not going good
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Apr 2014
Location: Wien
Posts: 4
not going good
Hi all,
I have been seriously drinking for five years now, and in fact I have alcohol depence since I was 20. I have tried a lot to stop, I managed to stay sober for six months a couple year ago but I started drinking again. And I have a good drug abuse history. Now I have been living in a foreign country and my social phobia is at its peak, I cannot believe I cannot even move in my flat, got hungry for days, and it has been now two weeks I have been seriously drinking. It is not going well folks, I really feel that I should stop but I simply cannot for I know if I stop what I am going through,that fear makes me crazy. I want to see a psychiatrist but , because of the cost I avoid it,I have been wating for my health insurance. I have been treated in ER for three times, injured my self seriously, I got scars on my face, seriously fell down and hit my head to a rock, I do not even remember what was that. Everyone knows my alcohol abuse in my family, what a shame in new year day my mom took me to hospital because I have been trembling, trying to hide my symptoms but no avail.I got many issues to solve but I cannot do anything, I have no idea what I have been doing, I feel like my brain just stopped working, feel like an idiot. Day and night I pass out, do not remember anything, my flat mate told me that I was drunk and did stupid things that I really do not remember. I want to be social but if I am sober I simply cannot and in fact alcohol does not help anymore, I do not feel fine. I hate those trembling, profuse sweating at the same time you get cold, racing heart, red face etc... When I close my eyes I see some images really horrifying, also I have had so many sleep paralysis in my childhood, and now sometimes. When having withdrawal, it is like a never ending rule that insomnia, it is almost impossible for me to get sleep for days. I have a record I did not, could not, sleep for three days,it was like hell.
So I am here, and I believe you are good people, supportive and experienced.
Now I say to my self this **** has got to end, I really want to live
Thank you guys, I am with you.
I have been seriously drinking for five years now, and in fact I have alcohol depence since I was 20. I have tried a lot to stop, I managed to stay sober for six months a couple year ago but I started drinking again. And I have a good drug abuse history. Now I have been living in a foreign country and my social phobia is at its peak, I cannot believe I cannot even move in my flat, got hungry for days, and it has been now two weeks I have been seriously drinking. It is not going well folks, I really feel that I should stop but I simply cannot for I know if I stop what I am going through,that fear makes me crazy. I want to see a psychiatrist but , because of the cost I avoid it,I have been wating for my health insurance. I have been treated in ER for three times, injured my self seriously, I got scars on my face, seriously fell down and hit my head to a rock, I do not even remember what was that. Everyone knows my alcohol abuse in my family, what a shame in new year day my mom took me to hospital because I have been trembling, trying to hide my symptoms but no avail.I got many issues to solve but I cannot do anything, I have no idea what I have been doing, I feel like my brain just stopped working, feel like an idiot. Day and night I pass out, do not remember anything, my flat mate told me that I was drunk and did stupid things that I really do not remember. I want to be social but if I am sober I simply cannot and in fact alcohol does not help anymore, I do not feel fine. I hate those trembling, profuse sweating at the same time you get cold, racing heart, red face etc... When I close my eyes I see some images really horrifying, also I have had so many sleep paralysis in my childhood, and now sometimes. When having withdrawal, it is like a never ending rule that insomnia, it is almost impossible for me to get sleep for days. I have a record I did not, could not, sleep for three days,it was like hell.
So I am here, and I believe you are good people, supportive and experienced.
Now I say to my self this **** has got to end, I really want to live
Thank you guys, I am with you.
Member
Join Date: Jan 2014
Location: Australia
Posts: 643
Welcome to SR. I'm sorry you are in such a scary place. You have the desire to get better which is a huge thing. Maybe you need to ask for help from your family and be honest about the full extent of your problem and that you are unable to help yourself. Are there any 24 help hotlines you could ring and talk to?
