RELAPSE AFTER RELAPSE!! So unhappy right now.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Mar 2012
Location: London
Posts: 259
RELAPSE AFTER RELAPSE!! So unhappy right now.
I been on SR for a couple years now and I have posted some pretty rubbish posts that always say the same ****! ..like..
'"I'm done with Alcohol, its the time now, and I'm well and truly getting sober"
I have totally given up. I'm listening to emotional songs and drinking strong Ciders and feeling very sorry for myself. I have the best life on paper! I have an amazing Wife and Daughter, so I don't know why I cant sit back and absorb my amazing life!!?? I am a fully dedicated Alcoholic and am completely aware of it.
I have been having a lot of Sobriety in the last months. I had a Month off in Nov/Dec and went back on the drink again in January. I went to AA for the whole of February and didn't drink until 1st March. Its 1stApril now and I wanted today to be my day 1 again. I am streaming tears from my eyes right now and I honestly would commit suicide if it wasn't a sin. I am 100% serious when I say that. I mean that, because Heaven is the only place I can go that's amazing and I cant jeopardise that because if I end up in Hell then I will have gone from Hell to Hell.
'"I'm done with Alcohol, its the time now, and I'm well and truly getting sober"
I have totally given up. I'm listening to emotional songs and drinking strong Ciders and feeling very sorry for myself. I have the best life on paper! I have an amazing Wife and Daughter, so I don't know why I cant sit back and absorb my amazing life!!?? I am a fully dedicated Alcoholic and am completely aware of it.
I have been having a lot of Sobriety in the last months. I had a Month off in Nov/Dec and went back on the drink again in January. I went to AA for the whole of February and didn't drink until 1st March. Its 1stApril now and I wanted today to be my day 1 again. I am streaming tears from my eyes right now and I honestly would commit suicide if it wasn't a sin. I am 100% serious when I say that. I mean that, because Heaven is the only place I can go that's amazing and I cant jeopardise that because if I end up in Hell then I will have gone from Hell to Hell.
AA member
Join Date: Apr 2009
Location: United Kingdom.
Posts: 3,007
Don't carry on drinking now RJY,it is 2am,get some sleep.
Get back to the meetings as soon as you can and let them know how you are feeling,the help is there if you reach out.It isn't easy but it is doable,I believe you can stay sober.
Get back to the meetings as soon as you can and let them know how you are feeling,the help is there if you reach out.It isn't easy but it is doable,I believe you can stay sober.
Member
Join Date: Sep 2012
Location: Ireland
Posts: 25,826
Sounds like you haven't surrendered to the fact you are now living a Sober life!!
Let me ask the question, tomorrow after making the decision to be Sober again, are you going to change anything in your lifestyle other than deleting alcohol? . . . if so then this is the problem.
You need to start living a Sober lifestyle, not just take away alcohol and continue the same pattern of life!!
We all need to move from a lifestyle of facilitating alcohol to one that fuels Sobriety!!
You can do it, many of us have been in the same position and got through the obstacles!!
Let me ask the question, tomorrow after making the decision to be Sober again, are you going to change anything in your lifestyle other than deleting alcohol? . . . if so then this is the problem.
You need to start living a Sober lifestyle, not just take away alcohol and continue the same pattern of life!!
We all need to move from a lifestyle of facilitating alcohol to one that fuels Sobriety!!
You can do it, many of us have been in the same position and got through the obstacles!!
Administrator
Join Date: Aug 2003
Location: Dancing in the Light
Posts: 61,476
Have you been sober long enough to know that you can have a great sober life?
Stop drinking now. Alcohol is a depressant and that's the last thing you need right now.
You can do this.
Stop drinking now. Alcohol is a depressant and that's the last thing you need right now.
You can do this.
Administrator
Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: Australia
Posts: 211,380
Hey RJY.
Think about what you've done for your recovery. Real concrete tangible things.
Connects you've made, support you've used, changes you've made to your life to support your sobriety.
what more can you do - honesty? what haven't you tried?
D
Think about what you've done for your recovery. Real concrete tangible things.
Connects you've made, support you've used, changes you've made to your life to support your sobriety.
what more can you do - honesty? what haven't you tried?
