Serenity85

Hi. My name "Serenity" and I am alcoholic. I grew up around alcoholic. My dad, my nanny, both grandfathers, aunts and uncles, eventually my sister and brother. I had my first drink when I was four. My dad poured me a glass of Blue while my mom was at bingo. My "love" for alcohol came much later. My dad would force me to have wine on New Years starting when I was 8. However my live actually started when I was 16. Parties, boyfriends, friends.... Everyone loved drunk " Serenity". I was the life of the party. Everyone would beg me to come and of course I did. People loved me. I felt like a celebrity. Then I became legal and bar aged and all hell broke lose. I went to college. Spent all my loan money on booze and didn't care. Won many Maxim Magazine contents for being most "ambitious". It was fun. Then my mom got sick. I was 20. She was 45. She got diagnosed with stage 4 metastatic melanoma that spread from her brain to her lungs. My dad had lost his licence for impared driving, my sister was a drug addict and alcoholic and didnt have her licenve, and my brother lived oit west. I had to quit college to come home and take care of my mom. Such responsibility for a 20 year old. I became a mother to my family. I started drinking heavily while taking care of dying.mother. Even more heavily then usual. I met my husband during this time and 8 months after we met, we married so my mom could see me get married. 2 months after the wedding she died. I was 21. Since then it has been a whirl wind. 3 kids later.....8 years later. The only thing constant is alcohol..my husband and I are still married and he is now in the military. The only times I have been sober is while I was pregnant with my kids. Other then that, red wine was my drink. I am on day 3 of being sober and struggling. I want to so badly unwind with a glass of red tonight.... So bad I can taste it. I have decided to quit for many reasons. My kids, my marriage, my health ( I am training for a fitness competition in October), but also quitting to change my story. With my family, the ending is the same. The story is the same. I want to be different. I want to show everyone its possible. I want to be free. There is so much more to my story but clearly my road to sobriety is a.long one so I will have lots of time to share. I hope I can gain some help and confidence from you all and I hope to give you the same. Thank for listening.

FreeOwl

welcome Serenity....

Congratulations on day 3 and on coming to the courage to stand forth and say "I'm an alcoholic and I want this to stop".

You can do it.

SoberLeigh

Welcome, Serenity. There is so much of significance in your post/story but the part that jumped out of me was that you want to "change your story"; that is the beautiful part of your post.

We are here for you and solidly in your corner. You CAN achieve sobriety.

Congratulations on 3 sober days; let's continue on this journey together.

I am sorry about the loss of your mother; I, too, cared for a dying parent; it was a challenging and often overwhelming experience; sometimes it is only in retrospect that you can see its rewards.

Serenity85

Thank you so much for replying. This is the first time I have ever admitted I have a problem so I was nervous. Still am. I keep thinking " maybe I am just over reacting and I am fine"...but I keep replaying my life and its quite evident that this will not go away and I am in fact an alcoholic. This is first time I have ever faced my demons, and I am scared.

SoberLeigh

I was frightened, also, Serenity. There is nothing wrong with a healthy dose of fear; it sometimes knocks us into reality.

I hope you find what I found - that sobriety is absolutely awesome.

I am really glad that you found us.

aistar

welcome!

Dee74

Welcome Serenity85

It's never too late to writing a new ending for your story. SR helped me turn my life around - I know we can help you do the same

D