Jade1224

Hello friends.

I haven't been on SR in a few days. I really needed a break. I think the whole "alcoholism is a disease that can never be cured" has been too much for me to handle. It is so depressing and not how I want to see myself.

I feel as if by constantly classifying myself as an alcoholic that has to focus on sobriety 100 percent or I will fail is hurting me rather than helping me.

At AA meetings i hear terrible things. I also hear a lot of inspirational things. Everyday I would come on SR and Read tragic stories of grief, pain, confusion, heartbreak, or relapse. Sometimes I will read amazing stories of success, happiness, and clarity through sobriety. No matter what kind of story it is it is always an emotional one. Does all of it get to be too much for you?

This week I have decided I no longer want to obsess over alcohol or my sobriety.. I refuse to let alcohol waste any more of my time than it already has.

I am tired of giving it my undivided attention. The truth is, I am tired of working on my sobriety. It drains me and i don't need a constant reminder of all my past mistakes. I want to move forward and not look back on my times with alcohol. I want to pretend like nothing ever happened. By trying to constantly HEAL I feel as if I am poking at the wound and making it worse, If that makes sense. I feel like if I let it go I can finally find peace.

With all this being said, I love everyone on SR and you guys have helped me more than you know. I needed friends in my time of need and you were all there for me. I am feeling stable and healthy now and I know a lot of that is because of the support I have here.

But I feel like I want to spread my wings and fly. I want to live my life ... sober of course, but without a constant reminder of alcohol and all the pain it brings.

jdooner

Jade - I have commented on some of your posts and read about some of your struggles. Perhaps you know what is best, I am just a virtual stranger. However, with limited sober time "pretending like nothing has happened" is a recipe for disaster if the goal is sobriety.

Do I understand the need to focus on the positive and not partake in the "drunkalogs" of epic fails? Sure, most definitely. However, I am guessing you drank for longer than your sober and if you are an alcoholic o an addict than trivializing the disease/disorder will only lead back to the same ugly place that brought you to SR to begin with.

That said, we all find recovery in different forms and there is no one size fits all. So I wish you the best and encourage you to share your success or failures with others here, as it could serve to help others partake or avoid based on your experiences.

Thepatman

Hi Jade,

"alcoholism is a disease that can never be cured". This is subjective my dear friend.

If you don't pick up a drink ever again what will happen to your health? Nothing but positive things, right? So why call it a decease? Call it an allergy if you must, just stay away from Cats / Drinks? LOL! A lot of people on this heart don't drink.

About reading here, you can choose your Threads. Don't read the dramatic ones if they affect you in a negative way. Just read the yy days of accomplishments!

Lastly, you are not condemned at thinking about not drinking for the rest of your life. With time you will only think about it once in a bleu moon. What you don't see here on SR, are the many many people that have gone on with their life’s sober and happy.

Live long and prosper ;-)

Sulu1

Jade, you can be sober and not have to obsess over it. Take the advice from many of the success stories here, it gets better! You are so early in your sobriety, as am I, but thinking about it all day every day would make anyone fed up. Do you not have any hobbies to take your mind of things? I'd be wary of distancing yourself from SR so early on. I did the same and all I was doing was setting up for a relapse. Take care, go have some fun!

Also the whole 'alcoholism is a disease that can never be cured' is not universally accepted anyway. Maybe take a look at SMART OR AVRT. Just my 2 cents

doggonecarl

And where did that get you? You're a couple days sober.

If you can stay stopped by not thinking about alcohol and not working on your recovery, come back and tell us how that worked for you.

For me, it was recovery 24/7 until the obsession finally lifted. And it did lift.

Now sobriety isn't "work" It's how I live.

Good luck.

Bilr44

Everyone's recovery is their own but I would be hesitant to have no support at all. Relying on my myself did not work in the past and it was only until I found the support here that I've been able to remain sober for as long as I have. On one level it is depressing to read about relapses, but on another level it does make me think that I never want to go back there. You don't need to be on here every day, maybe just the times you are feeling vulnerable?

afloatsober

Jade
Know exactly where you are coming from. I don't think about drinking everyday, but i do attend to my recovery daily. When i stop doing that, i drink. I recently asked a sober friend (28 years sober) what was the secret of long term recovery because that is what i want and need.
Constant vigilance was the answer that she gave me.
Gx

Hevyn

Hi Jade. I do understand how you're feeling - I felt that way frequently during my first year sober. It all changed though. It's been a long time since I obsessed over not drinking or being sober. ThePatman's right - it only crosses my mind once in a bleu/blue moon. There will come a time when recovery won't require your undivided attention. We don't have to wander around morbidly in the past - just remember what we've been through so we won't repeat it.

As usual, there's great advice here already. We're all different - for me, being here and choosing the threads I particpate in is what I need to do. If you feel it's holding you down, then do what you must - but know that we love you too & we'll always be here when you need us.

deeker

If we could have done this by ourselves we wouldn't be here.

