Dan1888

At this stage in my sobriety if I was invited to a birthday party, works party or simply a night out in a bar with some friends I would have to refuse because I know I could not stop myself drinking in that situation. I cant see this ever changing and its quite a depressing thought to think that I will never be able attend parties or nights out due to my alcoholism.

I must add I live in Scotland where there is a heavy drinking culture, a "party" or "night out" here always involves a lot drinking and people getting drunk. However most people can control it, some people may get drunk on that night only but not to the point where they are completely out of it. Whereas I would black out, pass out and continue to drink for days if I decided to start drinking at a party.


If I did force myself to attend a party or night out where other people are drinking but I did not drink, I know I would be counting down the minutes till I could leave, I would be miserable and would probably appear anti-social. However if I keep making excuses to not go to birthday parties, Wedding receptions ect, people are going to to start thinking im weird, some family members may even be offended if I dont go to their wedding or birthday parties.


Its a very difficult situation. What do other alcoholics do? Do they just avoid situations where they will be surrounded by people getting drunk and offering you drink and to hell with what people think?

LadyinBC

I personally do not go to parties where there is lots of drinking. I just don't see the point of going to watch everyone get drunk. Because deep down I am jealous that they are doing it and I'm not. I am 20 months sober, maybe I will feel differently years from now.

I won't go anywhere if I will feel uncomfortable or if I think it will compromise my sobriety. Wedding, people, places, situations, etc are not more important than my sobriety. Selfish maybe, but that is what I have to do for me and I don't apologize for it .

PurpleKnight

The issue is not the fact of being around drinking, or the idea of being bored and having no fun, the issue is temptation to drink, YOUR sobriety.

Once an alcoholic becomes strong enough in their own sobriety being around alcohol shouldn't cause as much temptation as in the early days, when you gotta do what you gotta do to simply remain Sober.

I can only speak from my own experience, as the months have gone on, managing cravings/temptation has gotten easier!!

GotGrace

Hi Dan! I think it gets easier to be in those situations as time sober accrues. Also, finding new activities and friends who are not focused on drinking helps. I had to keep a pretty low profile for the first few months that I was sober in order to avoid temptation. Now I don't really mind being around drinkers; I get more annoyed with them if they get drunk than envious.

Hang in there and give yourself a little time.

LBrain

BINGO! ^^^^ Being in bars or at a party does not affect me in any way. Of course I am not typical of those in early sobriety. But as far as getting annoyed at drunks, I actually find it quite amusing unless it becomes ridiculous.
My wife commented after a night out with friends that she could tell exactly when someone had "turned the corner". But we all had fun and danced and there was no stupefied kind of drinking.

So Dan, I think it is best for you to avoid "people, places, things" until you are well grounded in sobriety. It's not worth the risk to lose it over temptation or peer pressure. Good Luck

miko67

Mate , I'm Scottish too. It will in time get easier and as the above poster rights when u see the drunkeness you will be off n thanking (whoever or whatever works for you) just go wat as much as you can , give what you can to the occasion and leave when it suits you. I do my taxi at these things man. Kids r good and sit with people who don't drink too heavy. Have you a sponsor or good close mputhed friend? They are handy to have in you phone.
For me, my head makes mountains of mole holes with these things. Worrying away into the future stay in the now and you will be fine n let tomorow look after itself.
Good luck mate
Mon the hoops
Peace

Dee74

I certainly accepted that Dan. I stayed away from all alcohol focused places or events until I was 100% sure that nothing or noone could sway me.

For me that took a few months. I still consider those few months a great investment.

I wasn't a hermit tho. I found other social things to do tho - coffee dates, movies, hobbies interests.

Now? I took the time to build up my 'sober muscles' and I can go anywhere - but I still tend to avoid drinkfests - I have no interest in watching other people wrote themselves off.

D

KateL

Yes, I agree. It become more easier over time to go to weddings and things where there is alcohol. It doesn't bother me any more. xxxxxxx

DarkDays

Being round drinkers/drunks is real good for me , it just makes me so glad I don't have to do it like they do . It's like a sober battery recharge.

Got 5 hrs on a boat this Sunday , band free bar etc . Think I may be a tad bored after say 2 hours but still at least I can get high watching drunk people . Gotta be in control , I am not drinking ever again , end of .

Finnie

Food helps me a lot. If there's food there ( even just finger food) then I will go for a couple of hours. Half an hour before, eat, half an hour after, leave.

Only drink I will not go.

MIRecovery

I'm still not wild about drinking situations but I can do them if I have to. I find I just don't like to be around drinking people

LadyBlue0527

I have a friend who has parties where almost every person drinks. I have no problems going to these parties because the people who attend are in control. They are having a few drinks and pleasant conversation. No one even gets to the buzzy glass eyed point and personalities never change.

However, I also know of other places where there are parties where it's all out and the point is to get blasted. I have absolutely no interest in attending. I find it both disgusting and sad. Probably because it reminds me of who I used to be.

Eddiebuckle

Yes - pretty much. But I have found the reality is that most parties aren't just drunk fests, that's just how I was at them. If it's a sane mix of people with a few drinks, I am now OK making an appearance. If I feel uncomfortable or bored, I beg my leave. And I never go to a potentially difficult situation without my own transportation. It took a couple of years to do that without anxiety/apprehension but it happens.

yeahgr8

They do until they have done enough work on themselves to change then they can choose to go wherever they want. If 5 or 10 years down the line an alcoholic who is abstinent for that time seemingly suddenly picks up a drink at a party it is because they haven't changed. It's really as simple as that.

And until an alcoholic changes they would be advised to do what you are doing and to avoid situations with any temptation.

I don't drink so going to a place where people are getting drunk off there nuts would be as appealing as a recovered addict hanging around a crack house:-)

DoubleBarrel

I would literally have to have people beat me up,and hold me down pouring booze down my throat to make me drink at a party now.

That being said, I have no purpose in being at a drinking type party, if thats the sole purpose.

I have no more reason to go to a drinking party than I do to go to one of those girls make up parties. It just doesn't apply to me.

And by the way. Drunks are insufferably annoying when you are sober.

LadyinBC

I am seriously trying to picture your avatar at a make up party! Mary Kaye anyone !

lillyknitting

I do!

Treerat66

Makes me cringe to think I was like them.

savarna

I DONT go to parties full stop unless I am with my husband or someone from aa as I find them slippery places for ME everyone is different but if u have any incling to pick up a drink I'd avoid it completely

GracieLou

For me being in bars would because I spent so much time there in my early drinking days when I still felt human.

It is not the booze, it is the atmosphere. The music, the pool table, the people, just the "bar". I felt at home there so much that my actual home felt uncomfortable and that is when I started drinking at home as well. I am afraid that at home feeling will return and that is what will make me get the urge to drink.

Now I feel at home in AA meetings and I feel at home when I am at home

Now being around people that are drunk or drinking does not bother me as much as I thought it would. I went to a concert and there were quite a few (lots) of people that were drunk or getting there and this was before the concert started..lol

I felt gratitude that I did not have to live like that anymore but my friend that does not have as much sober time was pissed off. He felt angry that he was not having a good time and that the only way he could was to drink. He didn't but it messed with him quite a bit.