ontherightpath

Hates how I get when I drink too much
Gives me an attitude about going to meetings
Thinks I'm fine to drink as long as I don't go overboard.
Refuses to listen to me when I want to get it off my chest.
Has a company trip coming up that the spouses were invited to, in June-- and said oh you're
Gonna be a lot of fun in Portland.
Has told me
Numerous times he won't go here or there with me if I get drunk---
But still wants me to live by his rules-- clearly he thinks he has a better chance of controlling MY drinking habits than I do.

I'm filled with rage at the moment, and will be attending a meeting tonight. And going
To try not to give him the cold
Shoulder all night long...... Serenity now

Holli

I'm so sorry that this is so difficult for you. I myself have a great husband but he is not a great partner in sobriety. I hope we can all work this out. Maybe people wiser than us can weigh in with good advice.

Anna

Try to step back from your husband's words and actions. Focus on yourself and what you need to do to get sober and recover.

least

No matter what he says and does, work on your recovery for yourself. It's your business and your life. He seems to have control issues about your drinking. He doesn't want you to get drunk, but wants you to drink??? Makes no sense. Don't pay attention to him. Do this for you!

soberclover

He doesn't get it at all....but clearly you do

ontherightpath

Thanks guys. So I cooled off and reapproached the conversation, I said sobriety doesn't mean I can't have fun. And I expresses my concerns with his "rules" and then I simply said:
Oh so you don't think I'll be fun sober with the people you forbid me to drink with anyways? But you want me to keep the door open just in case I change my mind. I said if I keep doing what I am doing I will never have the chance to say that I haven't had a drink in "x" amount of days!!! I want sobriety and if that's a problem for me going on a work trip with you, then cancel my ticket because I refuse to give up on this battle.

We have been getting along ever since. And actually laughing and playing around.

I think it made sense to him that this can't be on his terms because he can't control my thoughts (I did trow that in there too)

I'm off to a meeting. It took me a long road of searching for balance and recovery and happiness, but taking a firm stand in sobriety is the right thing to do for me.

LBrain

good job!

ontherightpath

the conversation of the work trip came up again today. once again i said let me just be sober. yes i will hang out with your work people, but i will not base this whole trip on drinking. its ridiculous and its 2 months away. let me be sober and stop talking about this.
yes i am in early recovery
yes i am pissy tonight
yes i am still sober
yes i am very happy about that
no, i dont want to talk about it anymore, i just want to get ready for bed and put this long day behind me.

Brian316

I'm probably not older or wiser than anyone here, but I'll just share what I've seen and heard from others. Sometimes people that love us (spouses, parents, partners etc.) that do not know this disease think they can "fix" us. Be that with rules, ultimatums, scolding, what have you and just does not work. And the reason why I think someone hit on, they can't control our thoughts. We have a thinking problem that takes a power greater than ourselves to free us from. That's my experience.

ontherightpath

Exactly. It's so much more than the drink. I completely agree. It's been a long time since I had a solid footing in a recovery path. I am just sharing my experience, because my husband clearly doesn't get it, and HE Doesn't have to. I'm the one with the drinking problem not him. I have to keep my firm footing and not let this get the best of me. For now I need only worry about today.

Mountainmanbob

a couple of good steps in the right direction

MM

Jus

Some don't get it, that part I don't understand, they see us suffering. Or is better to turn a blind eye?

Ontherightpath, that was a huge issue for me too, and for decades, blah the time wasted.

Today I do it for me, I don't listen to him anymore.
Once we wrap our minds around the fact we have to do it for ourselves, it will set us free. I had trouble with that for a long time, chose to do it for all the wrong reasons.

The sad part of it, the toll it plays on a marriage. Which is a mystery, when we work harder
taking care of ourselves.

Good for you, stick with your guns.

Wishing you all the best.

Kate1961

My husband also wants me to drink socially, but that is not something that I have the ability to do!! So for now, he flies solo to drinking occasions and I enjoy a quiet night at home! It's actually been good for us, too much time together is not healthy and doing things that would stress either of us out is just silly! And believe me, I don't miss the business events at all!