D
Member
Join Date: Oct 2013
Location: Midwest
Posts: 9,029
I have a lot of amazing things in my life and didn't feel somehow that I deserved them so kept drinking. You can do it but you have to make changes when you take away the alcohol. I am a firm believer in the AA saying that alcohol is only the symptom of my disease. Take away the alcohol and I am left with my same issues but sober. A lot of good suggestions and good support already. If you are drinking put it down and get some sleep. Start tomorrow as a new day. You have done some good stretches without drinking so you have a feeling it can be done.
Member
Join Date: Mar 2008
Location: UK
Posts: 4,682
If you have been to AA you will have heard of the 12 steps. The 12 steps are the solution to your problem with alcohol if you can't stop drinking. I could not stop drinking for any decent length of time so I chose to go yo AA(didn't see much choice in the end!), got a sponsor who had worked the steps and recovered, and asked him to show me how to do the same. 3 months later the obsession for alcohol had gone and that was 5 years ago.
You have to do something different in order to have a chance to stop drinking otherwise you will keep going around in circles trying this, that and the other like a dog chasing it's tail. In hindsight I didn't know I was chasing my tail for all those years I was drinking and trying to stay sober!
Just to clarify if you choose AA you do not want a sponsor who is going to suggest to you that meetings alone will keep you sober and that you will magically stay sober for a couple of years then maybe look at the steps. You need a sponsor who is a real alcoholic(their words not mine) who has to work the steps to recover from a hopeless state.
There you go it took me rehab, a few visits to AA, losing everything and everyone, and the last horrendous year of drinking to learn all that before I was willing to go into AA and do that little thing.
You have to do something different in order to have a chance to stop drinking otherwise you will keep going around in circles trying this, that and the other like a dog chasing it's tail. In hindsight I didn't know I was chasing my tail for all those years I was drinking and trying to stay sober!
Just to clarify if you choose AA you do not want a sponsor who is going to suggest to you that meetings alone will keep you sober and that you will magically stay sober for a couple of years then maybe look at the steps. You need a sponsor who is a real alcoholic(their words not mine) who has to work the steps to recover from a hopeless state.
There you go it took me rehab, a few visits to AA, losing everything and everyone, and the last horrendous year of drinking to learn all that before I was willing to go into AA and do that little thing.
That bell or bike person
Join Date: Jun 2012
Location: london
Posts: 4,978
In the end drinking for me held very little or no fun in it at all RJY . It was just something i did to try and deal with the world or not deal with the world .
Get some help m8 , come back here more often . You don't ever have to drink again if you don't want to . Life is so much nicer without all the racing thoughts , mistakes, stress and emotion caused by alcohol , honest m8 .
Cheers , m
Get some help m8 , come back here more often . You don't ever have to drink again if you don't want to . Life is so much nicer without all the racing thoughts , mistakes, stress and emotion caused by alcohol , honest m8 .
Cheers , m
EndGame
Join Date: Jun 2013
Location: New York, NY
Posts: 4,677
I got to your comment late, RJY9, but if you're contemplating suicide, then you need to contact someone right away. Don't wait until you've talked yourself out of it.
Unfortunately, we don't live our lives on paper, and our alcoholism demonstrates this in a profound way.
I chose suicide-by-alcohol, but I fell apart completely before I could kill myself with the drink. I needed an inpatient, medically-supervised detox just to complete basic functions. I didn't intend to get sober, but I finally found myself trapped in a corner. I surrendered to the idea that I'd play out the last days of my life doing the "sober thing," and see where it led. If it didn't "work," then I'd resume my drinking and die an active alcoholic. It's not like I'd be the first.
I spent a year in outpatient treatment with near-daily AA meetings. I worked with a sponsor and was able to apply the AA Big Book Twelve Steps to the entirety of my life. Things started getting better. The changes were slow, but better. I made a commitment not to drink no matter what, and I made a leap of faith that it was (faintly) possible that there was a better way for me. I obsessed over drinking every day for ten months or more. I was dead inside. I talked about this frequently at the meetings I attended, like at every meeting.
When life started changing for the better, I started cooperating with my recovery in more active ways. I had two major surgeries in ten months, took care of my health, and started helping other people to achieve sobriety. I searched for months to get a job in my field, rarely hearing from the people and places where I sent my applications.
I got my family back, made new friends and became more active in my life generally. Now, I'm doing work that I love, have a loving and supportive family, and everything to look forward to. There's no reason you can't do the same.
Looking at that paper, the one on which all the good things in your life are written...I don't believe you want to lose or leave those things behind.
I don't recall what you've been doing to achieve sobriety, but it's clearly time that something different must be tried.
