Storm0

Hi everyone I am new to this site. So first off I'll tell you a little about myself. I am 28 years old and have been sober for 4 years and 8 months. My spouse on the other hand has not been so lucky. When we met he was using heroin I did not know it at the time. Eventually he told me and that he wanted help he was currently on probation at the time so I took him to his po and had him tell him the truth. They put him in jail then got him in a great rehab. He did amazing for a long time followed the program prayed everyday he was happy. We got engaged and a few months later found out I was pregnant so we moved the wedding up. A week b4 my wedding I had a miscarriage. Everything slowly started going down hill from there it started with drinkng. We got married in October, in feb my aunt passed away so I went out of town when I got bk he was sick and not himself. He found out he had hep-c and eventually started using heroin again. He went bk to rehab but was still having a hard time so we decided to go the suboxone route even tho it's very expensive for us we have no insurance. He was doing good on those for about 8 months or so then I noticed his behavior started changing about two months ago. He wears getting depressed, angry mood swings and started taking money out of our account. I asked him if he was using again and of course lied about it. About a week later I took him to the hospital for trying to kill himself. He took 14 subs and a bunch of heroin. They kept him in the er for 18hrs he started withdrawing stole my keys and ran from the hospital. Since then we have been on a waiting list for a rehab with no insurance it's hard to get in and takes forever. Since the hospital insident his dr for the subs won't give him any anymore. So now for the past month he takes 40-100$ out of our bank to get subs or whatever else bc he can't handle being sick. I know he wants help but I feel so helpless and depressed I am stressed to the Max. I work two jobs and can not keep up on my bills and his habbit. I feel I have no choice tho. I feel like I'm enabling him but if you knew him you would understand I guess. He would find the money anyway he could when he gets sick and the dr and rehab said it's dangerous bc of his high dose to just stop taking it and the withdraws are worse. I just feel like I'm losing my mind I have no one to talk to about anything going on in my life I feel very alone I'm sorry this is so long. If anyone reads this thanks for listening.

A

CodeJob

Hi Storm, welcome to SR. You sound stressed and sad. You are mourning so much, but most of all your partnership sounds very unequal. Congrats on your own sobriety!

edenchai

I'm so sorry Storm.. I can understand your struggle, especially with getting him into a bed. It took my ex almost a year on a wait list because he lacked insurance and then got denied while he was detoxing because he wasn't "enthusiastic" enough.
I'm not sure if all states have it, but have you considered the marchman act? It may be called something different where you are, but you write a letter and file it w the court system explaining that they are a danger to themselves, etc. It will be brought in front of the judge and your AH will have to make a court appearance and the judge will then decide whether to court order rehab. It's something to at least look in to. It will take away his choice whether to go or not and could realistically get him into a bed now.

You aren't alone. Everyone of us here faces the same kind of struggles and heartache that you do. I would suggest looking into a Nar-anon group in your area for YOU. You don't have to go through this alone.

XX

L0stH0pe

wow your story really touched me.. how very sad for you and your AH.. it sounds like over here in the UK with the waiting lists, the having to watch them get sicker and sicker all the while knowing that they would take the help but it isnt being offered.. that must be so frustrating.

I was lucky that we got AH into a free, voluntary rehab center who took him on basically straight away, I gave him the number, he called, they gave him an appointment within 3 days and he was put on subutex straight off.. he does have to collect his dose daily (first it was at the center, which meant me having to take him every day) and now, these last 4 days it has been moved to our local pharmacy. Luckily he only gets dispensed 10mg a day, and if he is found to fail the drug test, the punishment will be to go back to supervised dosing.. to just take it off your husband seems cruel and horrible.

Have you and your AH looked into contacting smart? they have connections all over the states, maybe there is one local to you and they may have an idea of how to get him into treatment faster?

Do take care of yourself as well though, i know how easily we get all consumed by our loved one's addiction and one thing i have learned here over the last few weeks is that im important! I need to be in a good place for myself to be better able to help and cope with my AH.. if i neglect me, i neglect everything. It is hard to make that leap and to say "ok, im tired, im frustrated, i need to reclaim some headspace for me" but it can be done im slowly getting there, reading here, reading the material from the intuitiverecovery site, reading up on craft/smart.. i even downloaded a couple of apps for meditation but im really bad at that Since coming here and listening to all the ppl here had to say, i take a few minutes each day as a "time out" for just me.. it may only be 5 or 10 minutes, it may just be to take the dog for a quick walk or a hot shower or a nice coffee or a few pages reading.. but i make sure that at least ONCE a day, i put ME first.

lizwig

I'm sorry for what has brought you here but all so glad you're reached out for help for yourself. If your husband is truly serious about recovery you may suggest the salvation army treatment program. It is free but I understand fairly strict....it's long term and many people have found sobriety through it's program. I know some other members here have first hand experience with it....I do not....but I trust they would recommend it if finding placement is the ONLY thing holding him back. You will find a lot of support on this site from people who truly understand the waves of different emotions you are feeling. Nar-anon could also be a face to face support system for you. You'd find great comfort in seeing familiar faces on a consistent basis who have, or are currently, walking the same path as you. It's amazing how when we admit WE are powerless over their addictions and behaviors we can finally start healing ourselves, whether they are still using or not. Big hug to you today. We understand.

KeepinItReal

My husband is in Teen Challenge. They have 200+ program sites in the USA and are a Christian faith based program that costs nothing. Just have to want it. Many men in the program are even in their 50's.

Raider

Storm I am so sorry this is happening. Great on your sobriety. Some things jump out of your post:
He was an addict when you met him
He relapsed
Tried rehab again and you guys made the decision to try subO instead.
Relapsed again
Stole your car
Stole your money
No Storm, even if I knew him, I would not understand enabling him.

I wish you would take some time for yourself. You say he could get ,only for his drugs anyway without you, so let him. You need some help Sweetie. You say you feel alone. Don't stay in this toxic relationship because you are lonely. Let it go, take care of yourself and see what happens. Praying for you. Very sorry about your miscarriage.

OpioPhobe

Storm - has he considered methadone maintenance? It is generally much more affordable than suboxone. He would need to go to the clinic daily to get dosed. It may be something to bridge the gap between now and when a bed opens up. I have no idea what subs cost on the street, but $100 / day just strikes me as being on the high side. For that amount of money he could be supporting a pretty healthy dope habit (~1g/day). Did you talk to the dr / rehab directly for that information regarding the danger of his "high dose" or was that something he told you that they said? I would get that confirmed directly with them if it was information that came from him.

Also, what reason did he give for trying to kill himself? Did he come to you and fess up about what he did or did you find him ODd?