TornBrokenChic

I've been reading this forum for a couple wks now but it was until lastnight when I realized I can't take anymore. We first started dating in 2011. It was everything I ever dreamed of. He was supportive, affectionate, selfless, family oriented and easy going. Fast forward 2yrs and an engagement later, he began to not come home. It wasn't frequent at first. He'd text me saying he cant come home because we ran out of gas, the car broke down or worse, he'djust not answer or respond to my calls and when he's finally ready to come home, he'd say he was in jail.Shortly after the no calls, no shows began, he became extremely popular. He suddenly was meeting "fellow co workers" and childhood friends, and that was his reasoning for me not knowing any if his new flock of friends. All the while, he's become extremely possessive, controlling and seemed like he began to hide me; never wanting me to go to the store or take out the trash. He could be a million miles away, if I said I needed to do something, he'd nearly hurt himself to try to get it done for me. I've found a glass pipe three times, at that point is when he began to really turn. He became more disrespectful, less reliable, and even more possessive. His father called me, concerned about his new behavior and I told him about me seeing the pipes. Every since then, I've had the ultimate hell. He finally admitted to trying ice once but I knew it was all lies because I've found pipes on more than one occasion. He's choked me and threatened to kill me, and even put me outside naked. Like an idiot, I still stayed because he said he reacts so crazy because he's afraid to lose me and our sons. I believed every apology, every time he said he was trying to stay clean for our family to get back together,I believed it. We had to seperate because we were evicted. We all lived at my mother's at first but he was kicked out for obvious drug abuse, my mother has zero tolerance for it. Now it's like he hates me, even after all I've taken and settled for. He blames me that he is homeless. To top it off, reason I posted today, is because I got the call of my nightmares lastnight. .he has a new girlfriend. Her and I used to work together prior to him and I. She called me and told me that her friend was sleeping with him at first, but she went to jail and now she is sleeping with him because her fiance slept with the girl that just went to jail, which is my fiances friend...its just a big pile of drama. She said she's 5mths pregnant with her fiances baby and they decided they're going to work it out but my fiance won't come get his clothes from her house and threatened to break in her home, so she thought to call me so I can contact him about his belongings. She said he is also controlling of her too, which I didnt understand cause he told me he was only that way with me because he's afraid of losing us. How could he feel the same way about this girl? Someone he doesn't even know. She told me that she threatened to tell me about them and he said, "So, she dont give a f**k". It's an aggression and anger beyond my understanding. It's so painful that just a week ago he was telling his dad he cant wait to marry me, and now all of a sudden, I hear about 2 whores that he's been sleeping with and telling them hurtful lies about me.He stood us up on NYE. The kids and I were excited to be going out with him since we haven't been spending much time together and he never showed. He called later, about 3am saying he lost his phone and to please forgive him. Guess what?? I still stayed. I thought I was staying for the sake of our love and family. Didn't know I was staying to hear that he's been promising the same life he promised me, to some dopefein pregnant *****. I sent him a text this morning letting him know that I know whats been going on and what he's been saying about me and he's yet to respond. No aapology or anything, just simple silence. The most hurful thing I can imagine ,being that we loved one another and planned our future, and now he doesn't love me or his sons anymore. What was once a rose is now a cactus. Moving on is a definite now, but where will I get the strength? He's sucked up all the energy I have already. She told me so much about him, he actually talks to her about wanting to quit but denies even doing it with me. Why is his connection and bond so much greater with her where he can talk to her about addiction? I loved him and stood beside him until i couldn't take it anymore. Now I'm the enemy, the girl that's not capable of loving him right. I can't believe it.

Vale

It is what meth does, TBC.......to everyone it touches, without
exception. Welcome to SR and Know that each and every one of
us understands. Please read the stickies above--they are a treasure
trove of wisdom.
Addiction shares the life mode of a virus, right down to the
cellular level. A person who used to love/ strive/ cry is turned into
an autonomous drug seeking machine to the exclusion of all else.
As far as the "new girls" go------ THEY will become the
enemy the moment that they threaten the meth intake.

TornBrokenChic

Thank you so much. I've been on here literally all day today. The stories are making me cry, gain perspective and giving me a sense of hope. It's probably dumb of me for feeling like Im missing out on something and she's getting it. I need to remember that I'm missing the him that meth have erased. He's not that guy I miss anymore, yet I can't help but be in bitterness because I was supposed to be there to help him through anything. I think I'm more hurt about him seeking help through her, than the actual cheating. Don't get me wrong, it all sucks the same but dang...really. He couldn't seek help through me, his mom and dad? He's completely abandoned us.Sucks that meth is that powerful, unbelievable actually. Thank you so much Vale.

