to hear how others have worked and continue to work on their own recovery. Anything that helps. :-)

emmsie

Just realised I hadn't mentioned Sober Recovery there! I only discovered this website a few months ago but the forums, chat room and very kind, supportive people on here have helped me so much since and I use it every day. So a big 'Thank-you!' to all of you! x

KateL

Well done and how sad about the man. It is awful when we can feel their struggle on a personal level. The shaking hands bit really got to me xxxx

emmsie

It got to me too, Kate. When I saw that, his problem became all too apparent and I felt so sorry for him. I had a strong feeling that he didn't want me to say anything or offer help but hopefully he'll reach out down the line. xx

yeahgr8

Sounds great! I could have just posted what are you doing in terms of work in hindsight without the diet coke bit!

You are doing a lot more than I have been doing on a daily basis!

emmsie

Thanks, yeahgr8 - that's kind of you to say. I don't do meetings as often nowadays but tap into a variety of resources that I've picked up. What I might need to use in terms of what I've learned can obviously change on a daily basis. Can I ask what it is you do to maintain your sobriety? As I said, this is something that is always of interest to me. :-)

Solar

Hi Emmsie,

Too frequently I see recovering alcoholics who want to hide their sobriety from the world. This strikes me as a little bit ridiculous! They have healthier, happier, richer lives, and yet they want people to think that they're still out there getting hammered? I don't get it.

You, on the other hand, are the opposite of this. You took a stand for your sobriety and did so in a generous, polite, and reasonable way. And you may have given someone who might have been a fellow alcoholic a chance to see someone who is fighting the fight, and winning - yourself. Maybe it will nudge him in the direction of sobriety?

Your story serves as a wonderful example for others in recovery. Well done.

Aellyce

Emmsie, I attended a conference this week and experienced some discomfort around the drinking in the evenings. Well, to be precise, I did not really find alcohol and people drinking it disturbing, but could not really find a good way to deal with some of the situations. The receptions and dinners were OK because there you can always opt for non-alcoholic beverages and no ones cares. However, there is a trend at these conferences that after the evening session and reception is over, people tend to go out to bars in smaller groups. Of course you can skip this, but unfortunately these "bar sessions" are often the best opportunities for networking and discussion as well, so if you skip these you may miss some good opportunities for interaction.

This time I decided to skip going to the bar with colleagues completely because I just felt awkward about it. I think next time I'll try to force myself to go and just order something non-alcoholic, will try to overcome my discomfort about all this. I hope it'll work... It's unfortunate that professional culture revolves around drinking so often!

Biskits

Thank you for sharing. It hit me on a personal level as the man you described reminds me of my dad, who still drinks around me

emmsie

Many thanks for your very kind words, Solar. I really hope the gentleman gets the help at some point. We obviously cannot go around dragging people away from alcohol who we suspect may have problems with it but as you say, we can hopefully plant a seed. :-)

emmsie

Haennie - That is a tough predicament that you're in and I have heard other professionals say very similar things. I really don't envy you. While it's a part of your bread and butter to network in situations that would more than likely involve alcohol, I would personally ask myself if I felt safe in such an environment. I know it's easy for me to say but would there be any way you could ask any prospective contacts to meet with you for coffee/breakfast/lunch the following day so you don't miss out on any possible opportunities? It's just you said you were going to have to try and 'force' yourself to be in an alcoholic situation and I get the impression that you are therefore uncomfortable about it. Again, easy for me to say but your sobriety is the most precious thing.

emmsie

Biskits - I am so sorry to hear that about your Dad. I am taking it that he is not about to stop drinking? If you yourself are in recovery from alcoholism, as hard as it would be, you need to put yourself first and ensure that you are not at risk of going back down that road yourself. I really feel for you and wish you all the best. I really hope that your Dad comes to acknowledge his problem and seeks the help that he needs.