Butterfly

So I decided to practice what everyone calls putting in boundaries. My husband has been texting me night night xx every night since he left me 4 weeks ago I have been looking forward to it every night and I get my hopes up and think he misses me and will come home but at some point he will stop and then I will panic. So I told him to stop as it wasn't fair I have also told him I don't want to see him until he is due to come round for Easter Sunday. Putting in boundaries was harder than I thought but I know following through will be harder but I have to he needs to know he can't pick me up and put me down whenever he feels like.

I need some distance from him as well to try and to rebuild myself.

ladyscribbler

I have to he needs to know he can't pick me up and put me down whenever he feels like.

Damn straight! You're worth more than that. Good for you!

NoelleR

"...So I told him to stop...I don't want to see him..."

Remember, boundaries are for you NOT for him; we can't control what others do, only if, or how, we respond. In other words, he can text all he wants, you don't have to read or respond......until Easter.

(o:
NoelleR

itsmylifenow

Yep, boundaries are definitely for us and our sanity. Good for you for realizing you couldn't continue doing what you were doing and placing that boundary on him.

I'm working on getting mine in place as we speak. Thought I had them in place but had a few moments of weakness and those walls came right down! Just got to put them back up

Butterfly

Maintaining the boundaries are hard especially if like me you've been used to trying to help all the time. Good luck.

hopeful4

Good for you. You have said what you mean, now mean what you say. Keep your boundary in place for your own wellbeing.

wanttobehealthy

I think your plan sounds great. The only possible problem is that you can't control whether he will actually stop texting you or not.

I told my now xAH to not text me many many times and he always stopped for a while then restarted.

Finally, I realized (thanks to some update on my phone) that I could just block his number as I saw fit and that's what I do.

Psalm5110

Boundaries have been hard for me, too, but sticking to them has helped so much since I discovered his secret drinking a week and a half ago. Since my husband is in deep denial, we are living apart and I refuse to talk with him about anything other than our son and household budget issues. I will not have any conversations about our relationship outside of a counseling setting, period. It is so hard, especially because I love and miss him...but it is all necessary.

Butterfly

I am struggling to stick to mine I just want to ring him or text him not about the kids but about us. I am scared that he will forget about me or won't want to come home!! I know that sounds silly but I love him and miss him but I also know I can't have him home if he's going to continue drinking. I was driving myself nuts with all the questions I wanted answers to and all I got was I'm sorry I just want to be on my own!!!

I needed to set the boundaries for me to to protect myself and give myself some time to myself.

I was told recently by someone here that the why's and it's don't matter even having all the answers won't make this any easier.

I've just lasted one day and it was hell. I only texted once about stuff my son needed for his trip away next week that he is supposed to be getting and I needed to make sure it was sorted!

Baby steps & stay strong

Psalm5110

Yes, stay strong, Confused! Want to hear something a bit laughable? My husband said, "The longer you draw this out, the harder you're going to have to fight to get me back."

Seriously?!? I don't want the addict back and I won't be fighting for *that* man. I'll be fighting for the man I know he is, deep down, but he has to yank that man back up to the surface first.

But given that my boundary is that I will not have these types of conversations outside of counseling, my response was simply, "I understand." Nothing more. I'm fairly proud of myself that I did not fly off the handle at him, given the absurdity of that statement.

jacrazz

Hard part for me as well since im "MOM" to everybody!

Butterfly

Yes psalms that is laughable!!! I'm like you I would fight for the man I know my husband is and can be but he has to fight for us first and show me he will stop drinking I know he won't though the alcohol has such a hold over him.

ladyscribbler

My husband said, "The longer you draw this out, the harder you're going to have to fight to get me back."

LOL Psalm5110. That is EPIC quacking! Sounds like you have some awesome boundaries. I don't know if I could have taken that in stride. I would have laughed till I peed myself if I heard that from my ex.

http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/...-quackers.html