From your perspective, it's impossible for you to appreciate just how good life gets when we put down the drank and then setting everything right in our loves. Including the way we think, and the way we respond to our feelings. The way we are with other people.
If I could tell you what it's like, I'd tell you what it's like. You need to stick around long enough to get there.
Unfortunately, we don't live our lives on paper, and our alcoholism demonstrates this in a profound way.
I chose suicide-by-alcohol, but I fell apart completely before I could kill myself with the drink. I needed an inpatient, medically-supervised detox just to complete basic functions. I didn't intend to get sober, but I finally found myself trapped in a corner. I surrendered to the idea that I'd play out the last days of my life doing the "sober thing," and see where it led. If it didn't "work," then I'd resume my drinking and die an active alcoholic. It's not like I'd be the first.
I spent a year in outpatient treatment with near-daily AA meetings. I worked with a sponsor and was able to apply the AA Big Book Twelve Steps to the entirety of my life. Things started getting better. The changes were slow, but better. I made a commitment not to drink no matter what, and I made a leap of faith that it was (faintly) possible that there was a better way for me. I obsessed over drinking every day for ten months or more. I was dead inside. I talked about this frequently at the meetings I attended, like at every meeting.
When life started changing for the better, I started cooperating with my recovery in more active ways. I had two major surgeries in ten months, took care of my health, and started helping other people to achieve sobriety. I searched for months to get a job in my field, rarely hearing from the people and places where I sent my applications.
I got my family back, made new friends and became more active in my life generally. Now, I'm doing work that I love, have a loving and supportive family, and everything to look forward to. There's no reason you can't do the same.
Looking at that paper, the one on which all the good things in your life are written...I don't believe you want to lose or leave those things behind.
I don't recall what you've been doing to achieve sobriety, but it's clearly time that something different must be tried.
From your perspective, it's impossible for you to appreciate just how good life gets when we put down the drank and then setting everything right in our loves. Including the way we think, and the way we respond to our feelings. The way we are with other people.
If I could tell you what it's like, I'd tell you what it's like. You need to stick around long enough to get there.
Member
Join Date: Aug 2013
Location: Engerland
Posts: 897
RJY
Don't despair. You may be at the beginning of your journey, your awakening, but you ARE on it. Many of us have had to suffer the not so merry go round of short relapses before we ended up firmly seated in recovery. I know that i did.
But you are coming back and i believe you will end up staying.
These episodes are terribly painful and disheartening, but they ARE growing pains.
You can do this.
G
Don't despair. You may be at the beginning of your journey, your awakening, but you ARE on it. Many of us have had to suffer the not so merry go round of short relapses before we ended up firmly seated in recovery. I know that i did.
But you are coming back and i believe you will end up staying.
These episodes are terribly painful and disheartening, but they ARE growing pains.
You can do this.
G
Member
Join Date: Mar 2014
Posts: 373
Originally Posted by purpleknight 
You need to start living a Sober lifestyle, not just take away alcohol and continue the same pattern of life!!
We all need to move from a lifestyle of facilitating alcohol to one that fuels Sobriety!!
You can do it, many of us have been in the same position and got through the obstacles!!
We all need to move from a lifestyle of facilitating alcohol to one that fuels Sobriety!!
You can do it, many of us have been in the same position and got through the obstacles!!
Member
Join Date: Apr 2013
Location: Ohio
Posts: 3,785
Originally Posted by Nonsensical
I drank my last beers through tears, too. Your subject line says it all. That bottle was supposed to make me feel better, instead I felt worse.
I had to find another way.
I had to find another way.
Nothing worked. So I give up on hoping that in some way I was going to get the relief that booze once gave me and I gave up on continuing to try all things I had been doing alone to try and stop drinking. They were not working.
When I stopped trying to fight with it and gave in that I was powerless, I surrendered.
It was the first drink, THE FIRST and it had been all along. I am an alcoholic. Plain and simple, I cannot drink alcohol.
Surrender and acceptance.
Then I had to have some faith in AA and the people there. Just a little is all it takes. I was so beat down I was willing to do anything to stop the spin.
Go back to AA and give it another try.
Member
Join Date: Nov 2013
Posts: 219
You said you felt like you didn't deserve the good things in your life...Maybe one thing to work on is self-confidence. You deserve all the good things you have, and deserve to be proud of yourself for recognizing you have a drinking problem (some people never get that far) and for the sober time you have achieved. Not everyone quits cold turkey.
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