Jaye

Had 3 days. Drinking today. Not being all “self-pity” about it … I will try again tomorrow.

I’m guess I am annoyed/baffled/confused because I felt like I was putting effort in; felt I had started to do the “right” things (actually trying to seek help, for once). I don’t know why I can’t do this. I need courage to go back to AA, but I am too anxious at the moment.

Anyway ... thanks for listening.

Jaye

ScottFromWI

Why not stop now rather than waiting til tomorrow Jaye? It wont' make it any easier.

SoberLeigh

Why not cut your losses, call it a night and head off to bed. And by all means, start again tomorrow.

We are behind you.

PamperingMe

I went to a meeting today where someone said he made it a year (Sunday) then drank. He got his 24 hour chip today. I thought it was so brave to admit that. I told him how much I admired his courage. It took me 2 years to go back after my first slip that led to 2 more years of drinking. I'm finishing up day 14. It's hard. You can do it though.

Dee74

Hi Jaye

Many of us falter a time a two...I know it's hard to accept when you've put effort in, but it's obviously not been enough. You need to do more.

Think about your support. is it enough? do you need more?
do you use the support you have, when you need it?

have you made enough changes in your life to support your commitment to recovery?

D

least

I'm glad you're trying again.

yeahgr8

I can relate to that anxiety of going back to AA, jeez I had anxiety going to AA full stop in the beginning. I used to hide round the corner from the meeting trying to get enough courage to go in sometimes! I can laugh about it now somewhat because AA really is the last place anyone should feel anxious about going to but that's because I know how it works now.

I've met quite a few people that turned up for meetings with a special mineral water or soda to get them through the meeting that now have years of sobriety. I've met lots of people that sat in meetings consistently drinking again after days of abstinence until one day a penny dropped and they wanted to find out more about how the old timers became old timers.

But you have to get to meetings no matter what you think because a part of you wants you to stay away so you can carry on and it will look for reasons and find people to back it up. You wouldn't even be mentioning AA if you were not looking for a way to stop once and for all you would be trying to stop again by yourself.

BrendonM

Hey, we all slip up. I don't even feel shame half the time. S**t happens, you'll get better, don't treat this as a failure, just think of it as a bump in the road.

Jaye

Thanks everyone

Dee, you are totally right. I appreciate your honesty. And being honest with myself ... I wasn't doing enough, no. And I need to make more changes, not just "expect" everything around me to fall into place. Thank you.

yeahgr8, I used to hide round the corner from my meetings, too - can totally relate to that. And you are right: AA is always in the back of my mind at the moment. I know there are so many people who use AA and find the strength to stop once and for all. If I didn't want that, I wouldn't be thinking about it; you're right. I will get there eventually.

I feel positive today. No drinking. Lots of distractions. Thanks for your help and support, guys.

Jaye

Brad41989

Keep your head up not everyone is perfect you have to start somewhere. Where the path is rocky though it may hurt your feet to walk on, eventually softer terrain will touch your feet once again one step at a time and don't look back for moving forward will only help you forget the dreariness of the past keep in trying!

Marjoram

We are all living proof that we can't give up. And most importantly, we need others. That was my biggest downfall is not going to the right people for help. I kept looking inside and asking my husband (who drinks) for help. But, I decided it's now time to not involve him, and just focus on me when it comes to this part of my life. I also admitted to my brother of my problem (which was very painful and emotional), and it's the best thing I ever did. AA is in the works. So, the fact you've gone is inspiring to me, as I tend to get the anxiety attacks over those types of things. Take care and be well.

huntingtontx

Good for you getting up and moving on. We only fail if we quit trying. You can do this. We are all here to walk with you. Big Hug.

Stoogy

Hi Jaye,
Don't get too downhearted about this, the fact that you want to quit is massive in itself, you can't win a war if you don't want the battle!
All the best Jaye.
Stuart.

Thepatman

You can do this Jaye! Lot's of great advise here already.

Rock on!!