Your sober just a few days right? We have a serious affliction and it should not be taken
lightly like it's a mosquito bite that will just go away.

Maybe you better read that post a few weeks ago the taxi, the purse, etc

Seems you may have a little short term memory loss which all alcoholics do. You don't sound
like someone who had just a little problem and you are now minimizing it away.

I agree some of the posts are negative or stressful. If so why not spend only a few minutes
in here each day if it bothers you.

Read only positive posts with positive titles. You can't just wish away alcoholism. But like someone
else said let us know if it works out for you, and if it doesn't please come back and tell us, for by
doing so you will be helping a lot of the newcomers here.

Hope you don't have to learn the hard way. Was no fun for me.

By the way you have ignored all the positive support I have tried to give you which is fine.
I just think you are not ready to quit yet.

LBrain

I am tired of giving it my undivided attention. The truth is, I am tired of working on my sobriety. It drains me and i don't need a constant reminder of all my past mistakes. I want to move forward and not look back on my times with alcohol. I want to pretend like nothing ever happened. By trying to constantly HEAL I feel as if I am poking at the wound and making it worse, If that makes sense. I feel like if I let it go I can finally find peace. Jade

Well my dear, hmmm. Whether or not alcoholism is a disease - it is subjective as stated. However, if it IS present at the moment then I would say yes, it is a sickness for sure. And until you are free from whatever ails you if it is as serious as this, then in my opinion, you should devote quite a bit of attention to it. Whatever method works for you to get through this is up to you. But you can't just forget and move on thinking you're going to be a happy camper from here out. More power to you if you can pull it off. Be wary though. Until you have some serious time sober, your thinking can get you into trouble. You do not have to dwell on the past or label yourself as hopeless. But being able to learn in life sometimes requires bad experiences.
If you have ever burned you hand on an electric stove you know what I mean. Good luck. Stick around. Some people will go to a certain restaurant because there is only one thing they really like on the menu. Think about it.

heath480

Sorry Jade but that sounds a recipe for disaster.

Jade1224

Thanks everyone. As usual you are right. I am not making drastic decisions i just wanted to express how I feel.

Ever since I accepted that I am an alcoholic I do feel down about myself - which is new to me. I am usually bursting with self acceptance. I am a big believer in "loving yourself" no matter what but lately since i have been working on recovery it is increasingly hard to practice what I preach.

I guess I am just looking for a balance as some of you have said. I don't know what the answer is. I am Looking for happiness as well as HEALTHY sobriety.

I feel like what I am doing isn't working. The last few days that I have let it be have been the happiest in months. I didn't WANT to drink at all. I know its probably me just burying my head in the sand but now I am reluctant to go back to aa or think about recovery.

Thanks for listening and as usual all the great advice

ScottFromWI

I can't speak for everyone, but what you wrote above is exactly what led me back to drinking, every single time. Many times when you feel you don't need help anymore is when you actuallly need it most.

As some have mentioned, it does get better with time. I cant' say exactly when it happened for me, but when I wake up in the morning and for most of the day, drinking alcohol ( or not drinking it ) really isn't even something that enters my thought process anymore. I do spend time on SR nearly every day just to keep my head in the right frame of mind, but for the most part I just live my life now as someone who doesn't drink and that's good enough for me.

deeker

There are a lot of people who don't practice what they preach. I have only been clean and sober since Dec 27th 2012.

In General

I see so many people on SR with 1 week sobriety telling others what they need to do to stay sober. Telling them how to work the program of AA, or how to master the technique of quieting the AV voice.

It really kinda upsets me. If people are new to recovery, stick around , read others posts and learn, encourage other people, tell them you are rooting for them but please don't tell others what to do to stay sober with so very little recovery yourself.

Most of the time when I see that, the person giving out all the advice is gone 4 days later or has not been able to maintain a month sobriety themselves.

I knew someone once who was claiming they had several months clean and sober on one post . Then on another post said they were high on anti depressants and abusing them and receiving them from 2 different sources. Which is none of my business.

But I do have a passion for recovery and to see that same person telling someone on another thread how to master the AV or how wonderful sobriety is, it drives me crazy. I'm just ranting now. But when you said that about practicing what you preach that just bothers me when people do it and I have seen it.

But again, another situation I am powerless over. God Bless!

Dee74

I struggled for years because I could not accept I was an alcoholic - but even more than that I could not accept that being an alcoholic meant I had to change my life.

But doing nothing about it just made the problem bigger, not smaller.

There are hundreds of people here living happy, peaceful, joyful lives Jade - sober lives.

Quitting drinking is not an end, I promise- it's a beginning

D

Adnamaeel

I'm glad you checked in, and I certainly understand needing to find your own way through things. I know for myself, what I need is not the same from one day to the next. I hope you keep your options and your mind open, and that you don't let how you feel today effect your taking advantage of what's available to you tomorrow.