CountryChick

I've debated about posting on here for months. I've been drinking for many many years & I've tried to quit but I never succeed. In 2012 I quit for almost a year. My fiancé kinda gave me an ultimatum so I quit & I felt great. But slowly I got back sneaking a beer here or a beer there. Pretty soon I was getting drunk again. The past month I've been drunk atleast 3 times where I blacked out & don't remember what I did. I've hurt my fiancé & my 13 year old son numerous times because of my drinking. But somehow I continue to justify taking the first drink. But I never just stop at one, I drink til I pass out. Yesterday I decided to go buy a 12 pack & I thought I could just drink a few & be ok. I ended up drinking 10 atleast & my fiancé & son came home to a drunk yet again! I don't remember a lot that happened but I do know that I was hitting my fiancé & he called my mother & sister to come help. And I was hysterical wanting everone to just leave me alone. I cussed everyone & really showed my a**! So today I'm left alone with a terrible headache & so many regrets all because I needed a few beer. Me & my son have talked & I've agreed & promised him I would get help. My fiancé won't answer my calls & will probably come back home to pack all his things. He's the one person in my life who has always been there for me thru everything but he's tired of it! I'm so tired of living a life like this. So it's time, FINALLY!! Today is Day 1 of sobriety & I can use any help along the way. Thanks so much for reading!

Persys

That used to happen to me a lot- buying the 12 pack and thinking I'll have a few while the wife is shopping, except I always drank all of them. I can also totally relate to the melt-down and not remembering why it happened or what was said. That feeling is terrible and I hope you nor I ever have to experience that again.

Welcome to the site, and congrats on your day 1.

Hevyn

Welcome njdellis It's so good to have you with us. I think you'll find it helps to talk things over with those who understand. You never have to be alone.

I was the same as you and Persys. Except by the time I quit (drank 25 yrs.) I was buying 30-packs almost every day. I thought it was a matter of willpower - I wanted so much to be a social drinker, to just 'take the edge off' - but I always ended up drunk and stupid. I was seeking the old feeling of euphoria I once had, but that was many years ago - and I was now drinking alcoholically. I was completely dependent on it in the end. That's when I found SR and the courage to change my life. I'm so glad you're reaching out for support. You can get free and have a wonderful life.

LBrain

welcome, you are not alone

Thepatman

Glad you are here with us.

If like me once you have the first, the break pedal stops working.

Never pick up the first again and you can move forward to a happy life. Easy? Nope, worth it yes. How? With support and constant vigilance.

Sounds like you have a lot of positive things in your life. Have a talk with the people you hurt. Tell them you are ready to walk the talk.

Don't give up, make a plan, get support!

CountryChick

Thank you all so much! I'm so glad you all took the time to respond! I'm thankful for this site!