Trailsky

Most of you know AH is supposed to be moving out soon. He will not stop asking me why. Why are you giving up on me? Why don't you call or txt in the morning to say hello anymore? Why are you so distant? Why are you ignoring me. I try to stay as detached as possible.

I sat down tonight to write a letter. It was for me. I wanted to clearly define the whys. It ended up being great. 95% was all about me. My journey in recovery and why I need a separation. I feel like it so clearly explains where I am coming from. It's an honest look at me.

The I start to wonder if I should give it to him. I wonder if it will answer any of his questions. I so badly want him to understand I have a lifetime of hurt. From my childhood to first abusive husband to him. I have reached my limit on self inflicted pain and need to work on me. What do you think?

iamthird

Healthy for you to write it! If you want to give it, I understand (and have done so as well) but where I made a mistake was expecting my letter to make a difference. Give it to him because YOU want to for yourself not expecting anything in return.

Chelsea1029

That's a tough one...my first reaction is no. When I think about the number of times I've tried to explain things to have my word ignored or twisted...
It never changes anything - I'm still to blame, there's no realization of his role or my hurt and what I need...it's all about him.
Do you think it will really make him understand anything or will it just set you up for more frustration?

Lyssy

Read it to him then destroy it. You get your say without giving him the power to manipulate.

If he interrupts you can just end it then as he isn't listening.

Trailsky

Thanks for the thoughts everyone. I am not going to share it for now. I fear it will be used as ammunition since it is so honest and raw. It's about me not him. I guess if he wanted to understand he would be asking different questions and behaving differently.