Ann

Let this be HIS nightmare and maybe find a happier healthier way to live yourself.

He is an active addict doing what active addicts do and trying to make it look pretty. Trust me, it's not.

His having a new girlfriend may be the greatest gift you ever got. Maybe take this time to heal yourself and find your balance and try to figure our how you could be attracted to someone who treats you (and themselves( so badly. You deserve so much better than this.

Good luck.

Hugs

TornBrokenChic

Thanks Ann, I'm surely trying to look at it that way. Had we not had a child before this all unfolded, I'd be able to cope a little easier but I agree with you and this happens to many, so I've read. From now on, it's about my happiness and satisfaction, and I'm no longer putting his before mine.

KeepinItReal

One thing addiction has taught me.... I have to be honest and loving to myself always.

Addiction will rip through a family like a tornado...

I have done deep soul searching and have found my reasons for my life getting so out of control.

This place is safe. Keep posting. We have all been through the mess.

TornBrokenChic

My brother told me to do that same thing. I was sexually abused as a child, which I sometimes wonder is this why I have such poor decisions in men..? Maybe some soul searching and a lil therapy, perhaps.

Vale

TBC,

I sometimes feel like a fraud here on SR. So many of these people are
fighting life and death struggles with their primary relationships.

With me it was just a long term aquaintance who asked for help. I got in too
deep and began a bout with codependency that I was only able to break with great
difficulty (and SR's help).

But I don't think I hurt any less, just because this person was not my
spouse, or lover, or child. It hurts to see a human you care about ripped from
the social fabric of humanity and sent to this living hell of addiction-----a never
ending groundhog day of deep misery.

So we come here and share. Facing the reality of addiction hurts----but it hurts
less when sharing with others who understand.

I'm 99% certain the lady I interacted with was abused as a young girl. Just
too many things dropped into conversation to discount.

But there were (and are) so many better ways to deal with such hurtful things
than to rush into the arms of the devil.

The devil will ALWAYS comfort you. And I'm sure it feels great. The only problem
is when the bill comes. The bill collector from hell doesn't want 50% of their soul,
he wants 100%.

And no, I don't tend to believe any of that supernatural crap.
But this thing has certainly put major cracks in my disbelief.

KeepinItReal

At one point I believed I could not go on living without my boy friend.... But ya know what. I did. The pain subsided and I was breathing. The pain is real but it doesn't last forever.

Try writing a list of things you like doing. I say try... Because when I was much more broken I couldn't think of one thing. Not one. Repairing ourselves is not only probable but possible if we put the effort into doing it.

Vale

Allright, TBC.........I call foul!

I have been dribbling half-baked sh*t on this website for FAR longer
than I care to admit.

Now you come along and write this:

(From now on, it's about my happiness and satisfaction, and I'm no longer putting his before mine.)

We can just decommission SR friends and family of substance abusers now!

This, my friends, is the essence of codie truth.

(I wish I had said it. I wish I could crash the SR server so I could remove
the evidence-------and claim credit for it.......but alas, I cannot!)

......instead, I'll just go over into that corner and sulk. SR regulars know this
is one of my regular patterns when confronted with my betters!

TornBrokenChic

Ok, its been a couple of days and the hurt is still embedded right in the middle of my heart. I thought I could sike myself up and try to remember that I deserve better, and I'm blessed to have gotten out of the relationship but it totally didn't work. Found myself crying again as I think about the good times we had. God help me get those good memories out of my freakin head.Luckily this forum keeps me occupied, I'd be a complete train wreck if I didn't have you all sharing your stories and support.

jjj111

I had a very hard time when I was breaking up with my AXBF accepting that I couldn't have the good times without the bad times. He was a package deal, but it was hard to get that through my head! One thing that helped me was to write a list of all the sh*&^y stuff he did. I was pretty good at repressing the bad stuff, but all I had to do was look at the list to remind myself of the part of the package that was a deal breaker for me. I found that list recently, two years after our break up, and couldn't believe some of the things I'd put up with!

TornBrokenChic

Great idea! ! I'm gonna do that today! Thanks