LightInside

My son's 2nd birthday is coming up and I'll be having a party, hopefully in the park across the street from our new apt. I would really like to have a party for my son where his whole family is invited.

Oh no! I hit the button before I was ready. Need to edit very quickly!

Anyway, I've been NC with his dad since about Oct., except for texting. I don't know if I'll be ready to be around him by party day. I'm increasingly mistrusting of his granddad and other family on the paternal side. I could handle them for a few hours though. My X, up until now usually puts on a very likable front for people and I doubt he'd drink before a party where my family would be. My guess is that he'd put on the "Father of the Year" act.

LightInside

[Ran out of time to edit original]

That "Father of the Year" BS is fine, although it bugs me when friends fall for it. [Clarification: I was saying DS's grandad up there.]

I guess I need to sort out my reasons and expectations. I will bring this up with my sponsor and in therapy. Just wanted to bounce this off of my SR friends.

One factor to consider is that the park is right across the street. I have given X my address ICE, but I don't want him coming here. I might be okay with it by May, but maybe I won't. Also, I don't know what's in store between now and then. Maybe he will get even more messed up, maybe he'll be doing better. I'll have a buffer by having my family there, but my family ain't too thrilled with how X has treated me and his decision to break up our little family.

Thoughts?

Katiekate

Sounds like to many variables to me. You want your child to enjoy his birthday, he will certainly feel the undercurrent of mistrust among everyone.

Doesn't sound ideal to me.

HealingWillCome

My three kids were very young when xah and I divorced. I made a decision to not invite him to any birthday parties and have never regretted it. I can hear some legitimate anxiety in your post about the reasons he shouldn't be there, but I think you're trying to rationalize why it would be okay. Do you really need that anxiety at a time that should be about celebrating your child? Can't dad throw his own party? My kids loved having two birthday parties every year.

LightInside

Thank you. I'll be thinking about this.

lillamy

You know, kids want a party. They don't care if "the entire family" is there. If his paternal grandparents want to celebrate his birthday, they can take that initiative.

I think sometimes we overthink things and overcompensate because we feel guilty that our kids are growing up in a divorced home.

LightInside

Yeah. And I'm still hanging onto "The Dream" by a few little threads.

Florence

Hey, best part of divorced family is multiple holidays.

In adult world, not everybody gets invited to everything. If you're an alcoholic d-bag, one of the resulting consequences is definitely not getting invited to everything.

Don't over think this.

AnvilheadII

the child is two. he doesn't even really understand what BIRTHDAY and PARTY means. he has no concept of age. for him it will be a bunch of really tall people and maybe some smaller ones his size, all gathered around and staring at him for some reason while cake is pushed in front of him and square shaped things in pretty paper are handed to him. to wit, the little boy could really care less. he certainly won't remember whose on the guest list. 2 year old BD parties last about 20 minutes... or until someone starts crying......the REST of the time is about the adults hanging out.

as suggested, don't overthink it. your AH is perfectly capable of throwing his own BD party if he so chooses. he doesn't have to come and wreck yours tho.........

hopeful4

Ive decided im not inviting my daughter's father or his family to any functions as of now bc i want fond memories and i know it would stress me to the point of not being able to be myself and feel happy. Im sure they will have parties, but my side will do it better LOL! I KNOW.... I am being petty but o well!

Stung

My husband didn't get invited to my older daughter's second birthday party. Guess who was most upset about it? Hint: it wasn't the 2 year old!

Further, none of his toxic family will be invited to my younger daughter's first birthday party in a few months either. Reason being that they make me anxious and uncomfortable and my kids pick up on the energy. Happy mom = happy kids. Do what is going to make your life happiest, and its a safe bet that your son will be happy too. Two year olds are an absolute blast BTW, you're about to enter into such a fun time with your son.

LightInside

Very good points. I especially like the not-getting-invited defined as a consequence (not a punishment that I would be imposing). I'm smiling. Thank you all. It's amazing how much I take responsibility for without even realizing it.