A new low
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jun 2012
Posts: 25
A new low
Hi,
So this weekend has been very bad for me. My wife was away and I made the genius decision to go out for a leaving do for a girl at work who I've been car sharing with for the best part of a year, after drinking half a bottle of vodka.
Met everybody at the first place and there was another girl there who was very flirty with me, I can barely remember much after arriving but we went to a club after.
Now here's the bad bit, I have a very dim recollection that I may have touched up the girl I car share with! I think we were standing at the bar and I was fondling her butt quite a lot, dunno what else happened and I might have done similar with the flirty girl. I know that groping a girl is a serious matter and I cant recall if it was unwanted on her part, she was drinking but I cant recall how drunk she was. She has a long term partner unlike the flirty girl.
She has text me to say she's taking the train to work next week, said there was no reason but isn't very talkative. I sent a text apologising if I did anything to annoy her, said I have an issue with drinking. I'm hoping she just feels a bit guilty and doesn't want to see me too much as she's leaving anyway, terrified that all of the office will know what I did... Even more terrified my wife will find out.
This is my second post here, clearly my first attempt to stop drinking didn't pan out. I've done some stupid stuff while drunk but this one scares me, I'm not some pervert who feels up women against their wishes and don't want to be that person.
Every time I try to stop drinking it doesn't last, I don't even tell myself I'll just have a couple and that'll be it.
I don't know if I'm going to get away with this one, I'm hoping that when the girl leaves then it will be done with and I can move on. Honesty may be the best policy but I don't want my wife to think of me as a cheater, I'd never do this stuff sober... I wish alcohol didn't exist for me to have the option to drink.
So this weekend has been very bad for me. My wife was away and I made the genius decision to go out for a leaving do for a girl at work who I've been car sharing with for the best part of a year, after drinking half a bottle of vodka.
Met everybody at the first place and there was another girl there who was very flirty with me, I can barely remember much after arriving but we went to a club after.
Now here's the bad bit, I have a very dim recollection that I may have touched up the girl I car share with! I think we were standing at the bar and I was fondling her butt quite a lot, dunno what else happened and I might have done similar with the flirty girl. I know that groping a girl is a serious matter and I cant recall if it was unwanted on her part, she was drinking but I cant recall how drunk she was. She has a long term partner unlike the flirty girl.
She has text me to say she's taking the train to work next week, said there was no reason but isn't very talkative. I sent a text apologising if I did anything to annoy her, said I have an issue with drinking. I'm hoping she just feels a bit guilty and doesn't want to see me too much as she's leaving anyway, terrified that all of the office will know what I did... Even more terrified my wife will find out.
This is my second post here, clearly my first attempt to stop drinking didn't pan out. I've done some stupid stuff while drunk but this one scares me, I'm not some pervert who feels up women against their wishes and don't want to be that person.
Every time I try to stop drinking it doesn't last, I don't even tell myself I'll just have a couple and that'll be it.
I don't know if I'm going to get away with this one, I'm hoping that when the girl leaves then it will be done with and I can move on. Honesty may be the best policy but I don't want my wife to think of me as a cheater, I'd never do this stuff sober... I wish alcohol didn't exist for me to have the option to drink.
Member
Join Date: Feb 2013
Location: Midwest
Posts: 1,450
I'm sorry for your situation. Know that plenty of moral dedicated people have done atrocious things while drunk. Coworker at a bar is a very common place of issues. Maybe this is the wake up call you needed to get you on the right track?
Forum Leader
Join Date: May 2012
Location: Wisconsin, USA
Posts: 16,945
The best thing you can do is make a new plan to quit drinking, you can't change what has happened. What did you try last time? Perhaps you need some local support like AA or some type of detox/rehab?
Hillbilly Girl
Join Date: Dec 2013
Location: In my Garden
Posts: 3,953
1lifeleft - I can relate to how you are feeling right now. How many times I have woken up to think about the things I did or said that I would never do in my right mind. Happened just a week ago - drinking and out to the bar with what I'm sure was "quite a show" on the dance floor. We can't undo....just move forward & know that we have a choice to never have to wake with those regrets if we don't take that first one. 2 days for me today. Stay in here & don't beat yourself up. You are not alone in this.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jun 2012
Posts: 25
It really does feel like a wakeup call, if I can get through this without my chickens coming home to roost as it were then it will be a miracle. Just need to hope that even if she thinks I was out of line with my wandering hands then she's ok just letting it go as too much booze rather than malicious intent. I don't remember much about but don't remember her saying stop...
It just sucks feeling like this: sick, fat, poor, guilty, depressed, anxious, all because of booze. Sure maybe I don't deserve to get away with it but I don't think I can handle the fallout if this comes to light. Just have to pray she's keeping her distance as she thinks I really like her or something, rather than thinks she's the victim of a sex crime or something!
It just sucks feeling like this: sick, fat, poor, guilty, depressed, anxious, all because of booze. Sure maybe I don't deserve to get away with it but I don't think I can handle the fallout if this comes to light. Just have to pray she's keeping her distance as she thinks I really like her or something, rather than thinks she's the victim of a sex crime or something!
Forum Leader
Join Date: May 2012
Location: Wisconsin, USA
Posts: 16,945
Originally Posted by 1lifeleft 
Just need to hope that even if she thinks I was out of line with my wandering hands then she's ok just letting it go as too much booze rather than malicious intent.
Mini Novel Post Writer
Join Date: Jun 2013
Location: Maine
Posts: 3,649
Hi 1lifeleft,
Ah yes, the "what did I do?" sinking feeling in the pit of the stomach when the eyes first open. It's horrendous. Especially when you can't even remember fully but vaguely remember enough to know that it certainly wasn't anything good.
