Psalm5110

Hello. Here's my story: just over a week ago, I discovered my husband is a functioning alcoholic who has been drinking in secret. I estimate this has been going on for about two years, when he developed a mysterious health issue that caused him to look and act drunk when he had *not* been drinking. Sounds silly that I could believe that, right? But I did and unknowingly enabled him the entire time...until I discovered his stashes of liquor hidden in the garage and basement.

He denies everything. He hasn't been drinking. Half of those bottles aren't his, and there's a "good" reason for the rest of them being concealed where they are. I asked him to leave, so he is staying with his parents. We have a 2.5 year old son and I am 31 weeks pregnant with our second child. Because we had been in counseling (due to the toll his mysterious illness was taking on our marriage), he went to see our counselor last week. I suppose that is progress...but he is still in denial and if I hadn't refused to discuss our relationship outside a counseling appointment, he would still be trying his hardest to convince me he is telling the truth.

I recognize the lies and manipulative techniques...I've been to Al-Anon and will continue attending...I'm seeing a new counselor...everyone says I am doing the right things, but my heart is just broken. I'm here hoping to learn and seek advice along the way. I love him so much and want us to get through this, but I understand that I can't control anything but my own path at this point.

Thepatman

I think you have done everything at your disposal to address the situation in a healthy way. I can imagine this is hard, specially being while pregnant.

As you already know, the ball is in his court now.

I sincerely hope he wakes up on time. He's lucky you are supporting him and attending Alanon.

Thepatman

Ho, Welcome to SR, how impolite of me.

Take care and be kind to yourself and the little one ;-)

FreeOwl

I'm sorry you find yourself in this situation and I hope that your husband will find a break in the clouds that it sounds like are currently obscuring his vision.

Focus on the help and support you can get for YOU, and trying to communicate your honest concerns and love to him. The unfortunate thing is that most of the time alcoholics won't come to acceptance with their problem on anyone's timeline but their own.

Make sure you're doing what is right for you and your children.

That is all - unfortunately - you can do.

Wastinglife

I tried to hide my drinking from my girlfriend at the time but I was never fooling her. She could tell just by the sound of my voice if I had been drinking. I tend to talk slower and deeper after a few drinks. When confronted, I usually admitted it after being grilled for a few minutes. I was never in denial about my alcoholism, but I kept thinking I could fix myself.

Sounds like your husband is in deep denial. I mean, if you're finding hidden bottles you know aren't yours and he still refuses to tell the truth, then he probably has himself convinced that he can control his drinking still. He is gonna need help to get better.

Kris47

Take care of you and the children. Be kind and as supportive as you can be under these misleading circumstances. Hopefully, he'll come clean with you and you can begin from there.

honeypig

Hi, Psalm5110--glad you found your way to SR. I've learned a lot and gotten a lot of support here over the past year and hope you find the same.

Glad to hear you're involved in Alanon. I think it's important to have some face-to-face support, too.

Here at SR, you might like to visit these sections of the forum: Friends and Family of Alcoholics - SoberRecovery : Alcoholism Drug Addiction Help and Information

and

NEW!12-Step Support for Friends and Family - SoberRecovery : Alcoholism Drug Addiction Help and Information

Again, welcome, and wishing you strength and clarity.