bradley26

I was 72 days sober when i decided to get drunk, blaming my bad back for not exercising which gave me a reason to eat rubbish and ultimately drink alcohol.
The voice in my head (not literal voice) told me it would just be today and i would start afresh on monday. Well it is around ten days and im still drinking. even tonight as i write im drinking. I hve been drunk 6 days in a row. i feel like scum. i know im scum and am ashamed to come on here. Its funny know matter how many heartbraking stories i hear about alcohol i always seem to come back to it. Even though im wrighting this post tonight i have made plans of going for a drink tommorow morning before work whicjh dosnt make sense. The one thing i have noticed is if there is structure in my life its much better. Planning my meals and activities helps me alot. I come on here and im happy then im sad then happy then sad, i really do feel like im not normal,

Hevyn

Bradley you are not scum - you're an alcoholic who is drinking. I spun out of control every time it got in my system. I was always determined to control it but in the end I never knew where it would take me. I had to stop all together, and you already know that's the way to go. You reached out for some help because you want a better life. You can get back on track - we know you can.

Saille

Bradley … you are not scum. Breaks my heart to read that you feel this way. So many of us can relate. I am still drinking, too. Listen to the ones that are not … they will offer you sound advice. They lead by example and prove it CAN be done. You have found a great source for support here. Find what works for you. You can beat this.

Best,
Saille

Taproot

Hi Bradley. 72 days sober is great! I am no expert and am at day ten myself. your current run of drinking doesn't erase the fact that you have proven that you can live without drinking. The crew here at SR can give you support and help you become the sober person you want to be.

Cathryn2001

Bradley, it speaks volumes that you keep coming back--you want this even more than you know. You've done it before so you know the drill--make a plan NOT to drink and follow it. Do not pick up that first drink (especially not tomorrow morning). In fact, why not stop right now? Dump it down the drain, get it out of your house. Let "not drinking" be your only option.

If you continue to do the same things, you will get the same results . . and the results that you are getting don't sound like they are positive/happy in any way at all. You deserve so much better. You can do this.

least

First of all, get rid of the alcohol in your house. Remove the temptation. Do you have anyone in real life you can call or visit? Real life support is essential. Can you go to a meeting? And whatever you do, don't continue to drink. You know where that will take you.

Dee74

Like others have said - you're not scum - but drinking makes us feel that way.
It's much easier to continue drinking if we convince ourselves we don't matter

If you find you can't stop on your own, what about seeing your Dr, or going to an AA meeting?

D

Marcella99

Bradley, I know how you feel. I had about the same amount of time and am back at day 1. Feeling sick and like a failure. Like others said, pour it out and start your day 1. You never have to feel this way again. Be strong.

Anna

Bradley, you are totally caught up in the vicious cycle of alcoholism. You feel terrible so you drink, and you feel worse, so you continue to drink. You need to take that first step out of the cycle. Believe in yourself. Alcoholism is not a character defect.

newbeginning10

I feel your pain i was sober from 10-10-2005 til 10-20-2014 .As of today I've been sober for 205 days. we are hear for you day or night. I have not used sense 10-20-2014. I have faith in you if i can do it you can too. Thank you and have a goodnight.

bigsombrero

You're better for having posted honestly, Bradley. You're showing your true character. You had 72 days behind you and you were doing well, and now you're seeing what happens when we go back out. It's all water under the bridge - as soon as you start with another sober day. Why not make that today? There will never be a good time to quit, just get it over with already. Don't make yourself suffer anymore, you've got SR...any other programs available? Are you open to AA or some other group?

Saille

^ Cannot say it better than this - you can do it, Bradley. Hope you come back to us...

Best,
Saille

MythOfSisyphus

You're not scum. That's the booze talkin', Bradley. We're here for you anytime.

bradley26

Well today has been garbage and tommorow will be hell as i have a 6 hour work course that im on. Strangely im not too down today and was very happy when i spoke to my close friend and he has decided to go to rehab. Hes ten years older than me and its finally all come to an head with him. Hes a cool guy but for some reason dosnt like me giving him advice. He says that because im younger than him i shouldnt be able to tell him anything about life. I hope tommorow is a brighter day as the darkness and despair is becoming very tiresome. I hope everyone of u is doing good, this forum has been a good help recently even just to vent mt frustraion.

LBrain

Bradley, make TOMORROW that Monday. And never look back.
Unless you're a time traveler like newbeginning10.

Coffeecake

Bradley......

I hope you are feeling better. I don't have much advice except this, "When you know better, you do better." You are giving yourself some of the best advice. Get a routine, surround yourself with positive people and situations. If you feel the urge to drink, take it day by day, hour by hour, moment by moment. You are stronger than you realize. Your honesty is a strength that can help you. We have all spent countless days lying to ourselves, let that honesty get you through the tough days. I have found strength I didn't know I had here and through this process. Everyday is hard but everyday it does get easier (just not at any reasonable speed!) Hang in there. We are cheering for you. Day 1 doesn't look so bad when the sun comes up.