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Apr 2014
Location: Wien
Posts: 4
Thanks for your reply goldcoastgirl
I have no idea whether there is such a help line or not, even if there is, I do not know German yet. I am alone here and do not want my family know about my situation because I do not want them to be sad 
They have had enough of me I think, so I know what is best for me, and as soon as I get my insurance I am going to see a doctor and get help. I used diazepam, alprozolam and SNRIs all of which helped me a lot, they saved me. Now I am trying to taper down which is a vicious circle I know it, still sweating though.
thank you again.
all the best
I have no idea whether there is such a help line or not, even if there is, I do not know German yet. I am alone here and do not want my family know about my situation because I do not want them to be sad 
They have had enough of me I think, so I know what is best for me, and as soon as I get my insurance I am going to see a doctor and get help. I used diazepam, alprozolam and SNRIs all of which helped me a lot, they saved me. Now I am trying to taper down which is a vicious circle I know it, still sweating though.thank you again.
all the best
Member
Join Date: Jun 2012
Location: Gatineau, QC, CA
Posts: 5,100
Sorry you are having such a hard time right now.
Don't play with withdrawal, it's serious business. Can you see a doctor? Are there detox centers you can go to? Worst comes to shove go to the ER and tell them your symptoms. They might keep you for a couple of days, but you have to want to stop.
Your in a save place here, hang in there!
Don't play with withdrawal, it's serious business. Can you see a doctor? Are there detox centers you can go to? Worst comes to shove go to the ER and tell them your symptoms. They might keep you for a couple of days, but you have to want to stop.
Your in a save place here, hang in there!
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Apr 2014
Location: Wien
Posts: 4
Thank you folks
Thepatman, I have searched for detox centers, and surely there are some; however, my main handicap is this bloody money issue, without insurance I fear it will cost too much that I cannot afford, I am a MA student here, Vienna, medical care is expensive. This week I hope I will have my student insurance. Right know I cannot do anything.
many thanks guys you are great.
Thepatman, I have searched for detox centers, and surely there are some; however, my main handicap is this bloody money issue, without insurance I fear it will cost too much that I cannot afford, I am a MA student here, Vienna, medical care is expensive. This week I hope I will have my student insurance. Right know I cannot do anything.
many thanks guys you are great.
Administrator
Join Date: Aug 2003
Location: Dancing in the Light
Posts: 61,502
I do hope that you find a way to get help and to get through the withdrawals safely. Have faith that you can be the person you want to be and know that we are here to support you.
Velveteen Rabbit
Join Date: Sep 2013
Location: San Diego, Cali
Posts: 2,661
Levlor, welcome to SR. You'll find a lot of support here.
I do hope you can find some help to get through withdrawals. Sending prayers your way to Europe....all the way from California.
I do hope you can find some help to get through withdrawals. Sending prayers your way to Europe....all the way from California.
Member
Join Date: Oct 2011
Location: PC
Posts: 148
Ahh, Vienna. I lived there oh it's been years now. When I'd get bored I'd read john Irving books and then jump on the tram and check out the places he described. I'm not sure this is helpful but could be fun.
Member
Join Date: Jan 2014
Posts: 8,637
welcome LeVlor...
sounds like you're in a tough spot. See if you can't get some local support through AA
A.A. Meetings in Austria - Alcoholics Anonymous C.E.R.
sounds like you're in a tough spot. See if you can't get some local support through AA
A.A. Meetings in Austria - Alcoholics Anonymous C.E.R.
Member
Join Date: Nov 2013
Location: against the grain
Posts: 746
Hi LeVLoR, welcome to SR. I'm sorry you are in a tough spot. SR can be very helpful. Lot's of good people here. I was in Wien for a day in 97, so I at least have a visual of where you are.
Keep us posted
Keep us posted
Member
Join Date: Dec 2013
Posts: 45
Hi LeVLoR,
I recommend you take a moment to look at your two problems, and to really work on separating these two problems in your mind.
1. Your alcoholism
2. The fact that you are alone and stressed out in a foreign country
Now that you have done this, I want you to really get into your head that being an alcoholic (problem 1) is in absolutely no way going to help you meet and keep friends and adapt to your new home (problem 2). Think about that for a moment.