Here's the good news. You don't ever have to feel that way again. In fact, that's probably one of my favorite parts of sobriety, full accountability for my actions at all times.
You CAN have this and you CAN do this.
Ah yes, the "what did I do?" sinking feeling in the pit of the stomach when the eyes first open. It's horrendous. Especially when you can't even remember fully but vaguely remember enough to know that it certainly wasn't anything good.
Here's the good news. You don't ever have to feel that way again. In fact, that's probably one of my favorite parts of sobriety, full accountability for my actions at all times.
You CAN have this and you CAN do this.
as a sober contributor
Join Date: Aug 2012
Location: California
Posts: 1,312
I'm sorry you are going through these feelings but thanks for the reminder. It is a reality that booze incites bad behavior. Take this as a sign that it is time for you to stop drinking regardless of or lack of any repercussions from your actions.
This is EXACTLY why I walked away from the bar scene almost 7 years ago. My situation was from the other side of the coin with my 'supposed' GF hitting on and sleeping with guys she 'picked up' in bars. SLEAZY behavior due to alcohol consumption was her forte and her 'excuse' when caught.
Good Luck.
This is EXACTLY why I walked away from the bar scene almost 7 years ago. My situation was from the other side of the coin with my 'supposed' GF hitting on and sleeping with guys she 'picked up' in bars. SLEAZY behavior due to alcohol consumption was her forte and her 'excuse' when caught.
Good Luck.
Member
Join Date: Dec 2012
Location: Toronto
Posts: 3,195
I've been there. I once tried to kiss my gf's friend at a party after copious amounts of booze with my gf in the next room. During my worst drinking period, I was such a sleaze-ball. I have many similar cringe-worthy moments that always haunted me for weeks after.
I think the one good thing in your situation is that you no longer have to work with her so you can put this behind you easier and focus on the important things like your issue with drinking.
I think the one good thing in your situation is that you no longer have to work with her so you can put this behind you easier and focus on the important things like your issue with drinking.
Member
Join Date: Mar 2014
Posts: 31
Hi1lifeleft, I'm a newcomer to sobriety and I am not sure if I should give any advice because I realize that's frowned upon in many circumstances and my life is still a mess from letting lies and pathology hijack my agency for years.
I think you should consider coming clean to your wife and coworkers.
I spent a lot of time and effort trying to cover up my drinking and foibles, and as a result, my dishonesty became a strong driving force behind the drinking. "I'm a liar anyway, so why not continue to lie?" Lying became normal. People who challenged my lies were irritating. Adversaries. Victims sometimes, but still adversaries. The urgency and intricacy of covering my tracks distracted me from the urgency of getting better and it kept me in this helpless paralyzed state that made me feel miserable and loathe myself.
Again, I'm sorry I can't figure out how to phrase that in a way that isn't explicit advice. I'm still working on that. It's just that "getting away" with things, it does you no favors. It's often better to let the truth be known and pieces fall where they SHOULD be falling.
I think you should consider coming clean to your wife and coworkers.
I spent a lot of time and effort trying to cover up my drinking and foibles, and as a result, my dishonesty became a strong driving force behind the drinking. "I'm a liar anyway, so why not continue to lie?" Lying became normal. People who challenged my lies were irritating. Adversaries. Victims sometimes, but still adversaries. The urgency and intricacy of covering my tracks distracted me from the urgency of getting better and it kept me in this helpless paralyzed state that made me feel miserable and loathe myself.
Again, I'm sorry I can't figure out how to phrase that in a way that isn't explicit advice. I'm still working on that. It's just that "getting away" with things, it does you no favors. It's often better to let the truth be known and pieces fall where they SHOULD be falling.
Forum Leader
Join Date: May 2012
Location: Wisconsin, USA
Posts: 16,945
Originally Posted by 1lifeleft
It could've been the other girl, could've been either... Not looking forward to work tomorrow
Guest
Join Date: Dec 2012
Posts: 7,097
We've all done things we deeply regret when drunk. I've had my fair share of inappropriate actions at work functions and the horror and shame I've felt on Saturday mornings are horrendous. I do understand how you feel though I'm female. The awful anxiety all weekend and fear of going into work Monday morning and not knowing what I will face. Still I didn't quit though
The only advice I can give you is learn from this experience, you can't change it. You can apologize to the girl but have no control over whether she accepts or what she does/doesn't do. All you can do is ensure that you never have to go through this again and the only way to do that is stop drinking.
A word of caution, I never learned my lesson. When I went into work it was never as bad as I had anticipated-I "got away with it" and a few days later it is easy to forget and pick up again.I hope you stop before you lose everything
The only advice I can give you is learn from this experience, you can't change it. You can apologize to the girl but have no control over whether she accepts or what she does/doesn't do. All you can do is ensure that you never have to go through this again and the only way to do that is stop drinking.
A word of caution, I never learned my lesson. When I went into work it was never as bad as I had anticipated-I "got away with it" and a few days later it is easy to forget and pick up again.I hope you stop before you lose everything
Guest
Join Date: Dec 2012
Posts: 7,097
Originally Posted by 1lifeleft
You're right today and not drinking is what I need to think about, it doesn't help already having bad ocd and anxiety issues
Member
Join Date: Nov 2012
Location: london
Posts: 146
Im sure we have all done crazy stuff when drunk. I have been a complete disgrace on more than one occasion. But i cant change it so i just try to forget about it. At the end of the day even if u did touch her butt or whatever its not the worse thing in the world and i would not tell youre wife . U didnt sleep with her so a bit of drunken butt fondling is nothing to get to worked up about. Just use it as a lesson as next time it could go further and u might really be in the sticky stuff.
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