Aiko

Was depress again smoking way and was on my 4th pill over medicating again...
was starting to feel it... the sleepiness and was going to take more...
when the soul starts sinking and touches the floor and your body is above...
God I want to feel it

Amazingly....
I manage to get up have a coffee and run over 14 km.
I have not gone running since my relapse at Christmas.
After 4 months I was able to run... I got even a blister...
I smoked my last cigarette after and I decided that is it!
So tomorrow I will be up the walls!

I am under a lot of pressure I got to go to a court case to defend my company and some want to shred me...
nothing will happen to me. But I was the accounts manager and am in the middle of it!
I am worried I wont be able to get through it and relapse again...

I am scared to to come off the pills and won´t be able to stay sober/clean.
They keep me stable! and I have been on antidepressants over year...
I am supervised by the drugs centre now but I can not go much due to work!

I have to take one anxiety pill in the morning and evening!
and is so hard to control some days...
I am supposed to have a registry of how many I take.
I keep punishing my liver the doc is warning me!!!

But I can feel I am changing...
Today I was able to stop it and I feel good about it!

Gilmer

Hang in there. I will be praying for you. You have come so far. Keep going!

Finnie

Break it down.
1. Meds. You are taking under medical supervision. Stop stressing about them in the short term. Let it go. You can fight that battle when your doctor tells you to stop them.
2. Work problems. To some extent your work problem will be there no matter what you do. Drunk or sober. It might be insurmountable it might not. You just gotta keep wading through the ****.
3. Alcohol. The only thing in your control. Just don't pick up for 1 day and take it a day at a time.
Remember, no matter what happens tomorrow is another day. You can always start again.
Best of luck

Aiko

Thank you,

I am finding it hard to control myself...
and I do not cope well under pressure...
I always get something to cope and am finding it hard!

My mum had a small stroke no long ago, my dad is drinking again, my best friends stopped supporting me bc they can not cope with my problem... and now work problems...
All mounts up... and need to calm down but I have to do it in a healthy way like running!

Do not laugh but I think my PMS drives me crazy once a month...
I am starting to think that I am over sensitive maybe due to that too today.
I feel a lot of anxiety today...

But tomorrow is another day

SoberBike

Feel good about 88 days, that's great!!

Aiko

I feel a bit embarrassed to say this......

But Now I am sure I got really strong hormonal changes!
And I need to take something to cope with myself!
I loose my grip once a month... what a coincidence!
Boys you do not know how lucky you are...

So will have to make a calendar to be warned a couple of days before I have to be ready that it will loose it... so breath in and wait for it to pass!

I was having tests for hyper-thyroid, the doctor thinks it is accelerated.
So maybe i am not going bonkers!!!

thank you for putting up with me.
Big Hug,
Aiko