shauninspain

My partner is going to visit her family next Saturday. Leaving me on my own. For the last 10 years, when this has happened, I have always seen this as an opportunity to drink. It has been a window of opportunity one might say. And one that I have looked forward to. This practice has led me into great difficulties. I have either become very ill and incapacitated. Or, I have gotten into trouble with the law. However, I would always start to drink literally on the way home from the bus/railway station. With no thought of the consequences. Like all alcoholics I have repeatedly believed that I will be able to control and enjoy my drinking.

This time something has changed, and for the first time I am fearing her leaving. Within the last year I gotten into terrible trouble with the local police force on 2 occasions (with my partner here), and for 8 months didn't know if I was going to go to prison or not. It finally turned out that I was given a huge fine, which has wiped me out financially. Nevertheless I am free.

I know however, that if I should get in trouble again I would be going straight to jail without any chance of a fine. I have been feeling very out of sorts these last days and I realized that I am fearing next week. There is a local AA meeting here and I really should get in contact with them, and go to the meetings.

Anyway, does anyone have experience of being on ones own, and stopping that habit of binging, when the possibility arises. It's strange but this really is the first time that I have felt scared of commencing to drink. The stakes are far to high for me to take that gamble.

Dee74

Hi Shaun

There's no reason why you should drink if you don't want to and you're willing to put in a little effort this weekend.

Make plans now. Organise support. Think of strategies. You can do this.

D

Nonsensical

A few weeks ago I traveled and stayed in a hotel by myself - which in the past was always a time to remove any pretense of constraint and drink with reckless abandon. I knew that AV would be barking, so I mentally prepared in advance for what I would do in the evening instead of drinking.

It worked fine.

What I hadn't expected was that my AV remained fired up for about 10 days afterwards. I was home then, and just plowed through on my normal routine, but I was thinking about drinking more than usual. Even having dreams about it, which I hadn't had in a while. It was a little weird. So - YOU CAN DO THIS, just be prepared for some AV aftershocks, as well.

Good Luck!

least

Use it as an opportunity to stay sober no matter what the circumstances!

wehav2day

Shaun, I used to be just like that. As soon as I was away from my partner or she was away from me, I was "free" to drink as much as I dared. I think we both know that isn't free at all, it's miserable.

This last Christmas, my partner was out of country for 2+ months. I was terrified I would drink. So I got as much support as possible. On here of course, but also face to face.

We don't plug particular recovery methods here in newcomers but... You mentioned aa. I would get my a$$ to a meeting ASAP. You don't have to join, you don't have to say a word, you don't have to talk to anyone if you don't want to. But sitting in a room full of other alcoholics when I feel like you do has saved me on many occasions.

You can do this!

ScottFromWI

I think your plan to check out AA meetings would be a great idea. If nothing else it will give you some accountability while you are alone. And remember, you have absolute control to choose not drink while she is away. There is no inevitability about it, if you don't want to drink...just don't. Use SR as we'll...there is always someone here 24/7

ontherightpath

This past fall, my mother in law took my kids on a two day mini vacation and my husband was working out of town. I took full advantage to launch myself into a painful obllivion. I ordered out, bought a box of wine, and parked myself on the couch. I woke up first at 1130 pm, wasted, with two containers of food in front of me, and a very very vague recollection of a delivery person. I poured a glass to that. and then another and then passed out again. awoke at 4 am, burping up a gyro, and chardonnay. continued to drink until 8 am, at which time i panicked, because i was supposed to work at 10 am. i literally freaked out. and texted my boss, who is a good friend of mine, and told her i was a mess and wasnt going to come in. I just couldnt. told her i was hungover... and then took a shower and drank a couple more glasses. I did this on and off all day, until my husband (who thinks i can control my consumption on his queue) came home and found me in a state of drunk/hungover..... it was then i reached out AGAIN, and considered rehab. In those days, I spoke with my mother in law and to this day, have no idea what our conversation consisted of.

I hate hate hate being alone. and when my mind isnt right, I hate it even more. Thank the lord that I have found the path to sobriety again. I do not EVER want to revisit those terrible nights again. EVER! I think that I would rather die than live thru that again!

Now, if the kids are gone over night and the husband has other plans, I go to a meeting. I stay out and get coffee, I avoid the grocery store at all costs and I take some sleeping meds to get me through it. I cant get into much trouble if i am sawing logs!!! best of luck to ya!

MnEman

Same here, used to be the best/worst drinking I did. I would plan all week, and then end up wasted on the couch, the whole weekend ruined with a hangover. I also would start on the way home with a ritualistic stop at the liquor store for 2 or 3 of my favorite kinds, then would be slurring drunk within 30 minutes of getting home. I even had to talk her into going once when something changed and she almost didn't go! Got so bad near the end I had to limit what I bought so I wouldn't poison myself. Anyway, yes it is a huge trigger, but if you are serious about sobriety, it is a huge opportunity, and you will feel very proud waking up feeling good that first Saturday, with no regrets. You can do it.

Croissant

Dee and others are right. Make a plan. Get to meetings, reach out to someone there and tell them what you are struggling with. In the beginning, I'd do anything to take my mind off drinking, go for a walk, eat a huge meal so drinking would be pointless....anything, just something that wasn't drinking. It's hard, for sure....but sooooo worth it.

I am wishing you strength to get through this. You can do it.

EndGameNYC

Have you been drinking up to this point, or have you been sober?

shauninspain

Many thanks for all of your replies. I have been sober since January 1st. On that occasion it was me that went away. Apart from losing my suitcase with all my clothes etc nothing particularly bad happened. But I consider myself to have been very lucky. You're all right I have to make plans and know what I am going to be doing. Just leaving things up to fate would be crazy. If I can get through this it will a big achievement. I need to take ownership of my own recovery and do it for myself. I am going to get in touch with the local AA for sure. Thanks again for your wise words.

Marcher13

Shaun this is not about your partner going away, this is about you deciding that you won't let your AV run the show in her absence. How long will she be gone and what could you do in her absence to make both of your lives better? She's not going to be worrying about you from Saturday is she?

LadyBlue0527

Over the past month and a half there was the extreme possibility that my marriage was going to end. That I was no longer going to be with my husband.

It was at that point that I fully realized that I use him as a safety net in sobriety. That if I were not with him that the possibilities to drink would be endless. That was scary because I could see myself beginning to conjure the thought of picking up. The all dreaded reasoning that perhaps I only became the way I was with drinking was because I was so unhappy.

Then I played the tape. Not just for one evening or even one weekend of drinking but as far out as I could. It wasn't pretty and I had to be honest, my life would once again turn to crap. I had to remind myself that this time I did this for ME. Unconditionally.

Are you willing to do the same?

Picture that jail cell and picture yourself there. Is that where you really want to be? It sounds like you've got some priors going on there too so I'm guessing that it won't be for a really short period of time? Is that what you want for yourself?

On the positive you came here to post because you're afraid.

Turn the statement of what you " really should" do into what you "will" do to get through the time period.

You have a right to be afraid. Take a deep, long look at what alcohol has done to your life.

You CAN do this. Plan now, don't contemplate, PLAN.

Again, you CAN do this. The more you plan ahead of time the better the odds are that you won't do it.