jakec

So I'm kind of mad at myself because last week I bought this album online. It's one of my favorite albums but the bad thing is that I used to listen to this album constantly while using. I was in denial about it for a while but I know that this music is closely linked with my drug use and would be considered a "thing" when it comes to people places and things. My therapist wanted me to write down all the things that could potentially lead me back to using and I think certain music is one of them. I've tried listening to the same music in the past while sober that I did while high, it was still enjoyable but it also made me feel nostalgic about the "good times" of using.

I want to justify it by saying "well I paid $15 for it so it would be a shame if I didn't listen to it." Well, it would be an even bigger shame to listen to it, feel a certain type of way, and then use.

I know what the solution is, and I'm going to talk to my sponsor about it. Just wondering if anyone has any thoughts or experiences with music in early recovery.

Thanks

mecanix

I have albums i used to listen to when drunk . They are at the back of my i-pod hanging about .
I try to focus on making music now rather than passively listening, although I do listen to new albums by my favourite artists .

Free yourself up Jake, ditch those albums and memories , build and find a new happy you . Forge new memories , find new music with new healthier emotional ties .

2 years into sobriety i occasionally listen to those old albums , but they are from a different me's life and don't "speak" to me like they did . That was then , this is now . Move on, grow and give yourself the freedom to learn and change

Bestwishes, m

Aellyce

Hi Jake, I'm a big music fan and definitely had the experience you are describing. Basically what happens here is very similar to any other possible "environmental cues" that we can learn to associate with our addictive behaviors. The most classic example for drug users is the dealer where they go get the substance, or in general friends we used to drink / use with, places where these frequently happened, etc. It can really be almost any kind of sensory stimulus, auditory as well, like music.

I understand your frustration about this though - had the same thing... like, now I can't even listen to some of my favorite tunes...? The truth is, it's better to avoid anything that triggers those memories strongly if you feel they create strong urges. The associations can be unlearned with time (and help, see below), but in early recovery it's really better to just not to be exposed to those "cues" as much as possible.

Good idea to talk about it with your sponsor or others in NA, I'm almost sure it's not a particularly rare experience. Even "normal" people experience commonly that music can bring out strong old emotional memories, which can create interesting nostalgia if the memories are neutral/harmless, but better not play around with drug-related associations if they feel overwhelming.

If you go to therapy, a counselor may be able to help you "neutralize" some of these associations using CBT-like approaches, but again, do not experiment on your own.

Raider

Yes. Music trigger. Yes.

aasharon90

Ive always loved music. When I returned
from a 28 day rehab stay in August 1990,
all the holidays that followed, I recall how
awesome music REALLY sounded sober.

It was like listening to it with a clearer
hearing. It made me feel like I was hearing
it all for the first time. A newer sense of hearing.

Today, I can listen to songs that are attached
to new memories. Memories of taking a vacation
sober. Meeting my new husband sober. Songs
my kids listened to in high school, band, orchestra,
music. They were all good feelings attached to
healthy memories.

Make new memories with music sober or clean
to cherrish for years to come.

Lance40

I was a raver for years and in the early years took Ecstasy and then later when I quit that started getting really drunk at raves. Some of my fondest memories are from those years and those nights of care free dancing and social connection. I absolutely fell in love with electronic dance music, especially trance. I have a collection of hundreds of dance music albums, but I stay away from them now. There's just too much association and it can bring up such strong desires because it feels like "coming home" when a track opens and the first synth sounds start to swirl.