With that done, the crucial bit is to fix problem 1. Fix your insurance woes, or go home, or find a way to do it - but do it. Problem 1 is a threat to your education, your living situation with your flatmate, and your life. Once that's done, then you can start to work on problem 2. I would recommend finding some expat groups. If you're a student, there are probably lots of them at your school. And most people, even the German speakers, can probably speak English - in fact, I imagine your classes are in English? Once you're on the road to recovery, I think you will start to adjust and enjoy yourself.
Glad you came and posted here - we are in your corner.
I recommend you take a moment to look at your two problems, and to really work on separating these two problems in your mind.
1. Your alcoholism
2. The fact that you are alone and stressed out in a foreign country
Now that you have done this, I want you to really get into your head that being an alcoholic (problem 1) is in absolutely no way going to help you meet and keep friends and adapt to your new home (problem 2). Think about that for a moment.
With that done, the crucial bit is to fix problem 1. Fix your insurance woes, or go home, or find a way to do it - but do it. Problem 1 is a threat to your education, your living situation with your flatmate, and your life. Once that's done, then you can start to work on problem 2. I would recommend finding some expat groups. If you're a student, there are probably lots of them at your school. And most people, even the German speakers, can probably speak English - in fact, I imagine your classes are in English? Once you're on the road to recovery, I think you will start to adjust and enjoy yourself.
Glad you came and posted here - we are in your corner.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Apr 2014
Location: Wien
Posts: 4
Originally Posted by Solar 
Hi LeVLoR,
I recommend you take a moment to look at your two problems, and to really work on separating these two problems in your mind.
1. Your alcoholism
2. The fact that you are alone and stressed out in a foreign country
Now that you have done this, I want you to really get into your head that being an alcoholic (problem 1) is in absolutely no way going to help you meet and keep friends and adapt to your new home (problem 2). Think about that for a moment.
With that done, the crucial bit is to fix problem 1. Fix your insurance woes, or go home, or find a way to do it - but do it. Problem 1 is a threat to your education, your living situation with your flatmate, and your life. Once that's done, then you can start to work on problem 2. I would recommend finding some expat groups. If you're a student, there are probably lots of them at your school. And most people, even the German speakers, can probably speak English - in fact, I imagine your classes are in English? Once you're on the road to recovery, I think you will start to adjust and enjoy yourself.
Glad you came and posted here - we are in your corner.
I recommend you take a moment to look at your two problems, and to really work on separating these two problems in your mind.
1. Your alcoholism
2. The fact that you are alone and stressed out in a foreign country
Now that you have done this, I want you to really get into your head that being an alcoholic (problem 1) is in absolutely no way going to help you meet and keep friends and adapt to your new home (problem 2). Think about that for a moment.
With that done, the crucial bit is to fix problem 1. Fix your insurance woes, or go home, or find a way to do it - but do it. Problem 1 is a threat to your education, your living situation with your flatmate, and your life. Once that's done, then you can start to work on problem 2. I would recommend finding some expat groups. If you're a student, there are probably lots of them at your school. And most people, even the German speakers, can probably speak English - in fact, I imagine your classes are in English? Once you're on the road to recovery, I think you will start to adjust and enjoy yourself.
Glad you came and posted here - we are in your corner.
I am sleepless right now, I was shaking this morning, had an upset stomach, confusion, tried not to go to pick up booze until this moment. So I did not drink too much right now, trying to stick to beer as slowly as I can. I have already made my plan, I am going to join AA meetings and get medical hepl as soon as possible. I am very glad to be here, and see so many good people
Thank you guys
all the best
Member
Join Date: Mar 2014
Location: PA
Posts: 12,000
A.A. Meetings in Germany - Alcoholics Anonymous C.E.R.
Levlor, since you can log onto this site. Try the link above. Ask for help.
Stay strong and be positive.
Levlor, since you can log onto this site. Try the link above. Ask for help.
Stay strong and be positive.
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