trez

Has anyone on here had a good experience with something other than AA? I've been trying to work the steps and I just don't understand them. And it feels like a "guilt based" program: making lists of the people you've harmed, women you've had sex with, etc. I just don't understand how all this self shaming helps you stop drinking.

Dee74

When I read the Big Book the steps seemed to me to be about taking away thjings like guilt, Trez?

In any case, if AA doesn't suit, that's entirely your prerogative

there's many different approaches and methods of recovery around Trez- here's some links to some of the main players, including AA:

http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/...formation.html

Lots of secularly based programmes in there.

I recommend you also visit the Secular Connections forum if you think you may benefit from a non 12 step approach.

D

IOAA2

Hi Trez. I understand your concerns along with the fear of the unknown that's involved. There are some good guides on the steps available if you search. This site has a 12 step support forum as well.
When I first started doing MY, no one else needs to see it, 4th my insight to me was very shallow and fairly dishonest and I was in fear of the doing the 5th. Someone said to forget the 5th, maybe you'll never do it.
My main object was to start and I did by examining feelings and my fears. Nothing I wouldn't talk about from the podium today. They were my triggers and I became elated by opening myself up, being brought up in an uptight society. As time went on I did several more, again for myself.

BE WELL

KateL

I found guilt very destructive. So eventually put those feeling well and truly behind me. Otherwise I would be back to square one and doing al those things AGAIN that made me feel guilty in the first place - if that makes sense xxxx

miamifella

I think the intent of what AA asks (which does not include any list of sexual partners), is to RELIEVE guilt. It is is to change the thinking from "I am bad" to "I have done bad things (and will continue to do them) but I can move beyond."

It was not a program that helped me, but I think the idea of taking responsibility and getting rid of the burden of guilt is a good one, no matter what program you use.

Anna

If you take a look around here, you will lots of people who succeed in recovery without AA. The main thing is to be committed to living a sober life.

Johnston

Not sure if the steps are 'guilt-based', but their focus on moral inventory, confession and rehabilitation (steps 4-10) can certainly challenge someone who feels uneasy about the concept of sin or religious practices in general. Remember, AA has its roots in a moral crusade movement called the Oxford Group, which itself was based strongly on the values of what was still at the time a temperance-oriented, very Protestant Anglo America.

There are a variety of other approaches you can take in approaching recovery. Research, research, research. Best of luck.

Nonsensical

The steps never made sense to me either, but I still love the fellowship I can find at AA meetings. Going to meetings from time to time is still part of my program, even though I have found other approaches that work better for me than the steps.

Best of Luck on Your Journey!

BadCompany

It is natural to read the steps like that though. We walk into AA already graeed towards beating the crap out of ourselves and when we see those lists well, it looks like more of what already didn't work. Moving from "I am a bad person" to lets make a list and then get rid of the things that make my life a crappy place to live is quite a jump.

Pete55

Step 4 can be illustrated as a pile of what seems to be junk in a back yard. But underneath that pile is usable items to.
To get to see what's usable is clear away the real junk first, then what remains are those usable items.

Same goes with our defects of character, look for those that are junk, discard them and what's left are the non defects.
If one of the non defects is damaged, in good time it heals.

So if it's guilt, what "junk" thinking is causing the guilt ?

Usually it's the actions of misguided instincts that may have caused a harm.
If it's a person that was harmed, then you may want to consider later on an amend if that's what it takes to remove the guilt.
Hopefully the feeling of guilt of that particular harm is removed.

There are financial guilt trips to...a "sponsor" ought to help you see through it all in good time.

freshstart57

Trez, welcome to SR, there is a lot of support for you here if you want to quit drinking. You asked if anyone has had a good experience with something other than AA? Absolutely! There are lots of us.

Here is one person's experience, it might help you to take a look.

Admiral

The most important thing is honesty, with yourself. Honest seeking will trump programs any day of the week. Programs like AA and AVRT do point in that general direction I think, but the path is difficult to see at times, what I mean is, a lot of the steps confuse people, and I think that the fundamental concepts are much easier to approach and follow, than the program itself.

whiskeyman

You dont have to understand them just keep working them.
If you have a good sponsor they will help you work out how and why they work.

Just get the info down on the page, be honest and thoprough and then talk to your sponsor

hypochondriac

Check out SMART recovery. It can work in conjunction with AA too. There are also things like lifering and celebrate recovery. SMART does online meetings if you can't find any near you x

sugarbear1

do an internet search, there are several alternatives available!

shakeel

The steps are meant to be worked with a sponsor. I myself use 2 programs of recovery AA and AVRT, I strongly suggest you try the latter as it helped me a lot when my mind starts palying games on me.