LoveMeNow

I have spoken to an attorney and it is what it is. I can seek spousal support but it can be difficult to make him pay. It also keeps me tied in with him. I am not sure the amount would be worth my serenity.


He has the money/business. My name is no longer on it.
He has better credit.
He has a really nice new condo.
He has the better car.
He took care of him very nicely.

How did I get so screwed in all of this? He is the addict! I know my addiction to him and his addiction has consequences but where are his???

I knew this would happen, I feared it but in the end, I didn't care. I trust God has something better for me but after seeing his place....I am still angry how unfair it all turned out.

(Please no legal advice. I have already spoken to different attorneys and explained everything).

LoveMeNow

This is not about the money. This is about consequences for our choices.

He appears to have NONE and I seemed to have them ALL. I know life isn't fair but..... I am still P!SSED! Seeing his new place has really triggered my anger too.

story74

In the beginning I felt very much the same way. He had a new girlfriend, a new home and supposedly this new business that was going to make him millions. He once even told me that he was the happiest he had ever been...this after not seeing his son for months. I felt like I had nothing. But, I had my self respect and my son. I had me. Which is so much better than having an addict. You didn't get screwed, you just made a choice to have a happy life sans the addict.

LoveMeNow

Thank you ((story))) You have been an inspiration.

In so many ways, I have been so blessed through all of this. I have had 2 wonderful, supportive friends who have helped more then I can ever repay them.

One of my friends is staying with me now so I am not alone. I joke that she is on "suicide watch" but I wouldn't ever even consider it and she knows that. She is just so easy going, fun, independent and has been nice to have her with me.

I am waiting for a fairly decent size check that can not be forwarded, so basically we are camping out here. I look forward to moving on, but I am also relieved I have this time to process my feelings too.

Oh, I could always move into the nice condo....if I choose to....uhmmm...no thank you. There is no happiness for me there and I know that.

I know I have no where else to go but up and he has still more to lose. Things will change, I just need to keeping doing the next right thing for me.

Kindeyes

Oh LMN.....that made me chuckle....yes.....you could.

I remember how much bitterness I carried with me after divorcing my XAH.....but I moved out of it after a while. My bitterness was doing a whole lot more harm to me than it was to him. The funny thing is.....here we are 30+years later......and he is still bitter and angry.....and addicted.

In contrast......my life has been pretty good overall.

I'm glad you have a friend to hang with right now. Wish I could join you and we could have a.......

LoveMeNow

lol, we actually are still in our pajamas. We took a mental health day. It's been raining here and has been great napping weather. I am thankful for the opportunity to catch up on some much needed rest. I had no idea how truly tired I was and having her here, I have been able to get into a deep sleep again.

I really don't want to be angry or bitter. I know he is just sick and not evil. I know he is just a slave to his addiction again. Most importantly, I trust and love God.....and that is something he doesn't have, not now anyway but I will keep praying for him.

Ann

What he has is..."stuff".

What he doesn't have is piece of mind, sobriety, good health (physical or mental or spiritual), serenity, stability, or friends who love him enough to stick with him through really rough times.

You have all of that, and "that" outweighs "stuff" any day. Poo on "stuff" who needs it?

Hugs

LoveMeNow

I think I am still in just shock at how well he was able to take care of himself....still. In some ways, I am glad and in other ways I am just mad.

But no, I would not want to see him in a cheap, weekly motel.

Ann

Okay, I packed my pajamas and should be there in about 18 hours...save me some popcorn....there WILL be popcorn, won't there???

LoveMeNow

Yes, yes, yes.....I will have lots of popcorn. Butter, Carmel, cheese and plain....for those who are still watching their weight.

AnvilheadII

what Ann said.....sure he may have some STUFF....shiny useless meaningless crap.......but he STILL has the big azz gorilla on his back...aka ADDICTION. trust me, you are getting the better deal!

with my last husband we had it all....the nice home, nice neighborhood, good jobs, camper in the yard, newer cars...AND we were both good people. BUT I was so miserable I was like a rat gnawing at the wallboard to get out. none of it mattered....to me. I just wanted OUT. please god just let me go. so I plotted and planned for 7 years......

and then bailed...and got me a little ghetto cinderblock apt which was damp and moldy, with car alarms going off and mariachi music blaring from somewhere.....and I had MY stuff and I was deliriously content. I had a loveseat, my daughter's foot locker for a coffee table, her bed and frame, went to the dollar store to outfit the place since I left EVERYTHING except the good sautee pan behind.

I missed nothing. I still miss nothing....altho I do kind of get wistful over those lovely hickory cabinets I hand picked for the kitchen remodel....and how nice my fiesta ware collection looked in that setting. but i'd take the feeling of freedom over a pretty plate any day.

it isn't what HE has....it is what YOU have. what matters to you.

AnvilheadII

I think I am still in just shock at how well he was able to take care of himself....still. In some ways, I am glad and in other ways I am just mad.

because you thought he wouldn't be ok without you. that you were holding it all together. turns out he was just fine.

allthatsgood

I just want to say the people here on SR are Awesome! I read these posts and see what genuine concern, love and support everyone had for each other. LMN
you are going to be fine! Condos and "stuff" don't matter, being happy with ourselves and having people who care about us matters so much more.

LoveMeNow

Yes and no. I really thought his addiction had progressed so much that he was too "insane" to have it so together. I guess I had some preconceived notions about how he would live now.

My friends laugh because of all the things....I ranted about his new fingernail clipper set. I said he had everything, including a new fingernail clipper set. C'mon!!

I always knew he would take good care of himself but I never thought he would hurt me so much. NEVER!! Not in my wildest nightmares. Then he sends me texts saying how he can't live with himself for all that he has done to me. How can he make it up to me.....blah, blah, blah. When I saw him, he was very emotional and in tears. He KNOWS but it's all just words, no action. But when it comes to him.....different story.

But you are right, he is still in active addiction and I can't imagine how awful that must be.

Kindeyes

Dear Ann
It is going to take you a whole lot longer than a silly 18 hours. Remember....you said you were going to stop by to pick me up. I'm waiting......


......please step on it. It's raining and I wanna go somewhere WARM......

hugs and giggles
ke

LoveMeNow

Excuse me, it's hard to have a pity party when you TWO ladies keep making me laugh.

Ann

I'll pick you up, Kindeyes, but you'll have to pack a lunch, I'm never going to a restaurant with you again after the last time...remember? I took a selfie....

.

Ann

I'm sorry, LMN, really I am. But I could swear you were throwing a pajama party, not a pity party.

You have soooo much more than he will ever have...and...you have us.

It's okay to be upset because he doesn't appear to be suffering at all...I promise you it is not all roses for him, not at all.

LoveMeNow

BUT Ann, the man had a new clipper kit. How can I not be angry and envious?

Oh and it's a pajama party, but every party has a pooper and I won't let it be me. So whose is gonna be?? Maybe Vale??

Ann

Well, yes, there is the matter of the new clipper kit. Now just what are you going to do about that? Maybe book yourself a wonderful manicure AND pedicure and let someone else just clip away.

Vale probably has a ducky clipper set, maybe he'd lend it to you.

It is almost past my bedtime and since I cannot drive fast enough to make it on time...you have yourself a wonderful pajama party and pretend I am there doing the hokey-pokey (there WILL be hokey-pokey, yes?) and doing the OUIJA Board with you.

Hugs and Hugs