Bernadette777

Ok, it's OFFICIAL... It's ONE MONTH since I sent the exAbf a text.. To which he didn't even respond... Such a gentleman huh? Well, here I am blessed with friends here who have helped me & continue to do so on a daily basis. I thank you all with all my heart, God bless all of you & may your hearts be healed, families restored, prayers answered & sobriety for your loved ones. Now- here is the catch- do I send him a "I figured I'd say hi text" thoughts? Xo Bernadette777

spiderqueen

My advice, do not contact him. He didn't respond the last time; his silence was a gift. You are free, you are on your way.

Full disclosure: I stayed in text/phone contact with my Xabf, and speaking from experience, I do not recommend it. It simply postpones-confuses-delays- your growth and healing.

Best wishes to you, as well.

dandylion

Bernadette777---Puleease, don't do it. This would amount to intermittent reinforcement for your "addiction" to him. And, that is the worst kind--like pulling off the scab before the wound is completely healed. You have done sooo well and wouldn't want a set back.

One day---it wont' even matter to you. I promise.

Good show.

dandylion

Bernadette777

Hi Spiderqueen & Dandylion,

Thank you both. I will be tough. I promise. I feel like almost doing it to **** him off- can ya tell I'm still ticked at his rudeness! But also, I understand that the distance is healthy for me. I do feel free. And i pray that God has a better bloke on the horizon. Amen.

Pia

Bernadette777- Please think about delete his phone number, email , social media contact etc.

If you can't right now, how about renaming his name from example John Doe to Parasite or Alcoholic etc. something where you will see it and mentally pause.

Bernadette777

Thank you Radiant, I love the "parasite" new name. That name suits him to a tee! What a jerk to not even respond. His non response shows me I don't even matter..damn that's cold. Thank you again Radiant, your response radiates with good stuff

Pia

One of the many things I learned about myself is when I am bored or have too much time on my hands I would think of AH and the thought of what is he doing would often play over and over in my head.
I forced myself to stay busy. I did things that were completely out of my comfort zone.

I use to hate running not an exercise person I have asthma . I would force myself to run even if it was barely moving. now I love it and can't imagine not running in my life.

I hate reading so I forced myself to buy books and read and research. I learned allot about the dead sea and salt

I'm allergic to cats so I volunteer at the animal shelter helping the doggies

My point is when I have down time is when the loneliness would creep back in.

If you keep going backwards that is where you will always stay.

Rosiepetal

Carry on with no contact, you have done so well with 1 month so far.

suncatcher

Radiant, great advice ! I used to rename my XABF in my cell phone to deter me from calling or texting and it helped! I also like how you stayed busy doing things out of your comfort zone. Bernadette777, kudos for staying no contact 1 month! Keep going you will feel better in the long run. If you call and he is rude again which is very likely, you will feel bad again. Do something for you instead!

Live

I think it was around the 30 day mark or maybe it was 6 weeks, but my mind started to clear. I had autonomy and serenity and I began to be able to see more objectively the total insanity I had been living. It took stubborn pride at first not to call and soon enough I did not want to anymore.

Thinking

Congratulations, Bernadette! Well done on moving so far on your journey. Rather than text him, why don't you buy yourself a reward? Even a magazine or bangle - just a sign that this is about you and not him now. :-)

Bernadette777

Hi Everybody,

Just wanted to say thank you all for your support & kind words to me for not reaching out to the exAbf. I still can't believe he's this damn rude & thoughtless, but he has his booze & drugs to keep him warm. I gave him sound advice...they give him happiness. That's fine. He's an idiot at this point. I guess I'm feeling a little angry at him for being so dismissive of me- shame on him- moron. Anyway, thanks friends, I appreciate your support. Xoxo Bernadette777

itsmylifenow

Good for you on one month! It's amazing how long it feels when you're going through it, but once you get there the time goes by much faster

With my xxabf we would get to around 3 weeks and one of us would break down and contact the other. After 10 times of this I was determined I was going to make it the full month. Once I hit that I knew we were really done. Now, it's been about a year and a half. Time flies!

Congrats again to you! <3

Bernadette777

Hi Itsmylifenow,


Thank you, I'm grateful for your wisdom & appreciate your words, one month..it's a start. Still would like to send a "I remember" text to put him to shame... I know, I know.,heheh don't feel shame. Ugh! Thanks thou